


Teach me

by magic_is_real



Category: The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Bad Parenting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Time, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Alec Lightwood, M/M, Smut, Virgin Alec Lightwood, Vulnerable Magnus Bane, kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-10-18 21:15:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 39
Words: 55,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10625289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magic_is_real/pseuds/magic_is_real
Summary: The clave decided to punish Alec for being in a relationship with a downworlder by stripping him out of his marks. Maryse is a bitch, just like Robert, and Izzy and Jace are not allowed to help their brother. Therefore Alec moved in with his boyfriend, Magnus Bane. He is forced to live a mundane life and to go to school like a normal teenager without angel blood. To help his precious Alexander, Magnus gets a job as history teacher at the same high school.Alec has to deal with the daily life of a mundane high school student and his own insecurities. Will he finally realize that he isn't the only one that feels vulnerable? And why is Magnus boyfriend suddenly covered in bruises?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey beautiful people out there!  
> Sooo... this is the first chapter of my new malec fanfiction I hope you'll enjoy it!  
> This is not my first language, so there are probably a lot of mistakes. I'm sorry!!!  
> If you are not too busy please tell me what I did wrong, so I won't make the same mistakes again!

**Alec**

“Pretty boy... wake up!”, whispered Magnus and sucked at the place on my neck where my deflection rune had been not that long ago. The loud moan that escaped my lips made me blush.

 

Of course we had slept in the same bed before and Magnus knew that that special spot on my neck drove me wild, so he did this whenever he had the opportunity to, but it was still kind of embarrassing. We've been together for almost four months now, but we still hadn't done more than making out.

Magnus had told me that he didn't mind waiting for me, because this was my first relationship and I had no experience at all, but I still felt bad for holding him back and I'm not just talking about sex.

Without me, Magnus could have had spent the last four months having fun and doing whatever he wanted to do. But he was trapped in a relationship with me. So instead of dancing in clubs or throwing one of his famous parties at the apartment, he had taken care of me and after what had happened two months ago, I've been needing a lot of help.

After the kiss in the accords hall and the positive reaction of my parents I had thought I wasfinally allowed to be happy, but two weeks after Valentine and Sebastian had died and the war had ended I had gotten a fire massage from the clave. They had accused me of betrayal, because of my relationship with Magnus.

I couldn't understand how they could still think like that, after everything what had happened. Because of his hate Valentine almost had destroyed the clave and Alicante. So many people had died and if the downworlders hadn't fought with us, even more shadowhunters would have lost their lives.

 

“I love how shy you are Darling.”, purred Magnus and liked gently over the hickey on my neck.

I let out a second, even louder moan and desperately gripped his hair. “Magnus”

He responded with a low chuckle “Morning sleeping beauty. Today is _the_ day, are you nervous?”

 

I hadn't even had a trial. The letter just had said that I would be stripped out of my marks a week later. That week had been horrible. I had never been so afraid in my whole life, not even when I kissed the high warlock of Brooklyn in front of the whole clave.

Izzy had been crying a lot. No shadowhunter was allowed to help me. At least she could still talk to me, but she mustn't give me money or help me to survive in any other way.

For Jace it had been even harder. Of course he had been aware that if they stripped me out of my marks he would lose the parabatai rune as well.

After it happened he hadn't been leaving my side for three whole days. To my surprise Magnus hadn't said anything about the fact that “the annoying blonde” had basically moved in with us, but that was probably because I had been so weak for the first two weeks.

A bit more than a month ago Jace and I had slowly started to learn to live without the bound. Now he and Izzy just visited us once a week.

 _Us._ The moment Magnus had heard about my punishment he had insisted on me moving in with him. I was still kind of shocked that he hadn't broken up with me. I might had been a bit unsure why someone as amazing as Magnus should love someone as plain and boring as me when he told me he loved me during the battle in Alicante, but now I had realized that he was insane. Why would he stay with someone as weak and pathetic as me? I even looked disgusting. Of course my body had been covered in runes and battle scars before _it_ happened, but now there were just scars. I felt naked. _Ugly._

 

“A bit. I hope this mundane kids won't be to annoying”

 

Today was _the day_. My first day at a mundane High School. When I had started to adjust to my new life with Magnus he had asked me what I wanted to with my new life. I never really had thought about that. I could do what ever I wanted to do. I could be everything. Everything but a shadowhunter.

I had talked to Luke and had figured out that I wanted to become a police officer as well. I loved protecting people and I already had the skills I would need. I had spent my whole life writing reports and training so this shouldn’t be to difficult. On the other hand I had never been good enough. Maybe me failing _again_ would make Magnus realize that I was nothing but a failure and he would leave me.

 

“Babe? Are you alright?”, my boyfriend asked me worried. I turned my head to look at him. His beautiful face was free of make up and his hair was down. I raised a hand to brush it out of his unglamoured eyes. His frown turned into a wide smile. He shifted a bit so the cover slid off his body and...

 _Oh god!_ He was _shirtless._ I couldn't do anything but stare at the golden skin, the strong arms, the toned chest, the perfect abs and the well defined v-line that led down to his...

“Like what you see?”, Magnus asked teasingly.

“I... Ähm... I...” Dammit! We've been together for _four months_ and I still couldn't act like a normal person around him. I raised my head as fast as possible and started blushing.

“Alec... Relax! I'm your _boyfriend_. You're allowed to stare. You know what? I _want_ you to stare!”

“Yeah... right... I just...”

“It's okay darling. I'll cook you some breakfast."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alec have breakfast together and a certain warlock enjoys to make his boyfriend blush.

**Alec**

The warm morning sun shined through the balcony doors and made the golden skin of my boyfriend glow. The red rays of sunlight danced trough the room and let everything, even my own pale skin, look alive and almost beautiful. _Almost._

The dust glittered in the soft light and the smell of pancakes filled the air. It felt like magic. _Like home._ Just like the man in front of me. I hugged him from behind, hid my face in the crock of his neck and inhaled deeply. Yes, this was home.

After I had been forced to leave the institute I had been feeling lost for a long time, but now I didn't miss my old home at all. Being a shadowhunter? Yes, I missed that. Izzy and Jace? Of course. But living at the institute? Not at all. I wanted to stay with Magnus. Forever. _Or at least as long as he would allow me to stay._

“Smells good, doesn't it?”, asked Magnus suddenly.

“W-What?”

“The food. I'm talking about the food Alexander.”

“Oh... Oh! Yes, of course! It smells amazing. The food I mean...” I was blushing again. Dammit!

Magnus just stared at me for a few seconds and then burst out into laughter. “Oh my god! You should see your face Alexander! Priceless!”

“You... you did this on purpose!” I took a step back and stared at him in disbelief.

“Oh... don't be mad Baby... I'm cold without your strong arms wrapped around me.”, he said and came so close that we were almost touching. “Of course it'll work even better, if we take our shirts of.”

I felt my skin heat up within seconds. I probably looked like a tomato by now. “Ah... We... Ah... We should eat our breakfast now. Schools starts at 8 and hm...”

“Right. I don't want you to be late on your first day” Magnus said with a flirtatious grin. “But feel free to take your clothes off whenever you feel like it.” He winked at me and turned around to flip the pancakes.

That bastard! How could he just say something like that? The thought of Magnus taking his shirt off made my heart hammering at least three times to fast in my chest and he acted like nothing happened?

And then there was his last comment... About Me. Taking my cloth off. In front of Magnus.

I imagined him looking at me. His eyes filled with desire. His lust filled gaze traveling up and down my body. Magnus _wanting_ me. Magnus coming closer. Kissing me. Licking my neck like he did this morning. His hands on my skin. Touching me. Wandering to my lower back. Lower and lower. Squeezing my...

But that would never happen. If I really took my clothes off he would be disappointed. At some point Magnus would realize that I wasn't worth it. I just hoped that I could spend a bit more time with him before that happened.

“Darling? Are you alright? You are so quite today.”

“What? I... Yes. Just nervous, I guess.”, I lied.

“Ah, I see. It will be all right. Don't worry Alexander. Besides, you won't be alone.”

“What do you mean?”, I asked confused. “I don't know any mundane teenagers but Simon and Clary and Clary is staying at the institute and Simon isn't a mundane anymore. And I'm not sure if I would want to spend so much time with the little red head and the vampire.”

“Sorry pretty boy, I can't tell you. It's a surprise.” I blushed at the nick name. Earlier I was too tired and to embarrassed for other reasons (and to turned on) to really notice it, but now I couldn't help but turn red.

“Not fair!”, I exclaimed. “You have to tell me. You already chose the school, got the stuff I'll need...”

“Packed you lunch...”, Magnus added.

“You did what?”, I asked suspicious.

“Lunch, Alexander. So you won't starve to death. I also packed some money, so you can buy something to eat at the school cafeteria.”

“Uhm... Thank you Magnus. You really didn't have to”, I said a bit shocked.

“Nonsense. It was fun! I enjoy cooking for you. Conjuring my meals out of thin air might be faster, but for an immortal warlock that doesn't really matter.”, Magnus answered with another flirtatious wink.

“Yes I can imagine that... Hey! You distracted me!”, I realized and glared at him.

“That I did darling”, he said with an easy smile.

“I'm serious Magnus! I'm already nervous. Please just tell me what you did!”

“No way! You will find out soon enough. And now sit down and eat your pancakes, or you will be late for school!”, he said in a strict tone but his amused grin ruined the effect.

After we finished our pancakes I grabbed my bag and tried to leave the apartment, but Magnus stopped me.

“Aren't you forgetting something Baby?”, he asked.

“What do you mean? I packed my bag yesterday. You know that.”

“So you really want to leave me without a goodbye kiss Alexander?”, he answered with a fake hurt expression.

“Sorry” I muttered and kissed him on the cheek. I knew if I kissed him on the mouth right now I couldn't have stopped.

“Good!”, he exclaimed happily. “And now hurry up! It's your first day after all, I'm sure there is a lot you have to take care of.”

 

“ _Mum... I'm sorry... please listen to me. I...”_

“ _You betrayed your family Alexander! For a warlock!”_

“ _Mum...”_

“ _No! You're not my son anymore! In two days you won't even be a shadowhunter! You are nothing!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! In the next chapter Alec will have his first lesson. How will he deal with that?


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec finds some new friends.

**Alec**

“E-Excuse me?”, I said to the woman. She had short brown hair and was wearing a rather simple dress printed with flowers. Really mundane.

“Yes? What is it honey?” Her voice sounded surprisingly soft and she gave me a friendly smile. Immediately I relaxed a bit.

“This is my first day here and I was told I should ask you for my schedule, so...”

“Yes of course... Alexander Lightwood, right?”, she asked me and searched for something in the drawer of her desk.

“Just Alec...”

“All right Alec. Here is your schedule and the combination for your locker.”, she said and handled me some papers with a cheerful smile.

“My locker?” I asked confused. “I thought I would have to asked for one, if I wanted one?”

“That's right. Your guardian already took care of it.”

Right. My guardian. Magnus. My boyfriend. By the angel, this whole situation was really strange.

“Thank you, Misses Grace.”

“No problem. Good luck for your first day Alec. If you need anything just ask me.”

I left the office and scanned my surroundings. I had never been to a mundane high school before, but I knew them from the movies Izzy had showed me. We had watched some stuff when I had still been living at the institute, before _it_ happened, but after she had heard that I would have to go to a mundane school she had insisted on us watching tons of movies and TV shows. She had said she wanted to know what would happen to her brother.

Of course it had been unnecessary, but it also had been fun. We had spent at least three days a week on Magnus couch eating popcorn and discussing the movies. Jace had been complaining for hours Izzy would turn us all into mundanes and had teased me every time I had looked worried when something bad happened to the new student.

Magnus had just glared at him and assured me that if someone wasn't nice enough to me he would turn them into a toad.

I quickly found the classroom. Carefully I looked around me. The last empty seat was at the window, next to a girl with dark brown curly hair, who smiled at me and waved when she spotted me. Unsure what to do I walked over to her desk and gave her a shy smile.

“Hey, Are you the new boy? I've never seen you here before.”, she said, still smiling at me. I was a bit taken aback. No shadowhunter would ever greet a stranger so cheerful.

“Uhm yes. I'm Alec Lightwood.”

“Alec? Is that short for something?”, asked someone and threw an arm around my shoulders.

“Calm down Jonas! You'll blind the pour guy with that.”, said the girl and pointed at the boys pink hair, then she turned back to me. “I'm sorry my friend has no manners.”

“I-It's okay.” I answered a bit perplex. “And don't worry”, I said to the boy with the pink hair, “My boyfriend is far worse. If I survived his glitter your hair won't kill me either.”

“The same boyfriend who gave you that hickey?”, he asked grinning.

My hand shot up to cover my neck. “I... I...”

“Relax man, just kidding. But you never answered my question.”, the boy said laughing.

“Alexander, it's short for Alexander, but my boyfriend is the only one who calls me by my full name. You can try to use it, but I don't think that that would end pretty.”

“Don't worry, I wouldn't want to have to deal with a jealous boyfriend.” he said, still smiling. Why were this people smiling all the time? Magnus had told me I was too grumpy more than once, but this couldn't be healthy, right?

“So... Your name is Jonas?”, I asked a bit awkward.

“Oh, sorry! We should probably introduce ourselves. You're right, his name is Jonas, but most people just call him Jo. Usually I do that too, but if I'm angry and want to yell at him his full name is much more useful.”, said the girl.

I smiled at that. For some reason I could hear Izzy call me 'Alexander Gideon Lightwood' inside of my head. Of course my mother called me that too, or had been calling me that before she stopped speaking to me, but Izzy never sounded disappointed. Maybe angry, or concerned, but never disappointed.

“And I am Haley.”, the girl added. “Come on, sit down.”

“Thank you.”, I said smiling at her.

After I took out my math book I sat down in the chair she had offered me. For the last month I had been trying to learn as much as possible about the stuff the mundanes learned in their schools, but I knew it would still be very difficult for me to catch up. I might new everything about runes, downworlders and demons, but shadowhunters never learned more than necessary about mundane things.

I spent the next ten minutes until the lesson started chatting with Jo and Haley. I had to lie a few times, for example when Jo asked about my old school, but I tried to tell them at least some things about me that wasn't lies. I told them I had been being home schooled for the last ten years and talked a lot about my siblings. And Magnus.

“So you're living with your boyfriend? Now I understand why you have such a big hickey...”, said Haley at some point and of course I blushed immediately.

The first lesson went well. I understood most of the stuff the teacher was explaining to us and when it got a bit boring I could talk to Jo and Haley.

“What's your next lesson?”, they asked me after the math lesson. I front and looked at my schedule.

“History.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? What do you think?  
> The next chapter will be from Magnus pov and maybe there will be some flashbacks


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's not just Alec's first day at the new school. How will Alec react to the High Warlock of Brooklyn being his new history teacher?

**Magnus**

“ _NO! NO PLEASE”_

_As fast as I could I sprinted into the spare room where Alec had been staying for the last three weeks. Of course I had offered him my bedroom, but he'd said he didn't want me to have to take the spare room. I'd even had to convince him to sleep in a real bed and not on the uncomfortable couch. Stupid nephilim._

_I opened the door and ran over to the screaming boy. He was tossing and turning, his forehead was covered in a thin layer of sweat and he looked way too pale. He still had the trained (and sexy) body of a shadowhunter, but he looked thinner than a month ago._

“ _Alec! Alec wake up! I's just a dream!”, I said and grabbed his shoulders._

“ _NO!”, he screamed again and tried to get away from me._

“ _Alexander, please baby, wake up. It's just a dream.”_

_He opened his eyes and stared at me heavily breathing. After a few minutes he started to cry. Tears ran down his cheeks and his whole body shook violently._

“ _Alec? Alexander, whats wrong?”, I asked him worried._

“ _You lied!”, he sobbed._

“ _What are you talking about?”I asked confused._

“ _You said it's just a dream. It's not! It really happened!”, he whispered and looked at me with big, blue eyes filled with tears._

 

I took a sip of my coffee and sighed happily. My first lesson had gone pretty well. Most of the kids had been behaving well and I'd managed to not talk to personal about history. Some students had eyed my make up suspiciously, but that wasn't too unusual.

I looked at the list with the names of the students in my next lesson and my eyes narrowed. _Alexander Lightwood_ This was going to be interesting.

I left the staff room and walked over to the class room. When I entered I immediately scanned the room for Alexander. He wouldn't be too happy to see me here, but I wanted to be able to help him, so I'd gotten the job as his history teacher.

Okay, maybe I just wanted to spend as much time as possible with him, but how could I not? He was so sweet and hot and so adorable when he blushed... I wondered if he would be as embarrassed as at home when I teased him in class... Or maybe he would be mad at me and wouldn't behave? Perhaps I would have to order him around or punish him for his bad behavior... okay, stop! I was in a school for heavens sake!

I spotted my angel in the front next to girl with curly brown hair. They were chatting excitedly and Alec... smiled? Alec was talking to a stranger and _smiling?_ I would never have thought that my shy, grumpy boyfriend would make friends this fast, but of course I was happy for him.

“Good morning class.”, I said after I closed the door behind me. “My name is Mr. Bane and I'm your new history teacher.”

At the sound of my voice Alec's head shot up and he stared at me in horror. I couldn't help but grin.

I turned to the board and frowned.

“You, in the front, _Alexander_ Lightwood, right? Could you please clean the board for me?”

When I said his full name Alec blushed furiously and when he stood up to clean the board he almost tripped over his own feet. Yes, this was going to be _fun_.

“Okay, let's start with introducing ourselves. You already know my name”, I said and wrote _Mr._ _B_ _ane_ on the whiteboard. “Now I want to know yours. If you have any questions about me you can ask them now.” After that I turned back to the class.

“So... I already now that you are _Alexander_ Lightwood”, I said and again he turned red. I loved my new job.

“...but what bout you?”, I asked Alec's new friend.

“I'm Haley Clark and I want to ask you if you could give me advice for my make up. Yours looks amazing!”, said the girl with a big smile. I liked her already. Maybe such a happy and cheerful friend would help my Alexander to learn how to smile more, especially after what happened.

“Maybe another time.”, I said and winked at her.

The rest of the students introduced themselves and I tried to remember all of their names. I might had signed up for this job because of Alec, but I also wanted to be a good teacher.

After everyone said their names I let my gaze wander back to Alexander. God, he looked so cute with his flushed cheeks and messy hair... and than I had an idea.

“Okay class! Thank you. Now please open your books at page 511.”, I said and casted a small spell on my boyfriend.

Everyone, except from Alec, opened their books.

“Something wrong Mr. Lightwood?”, I asked him, trying to sound innocent, but he just stared at me, like he had seen a ghost, but of course I knew what he had just seen. An image of me. Shirtless. Exactly what he had seen this morning. His face reddened even more, if that was possible. Yes, I _really_ loved my new job.

“What? Oh... I'm sorry M... uhm... Mr. Bane”

 _Mr. Bane?_ I could definitely get used to that...

After I said my goodbye to the class and most of the students had left I turned to Alexander with an evil grin.

“Mr Lightwood, please stay for a moment, I would like to talk to you.”

“Oh-oh...”, said his new friend, Haley. “Good luck Alec”, she said and patted his shoulder.

After she and the other students left the room he closed the door and stared at me pretty angrily, but before he could say anything I pressed him against the wall and kissed him.

As soon as our lips met he melted in my arms. I wasn't sure if he would push me back and start yelling at me for not telling him about my plans and teasing him so much, but he moved his lips in sync with mine. When I licked his bottom lip he gasped into my mouth and I used the opportunity to push my tongue between his lips. His hands gripped my hair and tugged it a bit and I let out a little moan. God, this felt perfect. I enjoyed the feeling of my Alexander so turned on and desperate for a few more seconds, but then pulled back. I smirked when I saw that Alec tried to follow me with his lips.

“Pretty boy, did you just make out with your teacher? How dirty...”, I exclaimed and he blushed again.

“What...? But you...”

“Shhh. Did I allow you to talk, _Mr. Lightwood?_ You really have to learn how to listen to your teacher. You wouldn't want to get punished, would you?”, I said and pressed a finger to his beautiful, pink, still slightly parted lips. His eyes winded in shock and I couldn't help but chuckle.

“Besides, you should probably go find your new friend. I'm glad that you already found someone. She seems nice”, I added and took a step back.

“I guess you're right... She and her friend Jo are really cool and... Wait a second! I'm mad at you!”

I just laughed and left the room. Don't get me wrong, I loved my job as High Warlock of Brooklyn, I really do, but this was even better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the angel! I blushed so much writing this! They didn't even do anything! I'm not sure if I'll be able to write the actual smut xD  
> But anyway... What do you think? Please write a comment and thanks for reading! <3


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec's first history lesson with “Mr. Bane” from his point of view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are probably a lot of mistakes. I'm sorry! It's past midnight in Germany, I'm really tired and my laptop hates me for some reason! My writing program stopped working a few times, changed words when I didn't wanted it to and stuff like that... I'm sorry!

Alec  
“So... Do you know our history teacher? What is he like?” I asked Haley a bit tense after I placed my books in my locker. She and Jo had been nothing but nice to me, but I was still a bit nervous. I'd never been good at meeting new people and in the last two months I'd barely left Magnus apartment and never left my room when he had clients.  
(He wanted me to call it our apartment, but I wasn't really comfortable with that. He'd lived there for so long and I just moved in. I still felt a bit guilty, because he hadn't the choice to tell me not to move in with him. I really tried not to be to clingy, but sometimes it was pretty hard. I was scared I was going to start to annoy him at some point and he would stop loving me. I knew we couldn't be forever, we wouldn't even be together until the day I would die, because there was no way he could love me that long, but I still wanted us to be.)  
“No, he's new at this school, this is his first day, but I just talked to Lisa”, Haley said and pointed at a girl in a pink dress with a big skirt with an also pink bow on top of her blond hair. She kind of looked like a giant cupcake.  
“She already had a lesson with him.”, she continued. “Lisa told me he seems to be really nice. And funny.”, she added.  
Hm. Nice and funny. For lazy mundane kids that probably meant he wouldn't teach us anything. I sighed. I really wanted to learn more about mundane history and culture, I was one of them now after all. I grimaced at that thought.  
“Hey, are you alright?”, asked Haley when she noticed the expression on my face.  
I gave her a weak smile. “Yeah. Let's go, I don't want to be late.”  
We weren't late, but our teacher was. I hated this guy already.  
“Want to go to the movies tomorrow? Jo want's to see the new marvel movie.”, asked Haley exited.  
“Yeah okay, but I'm not sure if my boyfriend wants to go on a date or...”  
“You can bring him too. I would love to meet him.”, she said with a big smile. (Seriously, how could she smile so much? Why wasn't her face breaking in half or something?)  
“Sounds good to me.”, I said nodding and gave her a small smile in return. “I'm sure he'd love to meet you. Magnus is really exited about me going to school and...”  
“Good morning class. My name is Mr. Bane and I'm your new history teacher.”  
My head shot up and I stared at him in horror. What the hell was Magnus doing here? He was supposed to be at home at home and do what ever a high warlock does when his boyfriend was at school! And did he just said he was our teacher? But... how? And why had he not told me about his plan? Uh! Sometimes I really hated him. He probably knew I would have been against it.  
“You, in the front, Alexander Lightwood, right? Could you please clean the board for me?”  
Oh god. Why had Magnus said my name like that? He knew exactly what that did to me. I wasn't going to survive this lesson. It was my first day I was going to die.  
When I stood up to clean the board I almost tripped over my own feet. I just blushed and nearly fell on my face in front of the whole class. I would kill Magnus for this later.  
After that he asked the rest of the students to introduce themselves and of course he said my full name again. I wasn't sure if history was going to be my favorite subject because I could see Magnus and hear him talk for a whole lesson, or if I would hate it because I would humiliate myself in front of the entire class every time he said my name.  
I watched Magnus carefully while the other students introduced themselves. He looked honestly interested.  
Shit, he was probably going to be a really good teacher. After all Haley had said the other students liked him. Dammit! Why did he have to be so fucking perfect?  
Suddenly I didn't look at Magnus standing in front of the class anymore. I looked at Magnus laying in our bed. Shirtless, bare face, hair free of styling products, just like he'd looked this morning, but this time I saw something I hadn't noticed earlier. Some of the material of his sweatpants was stuck under his body and so they were much tighter than they usually were. I could see his hipbones and... By the Angel! I could see the outline of his dick. My hands started to sweat and it was suddenly way too hot.  
And than the image was gone and Magnus gazed directly into my eyes. I knew he knew what I'd just seen. The look in his eyes was so dangerous, but still loving and so hot...  
“Something wrong Mr. Lightwood?”  
Shit! I'd totally forgotten that we were still in class. “What? Oh... I'm sorry M... uhm... Mr. Bane”, I answered quickly.  
He smirked at that. I decided that he enjoyed this way to much.  
I bushed at least ten timed during the rest of the lesson. When he wasn't teasing me, Magnus really did a pretty good job. Lisa was right, nice and funny. What a shame that I would have to kill him after the lesson...  
“Mr Lightwood, please stay for a moment, I would like to talk to you.”  
“Oh-oh... Good luck Alec”, said Haley, petted my shoulder and left the room.  
I was planning on yelling at Magnus as soon as I closed the door, but then he kissed me and I couldn't think about anything but about how perfect we fit together and how amazing it felt to be pressed against the wall by his strong body (and maybe about the image he'd showed me earlier).  
When he pushed his tongue between my lips I couldn't help but grab his hair and pull it a bit. And then Magnus moaned. He fucking moaned. I loved the fact that I was able to make him make that sound and I wanted him to make it again. God, this was so hot. Of course we had done this before, but still.  
When he pulled back I followed him with my lips and could just barley hold the whimper in that almost escaped my lips.  
“Pretty boy, did you just make out with your teacher? How dirty...”, he said. I blushed at the word 'dirty' coming out of his mouth. Uh! I was such a pathetic virgin.  
“What...? But you...”, I tried to defend myself but he quickly pressed a finger against my lips and I could taste the salty flavor of his skin. This man would be the death of me. I'd survived hundreds of fights with demons, being attacked by a greater demon and the battle against Valentin, but I wouldn't survive Magnus Bane.  
“Shhh. Did I allow you to talk, Mr. Lightwood? You really have to learn how to listen to your teacher. You wouldn't want to get punished, would you?”  
Shit. Why was I so turned on by him talking like that. I completely lost my ability to think, because all the blood in my head had suddenly went south.  
“Besides, you should probably go find your new friend. I'm glad that you already found someone. She seems nice”, he said chuckling and took a step back.  
“I guess you're right... She and her friend Jo are really cool and...”, I explained until I noticed something.  
“Wait a second! I'm mad at you!”, I yelled, but he just laughed and left the room. I tried to follow him, but I lost him between the other students in the hallway. “Mundanes. Running around like ants.”, I muttered angrily.  
“Alec!”, someone yelled and I turned around. Jo was standing next to Haley and they both waved at me.  
“Haley told me what happened. What did Mr. Bane want? You're not in trouble, are you?”, Jo asked frowning.  
“No, it wasn't like that, don't worry. He just... wanted to know something about me being home schooled.”, I lied.  
“That's all?”, he asked suspicious.  
“Yes...?  
“So you are turning into a living tomato because you two talked about homeschooling?”, he said raising an eyebrow.  
“I... uhm...”, I stammered blushing even more while Jo and Haley started laughing.  
I was going to kill Magnus for this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... this was just chapter 4 from a different point of view, but I hope you enjoyed it nevertheless. :)  
> The next chapter will be from Alec's pov too. Why has our poor shadowhunter (and yes, I think he is still a shadowhunter. It's his culture and he spent his whole life training. They can't take that away from him. Maybe someday he'll be a mundane too, but hell never stop being nephilim) a bleeding nose? Let's find out in the next chapter!  
> I'm not sure if I'll update tomorrow. I'm really sorry! I'll be busy with homework the whole day and later I'll go to the birthday party of a friend. Maybe I'll post to chapters the day after, but I'm not sure how bad the hangover will be xD  
> Please tell me what you think about this chapter! Thanks for reading!!!!!!!! I love you all, you are amazing!!!!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec's first P.E. lesson. But why is he bleeding? And what happens when his boyfriend shows up after the lesson?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if there are some spelling mistakes or just the wrong words. Same problem as last time. If you notice something please tell me.

**Alec**

After I humiliated myself in front of my new friends because of my boyfriend, we went outside and sat down on a bench under a tree to eat our lunch. I opened the packed Magnus prepared for me and a small piece of paper fell out.

 

_Hey pretty boy,_

_I hope you had a nice first day so far and you're not mad at me for not telling you about my new job Be a good boy for your teacher and eat your lunch, you don't eat enough._

_Love you, Magnus_

 

There was a little heart next to Magnus name, but that wasn't what made me blush. It was the order to _be a good boy for_ _my_ _teacher._ Why would Magnus write something like that? He probably just wanted to tease me. Quickly I scanned the schoolyard for my boyfriend. Maybe he was glamoured? He was probably standing behind me and laughed about me.

“Hey, what's that?”, asked Haley curiously.

“This? Just... just a note from my boyfriend.”, I answered deep in thoughts.

“Oh... Cute! Can I read it?”, Jo asked and tried to grab the paper.

“NO!”, I yelled panicking. My friends mustn't find out about me dating our teacher.

“Ah! I see... It's _that_ kind of note. Jo, don't read that! I'd rather not hear about Alec's sex life.”, Haley said smirking.

The rest of the day went well, until I had my first P.E lesson. Luckily Magnus was able to glamour the scars I had where my runes had been once without actually having to see them, but I was still covered in battle scars. I felt really uncomfortable undressing in front of the other boys, even though I was more trained than them, and I got a lot more nervous when I felt someone staring at me.

“Dude, what happened to you? Did you date Edward with the scissorhands?

I had no idea what that meant, but I was pretty sure it was some kind of mundane thing I didn't understand, so I laughed anyway.

“I... I'm just very clumsy. And... uhm... My boyfriends cat hates me, so...”, I lied. Actually chairman loved me. Magnus was pretty annoyed by that. He always asked if I wanted to steal the chairman or if it was the other way around.

“Yeah... right.”, said Jo and I knew he didn't believe me, but I couldn't think of a good explanation.

We left the locker room and entered the sports hall. The teacher wanted us to run ten rounds in the hall and took the time. I was a lot faster when the other students and the teacher offered me to be part of the school running team. After that a boy came to me and complimented me about my skills.

“Wow, you're very fast! You should really join the team! I'm a member too, but I'm not as good as you. I actually lost my last two competitions.”, the guy said panting and dropped down next to me.

“Oh... I'm sorry. Did they yell a lot?”, I asked remembering my parents yelling at me when I wasn't good enough and that happened a lot. I was really relived when I realized that Magnus didn't do that. Some part of me had expected him to snap at some point.

“Who?”, asked the boy confused.

“Well... your parents. And the coach. You couldn't do what he wanted you to do, so...”

“Nobody yelled at me. My parents would probably kill the coach for doing that. If I hadn't trained he would have been pretty angry, but I don't think he would really yell at me.”, he told me frowning.

“But you disappointed him...”, I said a bit unsure.

“No, I did not. I trained a lot, but the others were better. I couldn't have done more. The coach was actually very nice. I think he didn't want me to loose my motivation, but I won't. I'll just keep on training, so one day I'll be better than the others.”

After that we ended our conversation, but sometimes the boy looked at me with a sad expression. I must have said something wrong, but I didn't really understood what it was.

In the last twenty minutes of the lesson we played basketball. I surprisingly really enjoyed the game, until an other student ran right into me. After I checked if the boy was alright I wanted to continue playing, but Jo stopped me.

“Alec! Alec stop!”

“Something wrong?”, I asked confused. Did I do something what was against the rules?

“Alec, your nose is bleeding and there is a big bruise at your head!”

“Yes, I know. Don't worry, it's just a bit blood. It won't drip on the floor.”

“I don't care about the fucking floor Alec!”, he nearly yelled.

“So what's the problem? We can't just stand her doing nothing. The coach will get mad at us.”

“Aren't you in pain?”, asked Jo perplex.

“Yes...?”

“You have to go to the nurse!”, he answered sounding shocked.

“Why? The coach will want me to continue.”

“You're hurt! You don't have to play.”, he said angrily.

“Really?”, I asked confused. Nobody ever told me to quit training just because I was hurt. It was my own fault after all.

After that he dragged me outside and to the nurse. She checked if my nose was okay and gave me some ice for my head. The lesson was already over, when she was done. We went back to the empty locker room and changed. This time Jo stared even more at my scares with a curious and worried expression, but he didn't said anything.

When we were done we went outside to look for Haley. Suddenly someone hugged me from behind and a soft voice whispered _“Alexander”_ into my ear. I turned around to kiss Magnus, but then I realized something.

“Don't worry, it's a spell. Your friend doesn't know that I'm _Mr. Bane.”_ he said, making his voice sound seductive when he said his own name and I suddenly felt my cheeks heat up.

“They see the same person, but their brains can't make the connection between me and their teacher. We're safe.”, Magnus said chuckling, but than he noticed the ice I was still pressing to my forehead.

“You're hurt.”, he breathed out.

“It's nothing. I just...”, I tried to calm him down.

“Who did this?”, he said narrowing his eyes.

“Nobody. It was an accident. I wanted to continue training, but Jo brought me to the nurse.”

“Jo? Is that the boy over there? The one who is standing next to Haley?”

“Yes?”

“Well, I should probably thank him for looking after you.”

Worried I followed him. It wasn't that I didn't want him to meet my friends, but I was kind of scared they wouldn't get along.

“Hallo, I'm Magnus. You're Jo, right? Thank you for taking care of my boyfriend, he can be really stubborn. And you must be Haley. Alexander already told me about you.”, Magnus said with a big smile.

“Ah, so you are the one who gave him that nice hickey?”, Jo asked grinning and I blushed furiously.

“I hope so.”, Magnus chuckled and wrapped an arm around my waist. “I know my boyfriend is probably the hottest guy at this school”, he said and I reddened a bit more, “but I'm the only one who is allowed to touch this masterpiece.”

“Hm... I don't know...”, Haley said. “I don't want to offend you Alec, but I think the new history teacher, Mr. Bane, is the hottest guy here.”

Magnus raised an eyebrow and looked at me. “Do you think so too Alec? Is _Mr. Bane_ really that hot?”

I quickly turned to him and kissed him to hide my flushed face from my friends. Maybe letting Magnus meet them was a mistake after all. I knew he would never let that go. How was I supposed to survive a whole year with him being my teacher?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it! Please tell me what you think!  
> Sorry for picturing Alec so unhappy and insecure, but this way Magnus making him happy will be even more beautiful. Magnus will take care of his angel, I promise!!!!  
> Thanks for reading!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus, Alec, Jo and Haley watch movies after eating ice creme.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not really important for the story and pretty short. Maybe I'll add another chapter today.

Alec  
“Alec! Your boyfriend is the funniest person I ever met!”, said Haley when we walked back to Jo and Magnus. “Seriously, what's your secret? How did you get someone like him?”  
My heart dropped to my stomach and started to beat faster at the same time. It was like my brain couldn't decide if I should smile, because I had him in my life or if I should cry over the fact that it couldn't be forever. This whole relationship was so unfair! Since the first time we met he was giving me so much and I had nothing to offer in return. First I forced him to hide our relationship and denied my feelings for him and then this whole mess with the clave... Of course I didn't want Magnus to be unhappy, but sometimes I wished he wouldn't be so perfect, wouldn't have such a perfect life. Well not really perfect, I was his boyfriend after all.  
“Hey sweetheart.”, Magnus said and kissed me on my flushed cheek.  
I passed him his ice cream and watched amused when his whole face lit up at the taste.  
“This is amazing!”, he exclaimed. “And your brother really works here at the weekend? How does he do this? I would probably eat all the ice cream myself!”, he asked Jo with wide eyes.  
I couldn't help but wrap my arms around his waist and pull him against my body. It was amazing how the flirty and graceful High Warlock of Brooklyn could turn into this young and exited looking man over something as trivial as ice cream. He was over 800 years old, had probably already seen everything what this world had to offer, but right now he looked more like a little boy.  
“Alec, you have to try this!”, he said still looking so happy that I just couldn't say no to him.  
“Yeah, okay. Is it really that good?”, I asked chuckling.  
Suddenly Magnus looked directly into my eyes and smirked dangerously. “I don't know. You have to try it.”, he said slowly raising the ice cream cone to his mouth and circled the tip with his tongue. I probably looked like an idiot, standing in the middle of the mall, watching him licking his lips. Then he pressed his lips to his ice cream and before my head could catch up with what was happening he leaned down and pulled me into a passionate kiss. I could taste the sweetness of the ice cream on his lips and moaned at the feeling of his cold mouth in combination with his hot breath. Just as I could feel the wetness of his tongue running over my bottom lip, a loud noise right next to me made my shadowhunter reflexes react and I grabbed Magnus arm to pull him behind me.  
“Relax Alec!”, said Jo startled while Haley continued to make gagging noises.  
“Alec, I like you, and your boyfriend is cool too, but I really don't need to see this.”, she informed me.  
“I-I... But he...!”, I stammered and everyone started to laugh.  
“Delicious, don't you think so too darling?”, Magnus asked innocently, but it was pretty clear that he wasn't talking about the ice cream anymore. Of course I blushed and they started laughing again.  
“Let's go, the movie starts in ten.”, Jo said giggling after a few minutes.  
The movie was actually fun. Every time something romantic happened Magnus wiggled his eyebrows at me, I turned red and our friends started giggling. Traitors.  
“You know what is the best part of this evening?”, asked Magnus when we walked home after we said goodbye to our friends. “Tonight I'll fall asleep next to you and tomorrow you'll be the first thing I see after opening my eyes. I love you Alexander.”

Summary: Alec still has a lot of insecurities. Magnus is a tease, but also really cute. Nothing important happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, you are amazing!!!! <3 Please let me know what you think about this chapter.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit more serious than the last few chapters, but I hope you'll like it :)

**Magnus**

The last two weeks had gone pretty well. Of course sometimes Alec still had waked up screaming, but it had happened just three times since he started going to school. I had been afraid that all the new people around him would make his condition worse, but I was glad to see that I'd been wrong. Maybe being around other teenagers his age would make him loose up a bit. He still thought he was expected to be better than the others and worked way too much. Sometimes he was still very tense around me, but I didn't worry to much about it, I was his first boyfriend after all.

I knew he was really nervous about exploring the physical side of our relationship, so I tried to be patient and not to pressure him. It wasn't the easiest thing to do, but if I claimed that loved him, that was what I had to do. But it was so hard sometimes... like when we were making out and he pulled my hair, or when I kissed that spot on his neck and he started moaning, or when he raised on his tiptoes to grab something from a shelf and his shirt rolled up, showing a stripe of his beautiful skin...

“Magnus! Are you even listening to me?”

Gabriella was one of my favorite clients. She always payed punctual and treated me with respect, so I felt really guilty for ignoring her.

“I'm sorry, please forgive me dear, I was a bit lost in my own mind.”, I apologized.

Suddenly the other warlock was standing right in front of me. “Oh Magnus...”, she purred. “I think know a good way to get your attention.” And before I could process what was happening her lips were on mine. As soon as I realized what she was doing I took a step back and pushed her away from me.

“What the hell? Why did you do that?”, I asked angrily. “You know that I have boyfriend.” Hearing myself say this words made me understood what just happened. I had a boyfriend. Alec would be mad at me, maybe he would want to break. I had promised myself to never hurt my angel, but now I did it anyway.

“Alexander”, I whispered, tears forming in my eyes.

“Calm down Magnus, your little shadowhunter won't find out. Just let's have some fun. I don't understand why you waste your time with that boy. I heard he isn't even a shadowhunter anymore. You could have someone better.”

At her words my panic transformed into anger within seconds. “What did you just say?”, I asked slowly, flashing my cat eyes at her. I never used them if it wasn't really necessary, but I couldn't think clearly right now.

“Oh please! Is the sex really so good that you don't want anyone else anymore? You are not like that Magnus, we both know that.” When I just kept staring at her, something in her face changed. “Wait, don't tell me you are not even sleeping with the boy. I can't believe this! I never thought you could stand more than five minutes without taking your clothes off, after everything I heard about you.”

“Out.”, I said in a really calm, but dangerous voice.

“What?”, Gabriella asked confused.

“Leave my apartment right now and never come near me or my boyfriend ever again or you will regret it.”, I said, my voice still calm, but my whole body trembling with anger.

“Magnus, what's...”

“GO!”, I yelled at her and my hands were suddenly glowing with blue flames.

As soon as she slammed the door shut I broke down crying. I never really cared what people thought about me, but I had actually trusted her. I knew my reputation, but it suddenly felt all so different. If they wanted to think of me as a slut for sleeping around for the last century, then it would be like this, but Alec? I couldn't stand the thought of him seeing me like that.

I had never felt so guilty my whole life. She might have kissed me, but she wouldn't have done it if I wasn't Magnus Bane, the High Warlock of Brooklyn, who couldn't keep it in his pants for more than five seconds.

This innocent, beautiful boy had given me so much. He'd trusted me with all his heart, let me be his first relationship, his first kiss, his first love and I... I wasn't good enough for him. He deserved so much better than me and he didn't even realized it. I always had known that he would leave me some day, when he figured out that I wasn't as perfect as he thought, but I'd never would never have thought it would happen like this.

My whole body shook but I couldn't stop sobbing. I had tried to deny all this, had tried to believe that maybe this time I was finally allowed to have some happiness. I had felt so lost and lonely for such a long time. I loved my apartment but it was Alexander who made it feel like home. He would leave and take my home away again.

After an hour or so I calmed down a bit. Alec would be home soon, and I didn't want him to see me like this. I wanted him to stay, god, I wanted it so bad, but I didn't want pity to cloud his judgment. Him breaking up with me would break my heart in million pieces, but him staying with me, giving me hope, just to leave me later anyway, would destroy me.

“Alexander, I know you just came back from school, but I need you to listen carefully now. I have a confession to make and... Alec, are you okay?” I had planned to tell him as soon as possible, because I didn't know how long I could hold the tears back and I didn't want to cry in front of him, but when I looked at him I knew something was wrong. Alecs face was pale, paler than usual and he had a hunted look in his deep, blue eyes.

“Magnus.”, he said with a fake smile. “I missed you.”

I took him in my arms and pulled him other to the couch. “If you don't want to talk about it right now, it's okay, but you can't stop me from taking care of you.”, I said, exactly knowing how to do deal with him when he got this way after being his boyfriend for more than four months.

I made him a cup of tea, turned on the TV on and cuddled him on the couch like I always did, but this time it was different. No matter what I did or said, the tension never left his body, it just got worse.

Why was Alexander like this? What happened that day what caused him to change his behavior towards me so much?

 

 **Summary:** Another warlock kisses Magnus and says some pretty bad things about him when he pushes her away. Magnus breaks down to tears, because he is scared Alec will leave him. He wants to tell him, but something is wrong with Alec and he has to take care of him. What happened to Alec that day?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading <3 What do you think happened? Please tell me in the comments!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The guy who winks at Alec is hot, dreamy and... not Magnus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I hope the writing stile doesn't suck too much. I'm pretty tired today and... well... Please try to enjoy anyway!

**Alec**

After _it_ happened I hadn't thought I could be happy ever again. It was like they took away a part of my soul. They hadn't just broke my and Jace's parabatai bound and that alone had destroyed me. It had been like someone had trusted a seraph blade right into my chest and I still could feel the loss. I felt so guilty for making Jace suffer too, it was all my fault after all.

He had lost one part of his soul that day, but I'd lost another one as well. Loosing all my runes at once had been the worst pain I'd ever felt. It'd been like little knives cutting from the inside through my skin. After it I hadn't been able to walk for five days.

I really had thought I would never be okay again, that after the physical pain was gone the emotional pain would stay with me forever, that it wouldn't fade, that it would eat me away, but that wasn't what had happened. Magnus had saved me. Without him, I would have been lost.

I scanned the schoolyard until I suddenly felt a pair of eyes on me. Slowly I turned around. When my eyes met his, I froze. The guy was gorgeous. Since I got together with Magnus I didn't really care for other man, but I still noticed if someone was handsome. Of course no other guy could match Magnus beauty, but this guy... I couldn't help but let my eyes travel the guys body up and down and I started to feel way too hot in my clothes. And then... then he winked at me. Oh god, I was so screwed. I nervously rubbed my sweaty palms against my jeans while my face turned red, but I just couldn't stop staring. I felt kind of guilty for wanting someone else, I was in love with Magnus after all, but this was just sexual attraction, right?

Well, wrong. The guys amused smirk turned into a soft smile and I felt something in me awakening. Something I had never felt for someone else but Magnus before. Not even when I'd had this stupid crush on Jace it had been like this. It was like there was an invisible connection between us. Beautiful, strong... and so wrong, but I couldn't help but return the smile. As soon as I managed to tear my eyes away from him, I turned around and walked back inside building. I just wanted to run faster than I ever ran before, but I didn't want to notice people that something was wrong.

I calmly walked to the boy's bathroom and into a bathroom stall. After I set down on the closed toilet I dropped my head in my shaking hands. What was wrong with me? Magnus was perfect, he did so much for me and never asked for anything in return and I... I felt like I was cheating on him. I hadn't even talked once to the guy, didn't knew his name, but I wanted him. So much. I wasn't just his body. I wanted to get to know him, wanted him to look at me with that soft smile again, wanted him to kiss me, to play with my hair until I fell asleep... I was shaking with fear and guilt, but I couldn't help but think about his muscular body and his beautiful eyes...

Stop! I grabbed my own hair and started to pull it until I let out a small whimper of pain. Maybe I could allow myself to think about making out with another guy, or even about having sex with him, but not about his eyes! This feelings were reserved for Magnus and Magnus only.

I stayed in this position for the rest of the break. After the ring I left the bathroom on shaking legs. When Jo and Haley noticed my condition, they looked at me worried.

“Alec? Are you okay?”, Jo asked.

“Yes. Everything is okay.”, I said and straightened my back.

“You're sure? Maybe you should go home. You could call Magnus to pick you up.”, Haley said carefully.

“NO!”, I almost yelled. “I... I'm okay. Really. I don't want to bother him.”, I added hastily as soon as I noticed their suspicious expressions.

I didn't talk to them for the rest of the day and they left me alone when they understand in what kind of mood I was in, and I was pretty thankful for it. I spent the rest of the lesson thinking about the guy, how guilty I felt and about Magnus. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go home to him as soon as possible or if I never wanted to see him again, because I felt to much guilt.

When I came home, Magnus, being the awesome, perfect boyfriend he was, noticed that something was wrong as soon as I entered the apartment. He didn't force me to tell him what happened, but took care of me like he always did, but this time it only made things worse. Every time he touched me I wanted to throw up, cause the guilt was making me sick. He was so gentile, so amazing and I was just some heartless piece of shit who didn't deserve him.

That night I had a dream about the guy. We were cuddling on the couch in front of the TV and exchanged a few soft kisses. I'd had this kind of dreams before, but usually they were about Magnus... What the heck was going on?

 

 **Summary:** Alec suddenly notices his feelings for another guy. Could this be more than just a crush? Of course he feels really guilty, because he still loves Magnus.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? What do you think? I guess this isn't what you expected, but don't worry, soon it all will make sense.  
> Thanks for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus hears Jo and Haley talk about Alec, him and... Alec's crush??????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey :) Sorry for not updating yesterday, I'll add another chapter later today to make up for it <3

**Magnus**

For the last few days my boyfriend had been acting pretty strange. When I'd tried to start a make out session he had always left the room with some stupid excuse and sometimes he just stared at me with so much pain in his eyes. Of course I'd tried to help my boyfriend, but whenever I showed him any affection he looked really unconformable and sad. Whatever I did it just got worse.

I had seen this behavior a lot of times before. Too many times. Usually it had meant that my partner would break up with me soon, but this was different, this was Alec, my Alexander. He loved me, right?

_But who could love a demon? Maybe there is a reason because I never can be happy, because everyone left me. Maybe Alec knows that. Maybe he should leave. Maybe it would be better for him. Maybe..._

I shook my head angrily. Why couldn't that stupid little voice in my head just shut up? We would be fine. I would find out what was wrong and then...

“...do you think is wrong with Alec?”

WHAT? That was Jo's voice. They were talking about Alec. Maybe I shouldn't eavesdrop on a conversation between my boyfriends friends, relationships were about trust after all, but...

“I don't know. He really have been acting strange for the last few days...”, said Haley.

“Just for the last few days? I knew there was something up right at the first day.”, Jo exclaimed.

“What are you talking about. Yes, he is unusually shy and all that, but...”, Haley asked unsure.

“You didn't see what I saw. When he took his shirt off in the locker room I almost had a heart attack!”

“Wait... Do you have a thing for Alec? I thought you were straight...”, said Haley sounding as surprised as I felt.

Because I was wondering if Alec would be mad at me for killing his friend because he looked at what was mine, I almost missed Jo's answer.

“No, of course not.” Hm... good for him. No I wouldn't have to end his existence. “I think he might have been abused. Seriously, his whole body is covered in scares. Don't you think it's strange that he never talks about his parents? He told us so much about his siblings and always says we have to meet them soon, but he never told us about his parents or why he doesn't live with them anymore.”

Shit. I had took care of his rune scars, so nobody would notice, but I hadn't thought of his battle scars.

“Yeah, I know what you mean.”, said Haley, “Do you think this whole homeschooling story is a lie? Sometimes it is like he never heard about some quite normal things before and he acts like being around other teenagers is totally new for him. It's like we are his first friends who aren't his family. Do you think his parents locked him up or something? Are his scares really that bad? I noticed the ones on his arms, but I thought maybe he is just clumsy or something... but if it is his whole body? Maybe he had an accident? Did you ask him about it?”

“Yes, he said exactly that. That he is clumsy and something about his boyfriend's cat. No cat can leave such scars, Haley. Maybe a tiger, but not a normal cat.”, he explained sounding pretty worried.

“Wow, that sounds really bad.”, said Haley shocked. “If he actually had been abused, it would explain why he is so jumpy sometimes. Yesterday I just tabbed him on the shoulder and he went in some kind of defense position.”

“Yeah and every time some teacher gets mad at the class and yells at us he isn't bored or annoyed like the rest of us, he looks... I don't know... Guilty? Scared? Hurt?”, Jo said in a sad voice.

“I know! I always try to cheer him up, but nothing really helps. Last week Mr. Mayer got pretty mad at him for not being able to solve some math problem. I tried to explain him that Alec had been home schooled and never learned how to do that, but Alec just told me to calm down and let that asshole treat him like shit. The next day he showed up with really, _really_ dark circles under his eyes and was suddenly better than me. I think he stayed up all night to study. I just wish I'd knew how to help him.”

I tightened my grip around the door handle until my knuckles turned white. I knew Alec had some problems with adjusting to a normal life, but this? I wanted to kill Maryse and Robert for forming him like this. Of course I had notice that he worked way too much, but I hadn't thought it was so bad. Maybe that was the reason for his strange behavior? But if I was right, why wouldn't he tell me? Was he still fearing I would treat him like he was treated by his parents?

“He probably did.”, said Jo, “The first thing Magnus did when he met us the first time was thanking me for taking care of Alec. Maybe it's really necessary.”

“I guess it is. And by the way, don't you think their relationship is a bit strange?”, asked Haley.

“Yeah. They look so in love and act like the perfect couple, but if that was true, Alec wouldn't have a crush on someone else, right?”

What? My heart sank to my stomach within seconds. Alexander, my Alexander had feelings for someone else? Well, he was an inexperienced teenager, having a crush was pretty normal, but it still hurt.

“Crush? That's not just a crush. Didn't you notice the way he looks at him? And he blushes every time that guy smiles at him. He acts the same way around him he acts around Magnus. I think it's love.”

 _Love._ That was the last thing I heard before the bell ringed and signaled the end of the break.

 _Love._ Alec was in love with someone else. With some mundane high school boy? Someone who wasn't eight hundred years old? With someone who hadn't slept wit _seventeen thousand_ other people? With someone mortal, who could age and die with him? Someone who was like him? Someone who wasn't a demon? _Someone who deserved him?_

I hadn't been so insecure for a very long time, but Alec and me were just so different. It had just been a matter of time until he would realize that he could have someone better. Alec was young, handsome, smart... Probably had every boy on this school who was interested in men a crush on him. Of course he had fallen for one of them.

Was he cheating on me? I couldn't imagine my sweet, innocent Alexander doing something like that, but it would explain his behavior towards me. Maybe he felt guilty? I'd have thought he would at least break up with me before trying to be with someone else, but he was so young. Maybe he was afraid of his own feelings? Or he felt trapped in the relationship with me? He was living at my apartment after all. If he would leave me, he would be homeless.

A wave of anger traveled through my body. I wasn't mad at Alexander, I was just hurt. I was mad at myself. I knew I wouldn't kick Alec out for doing this to me. I still loved him and I couldn't stand the thought of him suffering. Fuck! I wanted him to be happy rather than me, even if he was cheating on me.

I created a portal and went home. At least I didn't have lessons for the rest of the day. I curled up under the blankets on our bed and started crying. My make up was running all over my face and my whole body shook with violent sobs, but I didn't care.

It was happening _again._ Like so many times before I had thought I'd finally found my destiny, I was finally happy, but it was all a lie. Alexander had managed to tear down the walls I had built around my heart with just a single look of his beautiful blue eyes, but now I realized that it had been a mistake to let him in. Maybe I shouldn't try to be happy. Maybe I should just go back to the emotional numbness and faceless one nightstands.

Maybe nobody could truly love me...

 

 **Summary:** Magnus wonders about Alec's strange behavior. He eavesdrop on a conversation between Haley and Jo about Alec's problems. They also talk about Alec being in love with someone else. Of course Magnus is really hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for all the pain Magnus is in. :( Is Alec really in love with that new guy???? You'll find out soon, I promise!  
> Thanks for reading! Please tell me what your opinion about this chapter! :)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus make out and then something bad happens...

**Alec**

Since I had noticed the guy four days ago, I had seen him three more times. Every time this strange feeling of... belonging to him had grown stronger. I always tried to look away, but something about him just pulled me in. Each time I'd stared at him he'd looked back at me, gave me a smile and winked at me and one time when no one else was around he even blew me a kiss...

I guess I could have went over to him and talk to him, but I knew I couldn't do that to Magnus. No matter how desperately I wanted to know what exactly was going on between me and the guy, I loved Magnus more than I ever thought it was possible. I wanted him in my life, I needed him in my life, forever, but I was already loosing him, even if I wasn't really cheating on him.

Every time he showed me any kind of affection, I could feel the guilt eating me away. I knew Magnus would find out sooner or later if I couldn't learn to act normal around him. He probably wouldn't be mad, just hurt. God, I never wanted to hurt Magnus. The thought of that was even more painful than the thought of loosing him, if that was even possible.

I had caused Magnus so much trouble already, had him forced to share his home with me, to take care of me after _it_ happened, to hold back at every part of his life... I knew I wasn't okay and that it would probably take me a lot of time to heal, but it wasn't fair towards Magnus.

I wish I could at least give Magnus something back, but I couldn't be the boyfriend he deserved. I couldn't flirt with him as smooth as he does with me, I couldn't find the right words to express my feelings, while he confessed his love in the most beautiful ways every day, I couldn't please him with my body though I knew he wanted me too, even if he was patient for me and now I couldn't even love him the way I hoped he loved me.

I looked over at him from my place at the couch. When I had came home today he had looked so sad. Normally he would give me a soft kiss and ask me about my day, but today he'd just gone straight to the bedroom and had locked himself in there for at least half an hour. I'd asked him what was wrong and had pleaded him to let me in, but he just told me I shouldn't worry about it and go watch some TV.

When he finally came out I'd went to him as fast as I could and wrapped my arms around him. Instead of relaxing into my embrace like I thought he would, he took a step back, gave me a sad and broken smile and set down in front of the TV.

Firsts I had thought that something happened at school or with one of his clients, but then I had caught him looking at me with tears in his eyes a couple of times. This had to be about me, or rather about the way I had treated him the last few days. The thought that I had caused the pain in those beautiful, golden eyes was tearing my heart to shreds.

“Magnus?”

Nothing.

“Magnus, I know something is bothering you, please tell me what's wrong, will you?”

“Everything is alright love, don't worry.”, Magnus lied.

“Mags, we both know that that's not true. Can I at least try to distract you, if you won't tell me what happened?” I pleaded desperate. I couldn't give him up without a fight. If we couldn't talk, I had to show my feelings in an other way. Maybe that would bring us closer together again.

Magnus just looked at me, his face drained of all emotions. Then something flashed in his eyes. A mix of pain and... desperation? Despair?

Before I had time to think about it, Magnus moved forward and pressed me to the couch under me. He had never been this aggressive, had always made sure he wouldn't hurt me, but I quite liked this change. I moaned into his mouth, pulled back a little for air, opened my eyes and...

That wasn't Magnus on top of me, it was the guy I had met at school.

But he looked like Magnus.

But he doesn't.

It was Magnus, my boyfriend.

Or was it the guy?

No, it was Magnus.

But it wasn't.

But, but...

Suddenly my head felt like someone had broke it in two with an ax or something. Waves of pain traveled trough my body. It was so intense that I could barley hold my screams back.

I pushed Magnus away from me and ran to the bathroom. I could hear Magnus surprised yell and a cry of pain when he fell to the floor, but I couldn't do anything but lock the door as fast as possible.

As soon as I was alone I broke down to tears. The pain was just too much. When I moved my hands away from my face they were wet from tears and... blood. After a few minutes the feeling of knives being stabbed in my brain over and over again transformed into a dull pain.

I managed to get up from the cold bathroom floor and limp to the mirror. My eyes were red from all the crying, traces of tears could be seen on my face and my nose was bleeding.

“Alec? Are you okay? Pleas answer me!”

Magnus voice sent a new wave of pain through my body.

“Magnus.... please go!”

“Alec, please...”

“GO!”, I screamed in pain. I knew I was hurting him, but I needed him to leave me alone. With shaking hands I pulled my phone out and pressed it to my ear.

“Hey Alec, what's up?”

“Izzy... I...”, I panted.

“Alec? Alec what's wrong!?”, she asked me worried.

“Izzy, I'm at the apartment. I need your help... Please Izzy, please hurry...”

After that, the world around me went black and the last thing I could hear before my body hit the floor was Magnus calling out for me.

 

 **Summary:** Alec feels really guilty for having feelings for someone else. He notices that something is wrong with Magnus and tries to help him. Magnus seems to be very sad. Magnus kisses Alec, but suddenly Alec sees the other guy and is in a lot of pain. He locks himself in the bathroom and calls Izzy for help, then he passes out...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's really not a normal crush? Why is Alec in so much pain? Will Izzy be able to help him? Please tell me what you think!  
> Thanks for reading! Love you all <3


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Izzy gets an alarming call from her brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to add another chapter later today, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to do it, because maybe I'll be busy with homework :(

**Izzy**

_Alec was gone now for six whole weeks. I knew he would never, could never come back to us, but I still waited every morning at the table for him until Jace showed up to tell me in an emotionless voice he would eat his breakfast in his room and maybe I should do the same. I never did. I always tried to make pancakes the way Alec would have done it, burned them, threw them into the trashcan and ate some bread at the empty table._

“ _IZZY! STOP ACTING LIKE HE DIED!!! HE JUST MOVED OUT!”_

_I angrily stared back at Jace. “Oh, like you are better! You can't even say his name if you are not around him! ALEC! We're talking about our brother ALEC! And of course I know that he isn't dead, but I miss him, okay? At least I show some emotions, unlike you! And he didn't “just move out”! We both know that he is not okay, and if he isn't fine, I'm not either!”_

“ _I know Izzy, I know. But he is getting better. We'll visit him today, okay?”_

 _Since_ it _happened Alec hadn't been the same. I didn't know what exactly had happened in the Silent City and Alec wouldn't talk about it._

_He had been physically weak, but that wasn't what had worried me. It was the way he'd behaved. He'd flinch away from normal touches, apologiz when he felt like he made a mistake, and that had happened a lot, had stopped eating and had been depressed all the time. The only person who had been allowed to touch him or could make him smile was Magnus._

_I had been aware of the fact that Alec wasn't okay for the last five years now. When I was younger I would just notice that he was sad a lot and try to cheer him up, but later I realized that it was more than that._

_Other people saw a shy teenager, but I knew he was doubting himself. Other people saw a boy who didn't care about fashion or if there were holes in his clothes, but I knew he wanted to hide. Other people thought he was selfless, I knew he was feeling replaceable and like a waste of space. My parents liked that he was behaving well, way better than me, Jace or Max, but I knew he was scared to disappoint them. Some older shadowhunters praised him for being responsible, but I knew he was blaming himself for every little mistake, even if it wasn't his own. Other people said he was modest, but I knew he thought he was worthless._

_Nobody, not even Jace or me, had ever seen all of Alec, he was always holding something back. The first person he let in, at least a little bit, had been Magnus._

_After they'd met Alec had began to change. Or maybe he hadn't change at all. Maybe he had just started becoming his true self. For the first time I'd had hope he would be fine._

_But than_ it _happened and that hope had been destroyed in the blink of an eye._

 _Jace was right, he had started getting better in the past few weeks, but he was still worse than before. I knew he hated sitting around Magnus apartment, unable to do something useful. If we wouldn't find a solution for the future soon, it would just get worse. Alec was the kind of person who needed a plan, a goal he could try to reach. In the past he had been to focused on that, but now he needed to figure out what_ he _wanted._

“ _Izzy?”, Jace said and I shook my head to get rid of all this sad thoughts._

“ _Yes. What did you just say?”_

“ _Magnus called earlier. He wants us to come by as soon as possible. He said he wants to discuss Alec wants to do now. They finally have and idea that could work out.”_

 _I smiled. For the first time since_ it _happened, I felt something like hope. Maybe my brother would be okay after all._

 

“Izzy, I'm at the apartment. I need your help... Please Izzy, please hurry...”

“Alec? Alec what happened? Please say something! ALEC!!!”

Nothing.

Luckily I was already on my way to Magnus' and Alec's apartment when my brother called me and after drawing a speed rune it took me less than five minutes to get there. I burst into the apartment and went straight to Magnus who set on the couch with his head in his hands. I had never seen him cry before and the fact that he was doing it now terrifying me.

“Magnus? What's going on? Where is Alec?”

“Bathroom”, he muttered without looking at me.

I wanted to run to the room my brother was in, but suddenly wet trembling fingers wrapped around my wrist.

“Please make sure he is okay. Whatever he tells you... I think it is something really bad... Tell him I just want him to be happy.”, Magnus said and looked up at me with tears in his eyes.

His eyes... They were yellow, shaped like the ones of a cat. I'd known that this was his warlock mark and Alec had described them to me more than once with a lovesick look on his face, but I'd never actually seen them. I knew he never let his glamor down if it wasn't in front of Alec or if he was really upset. That's why I just nodded and started banging against the bathroom door.

“Alec! Alec it's me, Izzy! Please open the door!”

I could hear a pained whimper from the other side of the door and some other noises before the lock turned and I was able to slowly open it.

Alec was sitting on the floor with his legs pulled up to his body and his chin resting on his knees. It was obvious that he had cried and his whole body was shaking. I swallowed down a cry when I noticed the blood on the floor.

“Izzy”, he whispered in a weak, broken voice.

“Alec!”, I sobbed, “Alec what happened to you?”

“I don't know Izzy... Everything is so confusing and I... I... I did something bad Izzy. I didn't meant too! I promise! I love Magnus so much, I would never... I...”

After that he started sobbing uncontrollably and hugged his own legs even more tightly to his body. Quickly I dropped down on my knees and wrapped my arms protectively around my brother.

“Shh... It's okay Alec. Just tell me what happened. I'm here. It's okay.”

“There was this guy at school and I... I... I _felt_ something, Izzy. I think I'm in love with him, but I love Magnus! I love him so much, he is the best thing that ever happened to me! How can I do something so horrible to him? I'm a monster Izzy!”, he told me still crying and my eyes went wide. Alec was in love with someone else? That couldn't be true! He and Magnus were so perfect for each other!

“So... You and this guy... Are you two together or something?”, I asked awkwardly.

“WHAT? NO! Of cause not! I could never cheat on Magnus! I told you, I love him! Besides, I don't even know his name.”, Alec yelled, suddenly even paler.

“You never talked to him? Then how do you know that you love him? What do you even know about him?”, I asked confused.

“I just know Izzy, okay? Well... he's Asian. He has golden skin and beautiful brown eyes that sometimes look golden. He has black hair that looks like it would feel like silk if I could run my fingers through it, even though he wears it all spiked up and dyes it in a different color every day. He always wears fashionable clothes and make up and it looks gorgeous on him. Oh, and he seems to love glitter.”, Alec added blushing.

I just stared at him, not knowing how to react.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?”, he asked frowning.

“Alec...”, I said carefully, “You just described Magnus. And in a really romantic way I might add.”

“No... I... I...”, suddenly pain was written all over his face.

“Alec?”, I asked worried.

“How...?”, was the last thing he could say before his nose started bleeding and his eyes rolled back into his skull. I was barely fast enough to catch him before his head hit the floor.

 

 **Summary:** _Izzy's feelings six weeks after_ it _happened. She also thinks a lot about Alec's life before that._  Izzy goes to the apartment to help Alec. He tells her about the guy and when Alec describes him she notices that he is describing Magnus. She tells him and he suddenly starts bleeding and passes out again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still want to beat up Alec's crush? Aka Magnus? I hope you are not too confused now ;) What do you think is going on? Please tell!  
> Thanks for reading, you are amazing!!!!


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How does Magnus feel about being hurt once again? And what happens after Alec passed out?

**Magnus**

“Magnus?”, Alexander called out.

I couldn't look a him. I knew if I did I would burst into tears and I wouldn't allow myself to fall apart in front of Alec.

“Magnus, I know something is bothering you, please tell me what's wrong, will you?”

He sounded so concerned. I knew if I looked at him right now, he would gaze back at me with so much love shining in his perfect, blue orbs. He would look at me like I was the most important thing in the whole world. Like he really loved me, only me. Like he wasn't secretly thinking about someone else. Like I wasn't unlovable.

“Everything is alright love, don't worry.”, I told him, just barley stopping my hands from trembling.

“Mags, we both know that that's not true.”, he said and I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. How could _he_ say something like that? _He_ was the one who was lying! _He_ was the one who was pretending everything was fine, knowing it was not.

“Can I at least try to distract you, if you won't tell me what happened?”

I looked at him, really looked at him. The emotions on his face seemed real, so what if there was still hope? Maybe I shouldn't expect this to be something special, or at least not special for him. What if it was my fault? Clearly he couldn't love me the way I loved him. Before I met him, I had given up on love at all and now I wanted to go back to when, but I knew I couldn't. Maybe the way he loved me had to be enough, was the only one I could get, even if it hurt.

I wanted to pull back, to run, as far away as possible, but I wasn't strong enough for that. I just wanted to taste this lips one last time, to feel happy and safe, just for a few minutes, so instead of pushing him away I attacked his lips with a hungry kiss. Suddenly I was on top of him and he moaned in the most delicious way possible. It felt like it always did and let my blood rush south, but it was so wrong. I knew that, but I was able to push that thought away for a few moments, enjoy the sensation for a bit longer, until Alec abruptly pushed me to the floor and ran to the bathroom.

Of course I tried to talk to him, but he screamed at me to leave him alone. I begged him to tell me what was wrong, but he just stopped answering at all and suddenly it was all too much. For the second time that day I couldn't hold my tears back anymore.

I was sitting on the couch, sobbing in misery and being sorry for myself when the front door opened and Izzy came in. It was obvious that she knew that something happened, Alexander had probably called her. I told her where she would find her brother and couldn't help but beg her too make sure he would be okay, even if that meant I wouldn't be. I couldn't stand the thought of him suffering. After all he was the love of my life, even though he saw that a bit different.

After she was gone I just sat there, doing nothing but stare at my own, tear covered hands. I could hear muted voices coming from the bathroom, but I couldn't understand what they were saying. One time I heard something that sounded like “cheat on Magnus”, making me flinch and letting more tears escape my eyes.

I didn't know how much time passed by until Izzy suddenly started to scream.

“ALEC!”

My blood run cold. Even before Izzy could start calling out my name I was on my feet and running to the bathroom.

The first thing I noticed when I stormed into the bathroom was the blood. There was some on the floor, but more importantly, on Alexanders angelic face. He was very pale and his sister was pressing his unconscious body to her own.

“What happened?”, I asked in my High Warlock voice and Izzy looked up at me.

“I don't know. He was really upset. We were talking and then he suddenly seemed to be in pain, started bleeding and passed out.”

“Help me to carry him to the bedroom. I need to examine him.”, I said calmly. The most important thing now was to help Alexander, I could break down later.

As soon as we placed him on the bed, I pushed my magic inside his body, searching for any kind of injury, but I couldn't find any. There was just the feeling of Alexander, warm and alive, but in so much pain, and the tickling sensation of my magic and... oh.

“Magnus? Did you find anything?”, Izzy asked, obliviously forcing herself to stay calm.

“It's magic.”, I told her.

“What? What kind of magic?”, she asked sounding scared.

“Mine.”, I whispered.

“WHAT? Magnus! What the hell did you do?”, she yelled angrily.

“I don't know! Do you really think I would hurt Alec on purpose?”, I yelled back. “What exactly did he told you before he passed out?”

After she finished I couldn't say anything for a few seconds. Suddenly it all made sense. Alec's strange behavior, the things Jo and Haley said... How... how could I have been so stupid? This was all my fault! If I hadn't been so pathetic, if I had tried to talk to Alec...

“Magnus? Magnus what's going on? Is Alec okay? Can you help him?”

“Izzy... I'm sorry... This is all my fault...”, I whispered, tears forming in my eyes again.

“But... he will be okay, right?”, she sobbed, staring at me with big brown eyes.

“I don't know Isabelle. I don't know if this can be fixed.”

 

 **Summary:** Magnus is sad because he things Alec loves someone else. After Alec ran to the bathroom Izzy arrives at the apartment to help her brother. Suddenly she calls for help, because Alec passed out. Magnus realizes that it is his own magic that it is hurting his boyfriend. After Izzy tells him what Alec told her, he isn't sure if he will be able to help Alec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How do you even write a mayor character death scene? Someone?  
> Thanks for reading <3


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus finally figured out what is going on and tells Izzy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I'm sick today. :( That means I can't really leave my bed, but I can still write! :) That's why this is online much earlier than usual. I'll definitively add another chapter later.

**Magnus**

“I don't know Isabelle. I don't know if this can be fixed.”

After that she kept quiet for a few minutes. I could feel her gaze laying heavily on me while I muttered spells and replaced the old, displaced magic with new one that would hopefully smooth the pain I'd caused.

I still couldn't believe that I had been the one who did this to him. I had sat at home, crying over my own fate, not realizing that I was the one who was to blame for this whole mess.

I removed my hands from his head and sank down next to him. Alexander was paler than usual, there was dried blood all over his face and he looked exhausted, but he was still the most beautiful creature I'd ever seen. Carefully I brushed some of the sweaty hair, which was hanging in his eyes, away.

I felt guilty about doing so, he probably wouldn't want me to come anywhere near him ever again, let alone touch him, but I couldn't help it. This stupid shadowhunters had thought they could take being a nephilim away from him by doing _it,_ but right now it was quite obvious that he had angel blood. I watched his full, pink lips open up a bit to let out a heavy breath, his eyelashes brushed his high cheekbones... He hadn't just angel blood, he was an angel himself, I decided. He was my angel and I couldn't loose him.

“Magnus?”, whispered a small voice next to me. I looked over to Isabelle who was visibly fighting back her tears.

“Magnus... Please just tell me what is wrong with Alec. Whatever happened, I'm sure it wasn't your fault. I need Alec. Please tell me...”

“But it was my fault Izzy!”, I yelled, “I did this spell on purpose! I just hadn't thought...”

“I... I used a spell to hide from the mundanes. So they wouldn't recognize me as Mr. Bane, the history teacher, and Magnus, Alec's boyfriend! I just wanted to help him... I knew how hard adjusting to this new life was for him... and I wanted to spend more time with him... God, I was so selfish! I wanted to be part of his new life, meet his friends, but also see him as much as possible. I never meant to hurt someone, especially not Alexander! I just didn't think that... How could I be so stupid? I guess it didn't even did any good, he was probably annoyed by me anyway. He... he didn't even tell me that there was a problem! He was probably right by not trusting me! And I blamed him! I thought he was cheating on me, while it was all my fault and...

“Magnus!”, Izzy yelled and grabbed my shoulders to stop my rant. “By the angel, Magnus! We can discuss this later! Please just tell me what exactly the spell did to my brother. And why did it effect him anyway? Didn't you say it was meant to trick the mundanes? Alec isn't a mundane.”

“I know, but he isn't a normal shadowhunter either. That's why it worked so different on him! It made him forget who I really was, but it didn't work all the time. That's why he didn't noticed something was wrong when he met me in class. In addition the spell just changed his memories, not his feelings.”, I explained tired.

“So... That guy...?”, she asked unsure.

“That was me. He had a crush on me. I... I heard his friend talking... and Alec acted strange... I thought he was cheating on me...”, my voice trailed of. I couldn't believe how wrong I had been, and now he probably thought I didn't want him anymore, after the way I had acted today. I knew I couldn't fix everything what had gone wrong in his life, couldn't turn back time and stop people from hurting him, but at least I wanted him to know he was loved, but I couldn't even do that.

“Okay... I think I know what happened now, but there is one more thing. Why did the spell hurt Alec? You said it was only supposed to trick his mind a bit...”, Izzy said frowning.

“The spell tried to show him two different things at once. That was to much for his brain. Moreover the spell was stronger on him, because he was emotionally so effected. Oh god, my pour Alexander. You must have been so scared.”, I said and wrapped my fingers around his cold ones.

“Scared??? You have no idea Magnus! He broke down, crying, blaming himself for what happened...”

Izzy stopped yelling when she noticed that I wasn't looking at her anymore. I couldn't do anything but stare at Alec'shand in mine. A teardrop fell from my eyes, landed on his pale skin and burst in thousand pieces.

“Magnus...”, she said in an a lot softer voice, “I'm sorry. I'm not actually blaming you for this. I'm just really worried, okay?”

I didn't answer her. She gave me a curious look when I jerked my hand away from Alexander and stepped away from the bed.

“What are you doing?”, she asked.

“I... I shouldn't do this. He wouldn't want me to... to be close to him.”, I said through gritted teeth.

“What? He loves you, why wouldn't he want that?”, Izzy asked, still confused.

“He doesn't love me. He _loved_ me. After this... I'm not even sure if he'll wake up, but if he does, he won't want to stay with me.”

“Magnus... Are you leaving him?”, Izzy asked furious.

“What? No! Never!”, I yelled shocked. “I'm just... I'll give him whatever he needs. I... I don't know if he'll wake up, but if he does, I'll leave if he asks me to. He can take the apartment and I'll take care of school and...”

“Magnus! Stop!”, Izzy shouted. “He'll forgive you. You know Alec isn't one for holding grudges.”

“I don't even want him to forgive me Izzy. This... this could be good for him. He will finally realize what my magic really is. What I really am. I'm sure you wouldn't want him to waste his time with a demon.”

 

 **Summary:** Magnus blames himself for what happened. He explains Izzy that it was the spell he used to trick the mundanes that hurt Alec. Will Alec ever wake up again? And will he still love Magnus after what happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep... now you know what's going on... No cheating at all!!!! Alec only loves Magnus. Two times!!! A lot of you already guessed some parts of the truth, but darkparadise994 figured it all out after the last chapter!  
> Will Alec wake up? If he does, how will he react to the truth? What do you think? Please tell!  
> Thanks for reading you amazing, beautiful people out there!!!!! <3


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jace's feelings. And a surprise at the end.

**Jace**

_Pain, fear, anger, despair, shame, loneliness, pain again..._

_For the past two days I hadn't left my room. I knew they were hurting him. They came two days ago to escort Alec to the Silent City. Of course we, Izzy and I, had tried to get more time, had asked why he needed to be there so early, two days before they were actually going to strip him out of his marks, but nothing worked. They had told us he had to be there for some preparations, but the feelings I received through the parabatai rune told a whole different story._

_It was obvious that Alec tried to close himself of, probably to protect me. And people said I was the stubborn one! They were going to do the one thing to him likely every shadowhunter feared the most, and he felt the need to protect_ me? _I wasn't the one who was locked up in the Silent City and probably tortured, for crying out loud!_

“ _Jace?”, asked Izzy from the other side of my closed bedroom door. “It's almost time...”_

“ _I know Izzy! Do you really think I could forget that?”, I yelled at her and jerked the door open. I froze when I saw her. Her eyes were red from all the crying, her hair was extremely messy and she wasn't waring any make up at all, but that wasn't what had surprised me so much. What really had shocked me was, that she looked like Alec. We all had become so used to Alec's bad mood, that I now always pictured him looking miserable when I thought about him._

_I knew why Izzy was here, of course I did. I'd had to promise to Alec that I wouldn't be alone when they cut our bound, ripped out a part of my soul, took away the one thing that always kept me going..._

“ _Izzy, I'm sor...”_

_A wave of fear traveled through my body. Or rather two. First Alec's emotions and then my own, after I realized what was happening. My fingers cramped around the door handle and I barley managed to restrain the urge to run to Alec, my parabatai, my brother, who was in danger, but I couldn't do anything. I was just so completely useless!_

“ _Jace? What are you feeling?”, Izzy asked scared._

_Not just for the last few days, but also for the whole last week after the letter arrived I had tried to not show Alec's emotions I felt through the bound to Izzy. Of course it had gotten pretty hard since they had taken him and he'd started to be in pain in random intervals the entire day._

_It had been even harder with Max. He should be to young to actually understand what exactly was going on, but he was a smart boy. I understood that he was scared of loosing his brother, I was scared too._

“ _There is fear... he is really afraid... never felt something like that before... I think they'll start now.”_

_Izzy led me over to the bed, closed the door and drew a locking rune on it._

“ _What are you doing?”, I asked her while rising an eyebrow._

“ _Trust me, I read about this.”_

“ _First the messy hair and that ugly sweater and now you start reading books? I know you miss Alec, but isn't this a bit to much?”, I said trying to smile, but failing._

_Izzy didn't replied. She just said down next to me and waited. I'd never been so grateful for another persons presence._

_The fear became stronger and stronger, suddenly a sharp pain ripped through my chest, as if my heart suddenly had turned into glass and then shattered to millions of little pieces and then..._

_Nothing._

_Emptiness._

_Alec wasn't there anymore._

_I sprinted to the door, I needed to get to him, needed to help him, needed to..._

_The door was locked._

“ _IZZY!!! Give me my stele! Now!”, I yelled._

“ _Jace... I'm sorry. There is nothing you can do.”_

“ _Izzy! I need to help him. I... I can't live like this! Give me my stele or kill me, I don't care, just make this stop.”, I begged her, tears streaming down my face._

“ _I'm sorry Jace. We can't do anything. We'll just have to try to be there for Alec now.”_

_She had to cover her ears when an agonized scream escaped my throat._

 

I groaned in pain. I had slept on Magnus couch for the second night now, and my back was hurting as hell. The stupid warlock had just one spare room and he offered that to Izzy. She had accepted but told him every hour or so he should sleep as well, but he wouldn't leave Alec's side. He had drunk some kind of magical potion that let him stay awake.

When I first heard about what happened I wanted to kill him or at least break a few bones. He had promised to keep my brother safe, but now we couldn't even be sure if he would ever wake up again. I hadn't even known that something was wrong! Without the bound I couldn't protect him the way I was supposed to. I felt so useless.

The only reason why I haven't killed Bane yet was that I could see how happy he had made Alec. No matter what happened now, at least my brother had been able to smile for some time.

When I had come to the apartment after Izzy had called me, I'd expected Magnus to clinch to Alec, well he kind of did, but he wouldn't touch him. When Izzy had told me what he'd said, I recognized his behavior. Alec did the same all the time. He blamed himself and would give all of himself away as long the ones he loved were happy.

I got up to go to the bedroom but suddenly someone grabbed my shoulder and jerked me back.

“What the hell Izzy?”, I asked angrily.

“Don't do that Jace. Give them some time. Alec just woke up.”

 

 **Summary:** _Jace knows that something is wrong with Alec after they took him to the Silent City. He feels the parabatai bound being cut._ Jace sees that Magnus blames himself. Izzy tells Jace that Alec woke up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALEC IS NOT DEAD!!!! YES!  
> But what are Alec and Magnus talking about? What happened after Alec woke up? Please tell me what you think!  
> Thanks for reading!!!


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec wakes up.

**Magnus**

Alexander had been in coma for two days. I hadn't talked to him in two days. I hadn't kissed his lips in two days. I hadn't even held his hand for heaven's sake!

Izzy had told me I was stupid, that it wasn't my fault and even if it was, Alec would forgive me, but Jace made her shut up. He had told me the same things, but he knew it wouldn't change anything. If Alexander wouldn't wake up, I'd never forgive myself and maybe I couldn't even do it if he'd be fine.

When Alec told me what the clave was going to do to him, the knowledge that he was going to suffer because of his relationship with me had been killing me. The only thing what had helped was what Isabelle had told me the day _it_ happened:

_Magnus, I'm not going to lie to you, Alec will suffer. This will hurt him, like he had never been hurt before, but it won't destroy him. For a long, long time Alec had been miserable, but that changed the day he met you. Maybe this won't destroy him, but the way he lived before you came into his life was. Back these days I was afraid I would never see him truly happy._

_I know he still won't be okay for a long time. Some things never can be fixed, but perhaps that's not even necessary, because we will always love him, no matter how broken he might be. You will always love him, Magnus._

_You are the reason my brother smiled more in the last two months than he did for the last five years. I know he will suffer, but I think it's worth it. Your relationship had always been worth the risk. It's better for him to be happy in the future than not being okay at all, right?_

_Because of you I hope, no, I_ know _Alec will be happy one day. Thank you._

Two months ago her words had been able to save me, but not now. Knowing that I had done something good for Alexander, that I hadn't just destroyed his life, had made me keep going, but this was different. Alexander had already been happy. He could have live a good life. He could have spend time with his friends, finish school, became a police officer...

Doing this to him hadn't been something necessary, a side effect of making him happy, it just had hurt him.

I took another sip of the potion that made me stay awake and looked down at my sleeping beauty. We had cleaned up all the dried blood on his face and Izzy had changed him in a clean shirt.

Of course I could have done it, but I didn't want to use even more magic on him and I didn't want to take his shirt off. Okay, obviously I  _wanted_ to, but I couldn't. I knew Alec wouldn't feel comfortable with that.  After all I wasn't even sure if we were still together.

“Magnus? Why are you crying?”

I froze. Slowly I turned my head to look  in the d irection of the voice and was met with the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Something I once had hoped I would be allowed to wake up  to  every day.  Deep, perfect pools of blue, only interrupted by traces of ice, leading to the black center that hold more innocence I 'd thought could exist. Broken, but therefore even more beautiful. Blue eyes made of shattered glass. Alexanders eyes.

“Mags? Is everything okay? What happened?”, he asked, looking at me worried.

And then I just couldn't hold back anymore. I told him everything what had happened without stopping even once. I hadn't slept for more than 60 hours now and all that time I had remembered the events again and again, trying to find something I hadn't noticed before. A way to safe Alexander.

“...you have been asleep for two days Alexander. I... I thought I'd lost you... I was so scared...”, I sobbed, desperate clutching the bedsheets, still afraid to touch him.

After I had finished Alec didn't say anything for a long time. He had such a broken look on his angelic face, it shred my heart to pieces. I had caused him to look that way. He'd trusted me, gave me so much and I...

“So Izzy told you everything what happened. What I did?” 

More than the fact that he'd said anything at all after such a long time, shocked me his tone. I'd  have expected him to yell at me, to cry, to scream, but his voice was completely drained of any emotions. I had never hear d him sound so cold and distant and it turned something inside of me  in to ice.

“Why are you still here?”, he asked in the same emotionless voice.

“What? Alec, I couldn't have left you. When I saw you laying on the bathroom floor, your face covered in your own blood, I was so worried and...”

“Well, I'm okay, so you can go now.”

“Alec...”, I wanted to say more, but I knew he wouldn't want to hear it. It wasn't a surprise, not really. Which angel could love a demon? 

I stood up from my chair, for the first time in two days, and turned to the door.

“Magnus, wait!”, Alec called out and I stopped moving towards the door, but I didn't turn around again, I couldn't look at him right now.

“I... I just need you to know that I am sorry. I never wanted to do this to you, and I'll always love you, only you. I need you to know that as long as I live you'll always be loved. I wish there was something, anything I could do to make you stay, to make you forgive me, but...”

“Stop! Alec!”, I yelled and spin around. “Why would you have to make me stay? You are the one who just told me to leave! And why the hell would _you_ need forgiveness? I almost killed you Alexander!”

“So... You are not going to break up with me?”, he asked, hope shimmering in his beautiful blue orbs.

“WHAT??? Me? Breaking up with you? Why would I do something as horrible as that?”, I asked still shocked. “ _I almost killed you!_ You should be the one breaking up with me!”

“Why would I do that? You didn't do this on purpose. You just tried to help me. You didn't even know that something was wrong, but I... I... I didn't tell you. I lied to you. I didn't knew it was you, but I still...”, his voice trailed of. All of a sudden I could clearly see just how young he really was.

“Alec... You did nothing wrong. I'm honestly surprised you didn't just go for it when I flirted with you. The other me I mean.”, I told him and his eyes widened.

“Magnus... I would never cheat on you... I love you.”, he said, his eyes suddenly shining with unshed tears.

“Oh Alec, my Alexander... I love you. I just wish you could understand how much.”

With that I leaned in and captured his slightly trembling lips in a soft kiss. Maybe one day Alexander would see himself the way I saw him and until then and even after that I would make sure to show him how much I loved him every day.

 

**Summary: ** Magnus blames himself. Alec wakes up. Both of them are sorry for pretty stupid reasons. Of course they don't even need to ask for forgiveness. Magnus loves Alec. A lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, it is so late and I still have to do my homework, but I needed to do this first! I'm not sure what you expected, but I just hope it didn't suck. Please tell me what you think! Thanks for reading <3


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus make out, until...

**Alec**

“I love you. I just wish you could understand how much.”

Suddenly his warm lips were on mine. I knew I was trembling, had just almost died and probably looked and smelled like it, but I couldn't help but get lost in the kiss. The time since I had started to go to school had been pretty stressful, but the last week had topped it all. Not being sure if Magnus would stay by my side for much longer had almost killed me. Of course the magic had caused some damage as well, but the feeling of losing the love of my life had been much worse.

There were still so many things I wanted to tell him, but right now I just enjoyed the feeling of being loved, being safe in his arms.

Our kiss quickly turned into something more passionate and I groaned when he rolled on top of me.

“Alexander? Are you okay? Did I hurt you? I'm so sorry, I should have been more careful...”, he gasped and propped himself up on his forearms so he suddenly wasn't touching me anymore. I let out a small whine at the loss.

“What is it darling? Please tell me what's wrong.”, Now he sounded almost panicked and started scanning my body for injuries.

“Magnus!”, I whimpered, “What are you doing?”

“Was it to much? I'm sorry I should have asked you if you want to...”

“Why did you stop kissing me?”, I interrupted him. “I'm not hurt, I just... I... uhm... I was really enjoying this.” I could feel my cheeks heat up and quickly looked away.

After a few seconds I felt his hot breath right next to my ear. “So... you want me to do something like this?”

He ducked his head and his hot lips met the sensitive skin of my neck. Magnus sucked at that spot for a few moments, while I tried to hold back my moans and then he carefully bit down on it. It felt so good that I started squirming under him and accidentally rubbed my rock hard cock against the bulge in his pants.

“Alexander...”, he moaned and grinded his hips into mine. His hot mouth was back on mine and his tongue was playing with my own. I desperately tried to kiss him back and remember what I was supposed to do now, but then his hands traveled lower down my body and squeezed my cheeks and I couldn't help but let out an animalistic groan. My hands fisted in his silky hair, causing him to moan into my mouth when a loud bang made us both pull back and turn to the door.

“Are you okay? We heard... noises.”, Izzy started yelling but trailed of when she saw the position we were in.

“So... Does that mean you finally understood we were right all along, warlock?”, asked Jace with a smirk but it looked softer than usual for some reason.

“Oh shut up shadowhunter. You know...”

“You are okay Alec, right? You are not in any pain? You know who we are? And which year we have? No brain damage?”, Izzy interrupted Magnus, looking concerned.

“Don't worry, I'm okay. What are you too even doing here?”, I asked back.

“Alec, you almost died, what do you think we are doing here? None of us left the apartment for two days.”, Jace said angrily.

“Two days???”, I yelled. “What about... uhm... What about our... What about Maryse and Robert?”, I whispered.

“We told them, but they... they said they don't care. I'm sorry Alec.”, Jace whispered back.

“And Max?”, I asked in a small voice.

“They didn't allow him to leave the institute. When Izzy called me I tried to take him with me, but they stopped me. He called us at least twenty times after that, asking if you were okay and if you woke up.”, Jace told me. He and my sister both gave me a soft smile. They knew I feared I would never see my little brother again, because either he wouldn't be allowed to talk to me or because Max would just forget about me at some point.

“Guys? I'm really happy to see Alec happy and all, but I don't need to see this, so...”, said Izzy and gestured in Magnus' and my direction. Just then I realized that he was still laying on top of me, with his hands buried under my body, cupping my ass and my hands in his hair. I immediately blushed and dropped my hands to my sides. Magnus chuckled at my reaction, kissed my forehead and rolled of me. I reddened even more when I felt his hands slide along my body to get free.

After that it was quiet for a few moments. I looked at my siblings and saw that Izzy's eyes began to shine with unshed tears. The next second her arms were wrapped around me and her face was buried in my hair.

“Don't you dare to do something like that ever again.”, she sobbed and tightened her grip around me.

After she had let go of me, Jace embraced me in a bone crushing hug. “We might not be parabatai anymore, but you would still take a part of your soul with you the moment you died.”, he whispered into my ear. When he pulled back he looked at me for a few long seconds and I gave him a small not. I didn't really knew what to say, but I didn't have to. Jace was still a part of me after all. He understood.

We all flinched when suddenly a loud ring interrupted the silence. Izzy pulled out her phone and handled it to me, a big smile on her face. I frowned and looked down at the caller ID. Max Lightwood. With shaking hands I pressed the answer button and raised the phone to my ear.

“Izzy! I'm so glad you answered! Jace promised to call me fifteen minutes ago, but he didn't! Is everything okay? Alec is fine right? Is he still asleep?”, my little brother asked sounding really upset.

“Izzy?”, he asked in a shaking voice after I didn't answered for a while. “Izzy, is Alec okay?” he sounded like he was crying now.

“Calm down Max, I'm okay. There is nothing to worry about for you.”, I said tears rolling down my face.

“Alec?! Alec, you are awake! I was so worried!”, he told me still sounding upset.

“I know Max, I know, but I'm okay.”, I assured him.

“I wish I could have visit you. I miss you so much Alec.”, Max told me.

“Oh Max, I miss you too.”, I said. Now even more tears were streaming down my face. I smiled grateful at Magnus, when he grabbed my hand and squeezed it reassuring.

“Mum is coming, I have to hang up. I love you Alec.”, Max whispered.

“I love you too.”, I said before giving the phone back to Izzy.

“Soooo... Shopping day?”, she asked and I groaned. Looks like only really dying could save me from her.

 

 **Summary:** Alec and Magnus make out, but then his siblings interrupt them. Later Max calls to make sure Alec is okay. Lightwood family love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating yesterday. I wish I'd have a good explanation, but to be honest, I was just lazy. That's why I'll upload twice today.  
> So everything is okay now? Hmmm... but for how long it will stay that way?  
> Thanks for reading <3


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alec getting ready to go to the mall. Pretty unimportant.

**Magnus**

I still couldn't believe this was true. Alec was awake, not hurt at all and wasn't mad at me. And we'd made out. And I was allowed to take him shopping and play dress up a bit. This was probably one of the best days I ever had in my long, long life.

“Why am I not allowed to wear this to the mall?”, he asked and tossed the sweater on the bed.

“Because it has holes in it, that's why.”, I told him, rolling my eyes.

“Aren't we going there to by new clothes? How am I supposed to wear new clothes if I haven't buyed them yet?”, he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Alexander, are you aware of the fact that other people don't wear their clothes until they are faded and have holes in it? They go to the mall because it is fun.”, I explained him chuckling.

“If you want to call it fun... I would call it torture.”, he answered shaking his head.

“Darling, you think getting up at _5 in the morning_ and going for a run is fun. _That_ is torture”, I said rolling my eyes again.

“You just say that because you have no discipline.”, he told me.

“Okay, okay... We have really different definitions of fun, but I know there is something we both enjoy.”, I said grinning and came closer to him.

“What are you talking about?” Alec asked confused. By Lilith, he was so innocent, it was almost too adorable.

“I don't know... maybe something like this?”, I asked and pressed him against the wall. After a few soft kisses he suddenly licked my bottom lip and I immediately opened up for him. When he started tugging at my hair and moaned into my mouth I pulled away from him and took a step back.

“Something wrong?”, he asked innocently.

“No, no... Don't worry darling. I just need to get ready. Just like you. You should wear that back shirt you bought last week. You know, the tight one.”, I said and winked at him. When he blushed and looked away I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. After that I turned around and went to the bathroom.

As soon as I closed the door behind me I let out a sharp breath and leaned against it. I really needed to learn controlling myself around Alexander. Jace and Izzy would be back soon to go to the mall with us, and I didn't want to have an erection in front of his siblings. Not again.

Earlier I had to just ignore the problem until they had gone back to the institute to shower and change. After that I excused myself to go to the bathroom to, uhm, take care of it and when I was done I saw Alec coming out of the other bathroom, looking a bit flushed.

Just thinking about that he had been in the same... _situation_ and what he had just done... I had imagined Alexanders mouth on me, how he would look on his knees for me, him moaning with his lips wrapped around my cock...

Had he thought about that too? Me sucking him off? Fucking me? Or maybe the other way around? Me on top of him thrusting into him? Would he like that? Would he really moan when he tasted my cock? Did he just jerked off earlier? Or did he touch himself somewhere else? Okay, he probably didn't, we hadn't had much time, but had he done something like that before? Would he...

Oh shit, I really needed to control myself. I went over to the mirror. I was checking my appearance and trying to take my mind off Alexander when I heard him gasp on the other side of the door. Immediately I started to worry. What if we had been wrong and he wasn't okay after all?

“Alexander? Are you okay?”, I called through the closed door.

“Magnus? Did you... uhm... did you changed my clothes?”, he asked in a shaky voice and I couldn't help but chuckle.

“Don't worry Babe, Izzy did, but if you want me to undress you, just say the word. Although I'm not sure if I would be able to hold myself back if I had you naked in our bedroom.”

After that Alexander went silent and I couldn't help the grin that formed on my face when I imagined his blush and wide eyes.

The moment I left the bathroom someone knocked on the apartment door. Izzy and Jace. I smiled. Going shopping with Alexander and his siblings was going to be so much fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, it's 2 am so technically I couldn't keep the promise to upload twice yesterday, but I tried!!! That's why this is so short. I wanted to write this much earlier and I planned the shopping trip to be in this chapter too, but something important came up. Sorry! I hope this doesn't suck, I can't really think right now, I just really want to sleep. Bye   
> Thanks for reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shopping day! :)

**Magnus**

“Alec, could you pick that up for me, please?”

Something in Izzy's voice gained my attention and I turned around to look over to the siblings. The sight in front of me made my breath catch in my throat. Alec was facing away from me and he was bending down to pick up his sisters bags. Nothing really unusual, but I understood why Izzy had sounded so amused. Earlier she had insisted on us splitting up so she could pick out some clothes for her brother. Well, she had done a pretty good job. The tight black skinny jeans hug his long legs perfectly and his ass looked so good when he bent down like this...

“Hey Magnus!”, Izzy yelled smirking when she saw my stunned expression.

Alexander spun around and smiled at me. His front looked just as hot as his backside. The shimmering, blue button down shirt matched his eyes and let them seem even bluer and more beautiful, though that shouldn't be possible. The shirt was just as tight as his pants and showed off his impressive biceps and his toned chest. I could even see the outlines of his abs.

“Magnus?”, Alec asked after I hadn't said anything for a few seconds.

“Alexander... This clothes...”, My voice trailed of when my eyes traveled up and down his body. His pants were just as tight in the front and I really had to stop staring or soon my pants would get a lot tighter too.

“Yeah... uhm... Izzy wanted me to try them on...”, Alec stammered, looking down at his feet. “You don't really like it, right? I told her it was a stupid idea. I'll... I'll just go change now and...”

“Alexander, can you promise me something?”, I interrupted him. “Promise me you will wear either this clothes or nothing at all for the rest of your life.”, I breathed out, my fingers under his chin to force him to look into my eyes.

“So... You like them?”, he asked still sounding unsure.

“Alexander, darling, please believe me when I say that you look absolutely gorgeous no matter what you wear, but as long as I can't have you completely naked or maybe in some sexy panties, I never want you to wear something else ever again.”, I whispered into his ear.

We, Izzy, me and later even Jace made him try out many more outfits and I never failed to make him blush. We were in the sixth or seventh store when someone called out for us.

“Alec! It's so good to see you! Seeing you so pale really scared me. You have no idea how relieved I was when Clary called earlier and told me you woke up.”, Luke said and pulled Alec into a quick hug. I couldn't help but chuckle when I saw the shocked expression on my boyfriends face.

“Clary called you? And why did you come to the apartment anyway?”, Alec asked.

Luke frowned. “Well, Jace and Izzy told Clary, Simon and me. Of course we went to visit you as soon as we heard what happened. We only left because your siblings promised they would call us if something happened to you, good or bad.”

“Oh... Thank you.”, Alec said a bit taken aback.

Why was he so surprised? Luke was our friend after all. The werewolf had helped Alec a lot after _it_ happened. He had helped him to deal with suddenly not being a shadowhunter anymore, he'd talked with him and Jace about the feeling of loosing ones Parabatai (even though none of them had died or become some evil psychopath) and he'd helped Alec to adjust to his new life and discover that he wanted to become a police officer as well.

Long story short, he had technically took the roll of a father figure when Alec needed one most, because his own parents had abandoned him. Actually it would have been very strange if he hadn't showed up.

“You are okay, right? If you need anything, just say the word.”, Luke said and beamed at Alec.

“No I... I'm fine.”, Alec said, still looking a bit confused.

“I'm glad. Look, I have to go and I'm sure you want to continue your little shopping tour, but I'd like to invite you all for dinner next Sunday. Jocelyn will be happy to see you Alec, she'd been so worried.”, Luke said still smiling.

After we said our goodbyes, we split up again. I went with Alec to buy some new stuff he needed for school and Izzy wanted to look for shoes that would fit to her new dress and dragged Jace along.

After Alec got all the things he needed, I stayed for a bit longer at the store and he went to the store his sister wanted to go to. It took me a bit longer than I expected to find the things I needed and after I was done, I hurried over to the shoe store. Jace and Izzy were standing in front of it, but Alec was nowhere in sight.

“Hey. Where is Alexander?”, I asked them frowning.

“I don't know.”, Izzy replied surprised. “I thought he was with you?”

“He left earlier. He wanted to join you.”, I told her worried.

“Maybe he went to the toilets or something?”, Jace said.

“Jace, he left half an hour ago.”

 

 **Summary:** They buy Alec some new clothes and he blushes a lot. After that they meet Luke, who was really worried about Alec, because he is like Alec's new Daddy now. But not in _that_ way. More like a father figure. But why is Alec suddenly missing?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you something would happen again. But what exactly is going on? Had Alec been kidnapped? Is he just a bit lost in the big, confusing mundane mall? What do you guys think?  
> Thanks for reading!!!!! :)


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What in hell happened to Alec?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW!!!! Twenty chapters already! Thank you so much for reading! I love you all, you are amazing! <3  
> Sorry for not updating yesterday. I wasn't at home all day, already had a headache and then my big brother told me that my parents have been fighting again :(

**Alec**

I left the shop in which Magnus and I had bought my new things and tried to find the shoe store Izzy had wanted to go. It was far more complicated to find it than I'd imagined, because all the mundane stores looked just the same. Magnus and Izzy would have make fun of me for thinking that, but I thought their obsession with fashion was a bit ridiculous sometimes as well, though Magnus looked absolutely gorgeous and unbelievable hot in his tight outfits and... okay, stop. I had a shop to find. I couldn't think about things like that. It was embarrassing anyway. Magnus would probably think I was just some stupid teenager if he knew how often I thought about him.

Hm... it would probably take Magnus some time to get all the things he needed, he had a quite long list with him. Maybe I should use the time to find the toilets? After our making out session I had needed to go to the bathroom to... do other things and I hadn't wanted it to look strange if I had to go again so soon. I didn't want Magnus to find out the real reason, that would be too embarrassing.

I passed a book store and something caught my attention. That was the book Luke had told me about, right? I shrugged and went inside. I had more than enough time anyway, and Magnus always tried to get me to buy something for myself, just because I wanted to and I could, now, that I was living with him.

A book wasn't something unusual, fancy or expensive, but I knew he would be happy about it and Luke had talked so exited about it. I smiled at the thought of talking with him about it. I didn't knew why, but I wanted him to like me. It was a bit like back then, before _it_ happened, but unlike my parents he never put pressure on me and I felt like I was actually enough and could make him proud.

I paid, left the shop and after a few minutes I spotted a sign that gave directions to the restrooms. I walked over to the men's restroom and was pretty glad to see it was empty when I opened the door. I really hated public toilets.

When I was washing my hands I heard the sound of a door opening behind me. I didn't really care about the mundane who probably just came in, so I didn't turn around. I wished I had.

“Alexander Lightwood, it is a pleasure to meet you in person. I already heard so much about you.”, said the man and when I finally turned around he'd already put a locking rune on the door. I was trapped.

“Who are you? Why did you lock the room?”, I asked confused and a bit scared.

Even though I didn't know him, I knew he was a shadowhunter. I could see the familiar runes all over his exposed and quite muscular arms. Before _it_ happened I wouldn't have been so afraid, he didn't have a circle rune after all, so he wouldn't hurt me, right? But after what had happened in the Silent City, I just wanted to run. My palms started to sweat and I couldn't think about anything else but the fact, that I was alone, had no weapons with me and could do nothing at all to defend myself. It was like back then all over again.

“Oh, Alexander”, he purred. The way he said my name made me shudder, but not in the way I reacted when Magnus used it. This was pure fear.

“You don't need to know my name, you won't live for much longer anyway.”, the man told me in a sweet and evil voice and came a bit closer. His dark brown hair in combination with shallow, cold brown eyes let him appear even more dangerous.

Within the blink of an eye he was right in front of me, his fist swinging in the direction of my nose. He probably used a speed rune.

I jumped back, but I couldn't move very far, because my back hit the wall. The coldness remembered me of the cell in the Silent City and panic filled my chest.

Before my brain could catch up with his fast movements his fingers wrapped around my throat and he pressed me to the wall.

“They should have killed you, you know?”, he told me and tightened his grip. I wanted to cry out in pain, but I couldn't get the sound out.

“Your so gross and pathetic.”, he said and his other hand collided with my cheek. My vision became a bit blurry, though I wasn't sure if it was because of the forceful slap or the lack of oxygen.

“You can't even fight back! Or do you don't even want to? Do you like this? Being touched by another man?”, the guy asked and his hard fist pressed the last bit of air out of me when he punched me in the stomach.

“Answer!”, he yelled.

“I-It would be a bit easier if I... c-could breath, sir. D-Do-Don't you think s-s-so?”, pressed out.

The next second I was laying on the cold restroom floor, coughing and trying to get some air back into my lungs. I tried to get up, but he kicked against my leg and I fell back down, wincing in pain.

“It disgusts me to even look at you. I probably should wash my hands later, I'm sure that _warlock_ touched you. Aren't you ashamed of yourself?”

Was I ashamed of myself? No. Not for this, not for Magnus. Not for our relationship. How could something so beautiful and amazing ever be wrong?

“You s-should be ashamed.”, I pressed out through gritted teeth. I could barley stand the pain without screaming, but I wouldn't give this asshole that satisfaction.

“What did you just say?”, he yelled and kicked me in the stomach. I wanted to yell back at him, gain at least a bit control back, but I knew if opened my mouth nothing but screams and coughs would come out. And probably blood.

“You've never been a real shadowhunter, but now you are nothing more than a mundane. So weak.”

Weak, useless, worthless, not good enough... The words I thought so often about started dancing around my mind. Every time I heard one of them inside of my head it was like another knife, braking through my skin, aiming for the little peace, the little happiness I found in the last two months, for whatever good was left inside of me.

“You're not even a mundane. You still wear the marks of your old life, the one you didn't deserve. They show the way you dishonored yourself and your family. What kind of feeling is it to look in the mirror every day and see those scars? See what you once have been? What you lost?”, he spoke and smirked down at me, placing a foot on my already bruised chest.

He kicked me a few more times and every kick made me cry out in pain, but that wasn't the reason for my eyes to water and my vision to become blurry with tears. It were his words. I knew he was just some racist, homophobic asshole and I shouldn't listen to him, but that didn't change the fact that he spoke the truth.

Magnus, Luke, Izzy, Jace and even the vampire and the redhead helped me to realize that _it_ hadn't been my fault, but I'd deserved it nevertheless. I had been to weak. Before everything else happened I already hadn't been enough. He was right, I was disgusting. That was what I felt every day when I had to face my own reflection. Hate and disgust.

Suddenly the shadowhunter stopped kicking me, grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled me up, until his eyes, burning with a cold fire of hate were right in front of me.

“Don't worry, I'll take care of it. I told you, you won't be alive for much longer.”, he said, pulled a knife out and pressed it against my throat.

 

**Summary:** Alec goes to a bookstore and buys the book his new Papa Luke wants him to read. After that he goes to the restroom. There he is attacked by some racist, homophobic shadowhunter asshole. Will he survive this? Or will he die, after everything he's been through?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thanks for reading! Please tell me your opinion! I need to know! *puppy eyes*  
> Do you think flipping a coin is a good way to decide if a character has to die or not?


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus wants his Alexander back.

**Magnus**

“Did you find him?”, I asked running towards Jace and Isabelle.

“Obviously not warlock, or can you see him with us?”

“Jace, be nice!”, Izzy scolded him.

“What? I could be right, I believe he is crazy after all.”, the blond said and gave me a mean grin.

“Is this a joke to you, shadowhunter?”, I asked angrily, “Alec could be hurt or kidnapped or...”

“Magnus, calm down. We only searched for five minutes or so, he is probably in one of the stores, or...”, Izzy tried to soothe me, but I interrupted her. “In a store? Alec? Going shopping? Willingly?”

“Well... Maybe...”, Jace started but his voice trailed of.

“That's it! I'll track him.”, I exclaimed and closed my eyes to perform the spell, but Jace wouldn't let me work in peace.

“How do you want to do that? What are you going to use?”

“Standing right in front of you. Warlock tracking is the strongest anyway and...”

“Yeah”, interrupted me that annoying blonde again, “but don't you need something that belongs to Alec?”

“I have something with me.”, I assured him.

“Really? What is it?”, Izzy asked curiously.

“Myself. What else?”, I replied and smirked at her surprised expression.

I closed my eyes and let the magic travel through my body, trying to find the connection between myself and Alexander.

Ah, there he was. I immediately relaxed. Maybe I had really overreacted.

“He's in the men's restroom. My apologies, I guess you were right. Maybe we should just wait h...”, my voice trailed of and I concentrated on Alec again. There was something else. It shouldn't be possible, but yet...

“Magnus? What's wrong?”, asked Izzy frowning.

“There is magic, rune magic. There... There has to be a shadowhunter.”

For a few moments we just starred at each other, but then we all turned around at once and started running. Izzy and Jace were quite a bit faster than me, but we all were slowed down by the confused looking mundanes.

I didn't really noticed anyone of them, I couldn't think about anything but what might be happening to Alec right in that moment. Who was this shadowhunter? Why was he in a bathroom with Alexander? Was he hurting him?

When I arrived Jace just had finished putting an unlocking rune on the door, I burst through it in the room and my eyes winded when I spotted them. A man, muscular, in a black tank top and black pants with dark hair and covered in runes was holding the pale body of my Alexander in his strong grip. He was holding a knife. And Alec wasn't moving.

“Alec!”, screamed Isabelle behind me and the boy turned his head to look in the direction of her voice. I never felt so relieved than right in that moment, seeing that he was alive. His eyes were widened in fear and a bruise was forming on his cheek.

I felt my whole body shake with rage. How dare this piece of shit to touch my Alexander! The man looked at us as well. Obviously he was quite surprised to be interrupted. I used his confusion to shoot a small amount of magic at him to make him drop the knife he was pressing to Alec's throat. A small trickle of blood was already running down his throat. Horrible obvious against his pale skin. I couldn't believe that this man really had been planning to do what I thought he'd wanted to do to my poor, innocent angel.

As soon as the knife hit the floor, I raised a hand to lift him up in the air and throw him into the wall, far, far away from my Alexander. I fell down to my knees and pulled his shaking body into a tight embrace. When I moved him he winced in pain and curled to a ball on that cold bathroom floor.

I pushed some healing magic into his body to sooth the pain, but I knew I couldn't risk to use to much, his body had broken down because of to much magic just a couple of days ago after all.

I heard the noises of a fight behind me and could see Jace and Izzy holding the other shadowhunter down from the corner of my eyes, but I didn't care about that. Nothing really mattered right now. Nothing but Alexander.

“You know I am right, Lightwood! I've seen it in your eyes!”, yelled the guy, making Alec flinch and hide his face in my shoulder.

After that I heard a little scream of pain and when I finally teared my eyes away from Alexander the shadowhunter had gone numb in Jace and Izzy's grip.

Izzy let go of the guy and knelt down next to her brother. She gently touched his shoulder, but he flinched away from her and his grip at my shirt tightened.

“Darling, it's okay. It's just Izzy. Everything is okay now.”, I whispered into his ear.

He relaxed a bit and looked up at me, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears. “Magnus.”, he breathed out.

“Yes Alexander. I'm here. It's over now. You're going to be okay.”, I told him, my voice slightly shaking.

“Mags... I want to go home. Please just get me out of here.”, Alec sobbed.

I looked up at Isabelle. “Do you think you can handle this alone?”

“Yes. We will take care of that asshole. You should take care of Alec now. I'll call you later before we visit.”, she whispered and looked a last time at her brother before I pulled him through a portal into our apartment. I would make sure he was okay. I would take care of my angel.

 

 **Summary:** Magnus, Jace and Izzy still can't find Alec. Magnus uses a tracking spell to locate Alec and notices that something is wrong. They go to the restroom and save Alec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES! ALEC IS NOT DEAD! AGAIN!!!! AND MAGNUS IS HIS KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR!!!!!  
> So... I hope you are happy with this chapter. Maybe you expected Magnus to hurt that shadowhunter, but I think Alec should be his priority in that moment. He really needs Magnus and Jace and Izzy can beat up the bad guys for him.  
> What do you think? Please tell!!!!!!!!!!!  
> Thanks for reading, you are amazing <3


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec thinks he has to die, but then...

**Alec**

I could feel the knife being pressed against my throat. The sharp blade buried itself into my skin and the actually pretty small amount of pain, caused by the thin and rather shallow cut appeared to be the agonizing pain from a deep, gaping wound.

So, now it was over, I was going to die. I was seventeen years old and I was going to die. It was so unfair! Why now? Finally I had some hope I could be happy one day, but as soon as I allowed myself to dream that dream I died?

Growing up there had been a time I was truly happy, but I could barley remember it. Of course I'd loved spending time with my siblings and had enjoyed going on hunts. My life hadn't been completely miserable, but I'd never been able to be my true self.

Izzy and Jace always had talked about their plans for the future, about their dreams and hopes, but I never allowed myself to have any. Only after I'd met Magnus I'd started thinking about my own wishes and expectations like a normal teenager. I hadn't been stupid or naive, but I had started hoping. Had learned how to smile just because. Now I finally understood what it meant to feel good. To feel worthy. To feel like I was enough.

Of course my dreams had been destroyed when _it_ happened, but Magnus had shown me a new way of life. He had taught me what it meant to be free. He, Izzy, Jace and Luke had helped me to realize that there was something worth fighting for. I slowly started to think that there was a piece of this world that was meant to be mine and that I had the right to be happy, to have something good as well.

It was still not easy for me to believe that I deserved any of that. That I was allowed to call the beautiful, kind, amazing High Warlock of Brooklyn my own. That I could give myself to the very same, gorgeous man, slowly, piece by piece, without feeling shame and guilt. That I had a whole life ahead of me which was only mine. A future I could form, make my own and work for.

It still wasn't easy to believe in myself, but something had awoken inside of me. A spark of hope, ready to grow to a bright, hot flame. A fire nobody could ever put out.

But now I was slammed down onto the bathroom floor, a knife pressed to my throat, ready to let my warm blood stream out of my body until everything I once had been was gone. The coldness of the floor crept into my body, searching for my little spark of hope to erase it entirely.

I pressed my eyes shut, trying to hold onto the last bit of warmth inside of me, before the hot slickness of my own blood would be covering my skin.

I saw the faces of the people I loved and cared about on the inside of my eyelids. Jace, Izzy, Max, Luke, for a brief second even the vampire and the redhead and then... Magnus. He was standing in his... in _our_ kitchen, the warm morning sun was letting his golden skin glow and his silky black hair shine with little spots of light, making him look like the angel he was.

“Alexander, it's okay. I'm here darling.”

His words chased away the cold that made my whole body hurt and crushed me under a heavy, invisible weight. The look in his eyes replaced it with the intensive feeling of love and being loved. He opened his mouth to say more, but the voice that escaped his perfect, pink lips wasn't calm and smoothing, it was high pitched and rang painful in my ears.

“Alec!”

Abruptly I turned my head and stared at my sister. The door my attacker had locked earlier was wide open and Izzy, Jace and Magnus were standing just a few meters away from me.

Suddenly I was once again highly aware of the blade that was currently pressed to my throat and panic raised inside my chest. I watched Magnus raise a hand, a flash of blue magic blinded me for a moment and then the knife was gone, along with the strong grip of the unkindly hands which had been holding me in place.

Magnus moved forward and familiar, warm arms pulled me into a tight, calming embrace. When my body was moved and my brain was pulled out of it's shock stage an intensive, pulsating pain awoke in my leg, my stomach, my chest, my head, my throat, almost in my whole body.

I was barley able to notice the tickling sensation of Magnus magic before the pain ebbed away.

“You know I am right, Lightwood! I've seen it in your eyes!”

The moment I heard that icy, cruel voice burning with rage I yearned for the less terrifying, physical pain that had just been taken away from me and that I'd prayed for to go away just seconds ago. I hid my face in Magnus shoulder, trying to block out his words, trying to block out the truth.

No matter how hard I worked, no matter how bright the flame inside me burned, there would always be something missing. Maybe it was being a shadowhunter, maybe it was belonging somewhere in general, and maybe it was something much more complex, something inside of me, something I never had had. Maybe that was the reason I could never be good enough, could never have some happiness.

The only thing that saved me from my own dark thoughts and the cruelness of the world around me were Magnus strong, warm arms around me, his fast but steady heartbeat and the sweat nothings he was whispering into my ear I couldn't even understand.

All of a sudden a hand that most certainly didn't belong to Magnus touched my shoulder. I flinched away and pressed myself closer to Magnus, my hand tightly gripping his shirt. I had been hurt a lot of times, I didn't like physical pain, but I could handle it. But the thought of that man touching me again, hearing him say the things I already knew but tried to forget all over again, made me want to throw up. I couldn't speak, but I silently pleaded Magnus to make it stop, to save me from this nightmare.

“Darling, it's okay. It's just Izzy. Everything is okay now.”

I relaxed a bit against him. Magnus was here now, it was okay. Magnus would protect me and take away the pain, even the one inside my heart he couldn't know about and no magic could heal. He would make it better, put together the pieces of me that were left and make me work, even though a lot of them were missing or to broken to be repaired.

“Yes Alexander. I'm here. It's over now. You're going to be okay.”, he told me again, this time his voice a bit unsteady.

“Mags... I want to go home. Please just get me out of here.”, I finally managed to sob.

He quickly talked to Izzy, but I didn't care about what they were saying. I just wanted to get away from that restroom and never let Magnus go again.

I felt his firm grip around me being changed a bit and then I was pulled through a portal.

I smiled when I recognized the brown couch in front of me. Our living room. I was home. That was the last thing I could think before I finally allowed myself to pass out and the world around me turned black. _Home._

 

 **Summary:** Alec believes he has to die. He thinks about his life and his feelings. Magnus saves him. Alec is still badly hurt, but Magnus will make it all better. Just chapter 21 from Alec's pov.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo...  
> I know in this chapter nothing really happened you didn't already knew about and it was very Alec-centric, but I just felt like writing something like this today. I hope you enjoyed it. :)  
> What do you think? Pleas tell me!!!!  
> Thanks for reading, I love you all!!!! You are amazing, thanks for the support❤ ❤ ❤


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus takes care of Alec and asks a friend for help...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating yesterday, but this chapter is twice as long as the others, so I hope you'll forgive me ;)  
> Sorry if there are a lot of mistakes, it's 2:30 am right now

**Magnus**

As soon as I closed the portal Alec's already unmoving body went completely numb in my arms. I tried to shake him awake and called his name a few times, but nothing changed. Fear rose in my chest, but before I could start to really panic I examined him with just a little bit magic to make sure he was okay. I let a breath out I didn't know I was holding when I realized that my blue-eyed beauty was just asleep. It made sense, he was probably pretty exhausted, but Alexander just had woken up from a coma for heavens sake! I couldn't loose him, not now, not like this!

I flinched a little when my magic sensed all his injuries. A bruised cheek, two broken rips, several bruises all over his body, a broken leg, a concussion, either from being hit in the face or being slammed into a wall or the floor, and, well, I didn't really need my magic to see the bruises from being strangulated and the little cut at his throat.

I knew I couldn't just heal him with my magic, that could cause more damage than it helped, but I had to do something. When Alexander would wake up, he would be in immense pain and I couldn't even be sure if he would heal properly, I wasn't a healer after all. Bringing him to a mundane hospital wasn't a risk I was willing to take. Even if they didn't do blood tests and figure out that he didn't just looked like an angel but had actual angel blood running through his veins, they would ask questions and maybe even call the cops. He was underage, covered in scares and badly beaten up after all.

I needed help. Right now. Maybe... I quickly sent a fire message before I looked back down at the sleeping boy in my arms. He looked so young like this. How could anyone even think about hurting this innocent, kind, selfless, beautiful, amazing person.

Carefully I picked my boyfriend up and carried him to our bedroom. I could picture the cute blush on his cheeks and the way he would look down, avoiding my gaze if he was awake. Alexander's shyness was one of the million little thinks that made me fall for him all over again every day.

Unlike other shadowhunters he wasn't arrogant or convinced this world was only his. He wasn't brutal or careless. Alec was a protector, he always took care of other people, especially the one he loved. I still couldn't believe I'd managed to become one of them.

I just wished he would care as much about himself. Could see himself the way I saw him. A raw, beautiful flower that was fading away because of the cruelness of the world, but somehow he'd managed to not loose his beauty and become a part of what destroyed him like so many others would do. He had the weight of the world upon his shoulders, but even though it was crushing him he endured it, so others didn't need to worry about it.

I knew he was broken, in some kind of way it all had shattered him, but he was still the most undamaged, perfect person I'd ever met. Some parts of him might have been teared to shreds by unkind hands of unworthy people, but something deep inside of him, hidden behind grumpiness and a closed of expression had stayed untouched.There was honesty, gentleness and love. A love he was willing to share with me. I would make sure to be worthy of it, of every single part of him he could to offer me, no matter how broken they were.

He hadn't broken like glass, sharp pieces, threatening to cut and hurt everyone who tried to come close, impossible to ever glue together again without them falling apart again or being cracked. Alexander might be broken, but every piece of him was still more beautiful than anything else in this world and without a doubt in the world after this as well. They still belonged together, but the didn't need to be put together again, Alec didn't need to be fixed. There was nothing wrong with him, he just needed to realize that and I would do everything I could do to help him with that. I would give him all the love I had to offer until he truly accepted it.

I placed Alexander as careful as possible on the bed before I sat down next to him, my legs stretched out on the bed and my back leaning against the headboard. I gently ran a had through his sweaty hair and he let out a soft sight and leaned into the touch. I chuckled and shifted my hip a bit so I could trail his pale arm up and down with my fingers. I smiled when I saw the goosebumps erupting on his skin and his cheeks flushing. Even asleep he was still a cute, blushing boy.

When I'd told Ragnor and Raphael about him, they'd rolled their eyes at me and told me Alec was behaving like every other virgin and I had to be careful to not scare him away.

I thought they were wrong. There was something special about him, about _us._ And of course I wouldn't do anything to scare Alec away! I knew a lot o people thought otherwise, but I didn't want sex from the younger man. Obviously I wouldn't be against it, Alexander was pure sin after all and sometimes it was pretty difficult to control myself, but I didn't need sex to survive, I needed Alec. I needed to hold him close every night, to wake up to his angelic face every morning. I needed him to stand in my kitchen in his old sweatpants and one of his faded black sweaters, cooking breakfast. I needed to love and _be loved._

Suddenly Alec started tossing and turning in his sleep, letting out pained whimpers and little cries. I bend down so I could understand what he was saying.

“NO! Please stop! Help! M...Magnus... help... please... I don't want this anymore... it hurts... MAGNUS! Help me!”

My heart broke into million pieces hearing him call out for me and not being able to change what happened to him. I didn't know why, but somehow I knew he was talking about much more than what happened today, and maybe even about more than physical pain.

I wrapped my arms around him, whispering sweet nothings in his ear until he went numb in my arms and stopped sobbing. I looked down at his face and could see dried tears on his cheeks as well as new ones. I felt so useless. My boyfriend was hurting and I couldn't do anything to make it better. I decided to just lay down next to him, hiding my own, tear-covered face in his hair and breathing in his scent.

We lay there for several minutes, nothing but the sound of our breaths interrupting the silence, until a portal opened next to me.

“Magnus! How bad is it? I came over as soon as I got your massage.”, Catarina said looking down at me.

“Cat! It's good to see you again, it's been a while.”, I greeted her.

“Yeah... you're right. I just wish we had met again for a happier reason and I could have met your little shadowhunter in an other way. Please tell me exactly what happened.”, she said frowning.

I told her the whole story, beginning with the two of us going to school and the spell that had gone wrong until what had happened today.

“I think it's not too bad, but I can't be sure and healing him with magic might kill him.”, I finished, my eyes tearing up again.

“Shhh... it'll be okay Magnus.”, she told me and grabbed my hand in a smoothing gesture. “You did the right thing by calling me, I'll take care of him.”

After that she told me to leave the room so she could work. I didn't want to leave, but I knew it was the best for Alexander. What if he had a nightmare again? Catarina would call for me if that happened, right?

A high pitched scream stopped my train of thoughts. I knew that sound, I had heard it way to often for my liking, especially after _it_ happened. Alexander.

“Alec!”, I called out and ran back to our bedroom. “What the hell happened?”, I yelled at Catarina when I saw her standing next to my panicked boyfriend who desperately tried to get away from her.

“I had to take care of his fracture the mundane way. He woke up because of the pain and started screaming. He has to stop moving, or it will get even worse.”, she shouted back.

I sank down next to Alec and pressed his shoulders down.

“NO! PLEASE! MAGNUS!” His blue eyes were looking right through me, lost in some horrible nightmare he couldn't wake up from.

“Alec! Alexander, it's me! I'm here, you are safe now!”. I told him and he started to relax a bit. He still looked very scared, but at least he seemed to recognize me now.

“Magnus?”, he sobbed tears streaming down his face. “I...”, suddenly he tensed in my arms and his gaze was fixed on a point behind my shoulder. “No... not again... please Magnus... you are here now... please make him stop... I'm sorry, I should have went to Jace and Izzy like you told me. I'm sorry I made your life so much more complicated, but please don't leave me now... Please help me, just one last time...”, he begged me, looking up at me with big blue eyes filled with unshed tears. He was whispering as quite as he could, voice still hoarse from being struggled earlier. He acted as if something bad would happen if he talked to loud.

My face twisted into a horrified expression when I processed the meaning of his words. “By the Angel, Alexander I'm not leaving you, I didn't lie, you are safe now. I would never let someone hurt you. I love you Alec, I could never leave you.”, I told him and took his face into my hand, whipping away the fresh tears.

“B-but... he... he hurt my leg again... and... you... you didn't make it stop... I'm sorry... I know I don't deserve you, but please make it stop.”, he sobbed and hold onto me like his life depends on it.

“Oh Alexander... My sweet angel... Darling, you deserve the world, or at least as much of it as I can give you. I'm so, so sorry I can't take the pain away, but let me assure you that that horrible man who hurt you is far, far away. He won't lay a finger on you ever again.”

“But... someone grabbed my leg and it hurt so much...”, he said confused and bit his lip.

“That was my friend Catarina. I told you about her before. I can't heal you with my magic, you already had too much of it, and she works at a hospital. I'm so sorry she had to hurt you. So, so sorry”, I explained and kissed his cheek carefully to not put any pressure on his bruise.

“Oh... okay. I guess that's okay.”, and then after a short break, “C-can you stay?” His voice sounded so broken. I had seen him like this before, the first two weeks after _it_ had happened. Alexander had got so much better the last month and now we were at this point again. I wanted to kill the people who did this to him, wanted to hurt them and then take their life for taking a part of Alec's.

“Of course darling, I'll never leave you.”; I told him and held him a bit tighter.

Alec didn't scream anymore, but it was obvious he was in pain. As soon as Catarina was done he passed out again, escaping the pain his body felt right now, but lost in the pain his mind caused him. I looked down at his sleeping face and the breath hitched in my throat.

“Catarina... I know you can't heal him... I know you can't even take away his pain, but... Can you heal this?”, I asked and pointed at the bruises and the little cut on his throat. I had been so close to loosing him... I couldn't stand the sight, I wasn't that strong after all.

“It's not that complicated, I think it will be okay.”, she send and a few sparks of her magic sank into Alexander's skin, erasing the injuries.

“Magnus... I know you care a lot about this boy, but are you okay?”

Instead of answering hers I asked her another question. “Do you remember that young warlock we met about two decades ago?”

She nodded. “Yeah, I remember her. What do you want to tell me?”

“Do you remember what she asked us?”, I asked Catarina, but I answered the question myself before she was able to respond. “She asked us why we are immortal. We aren't like the vampires who have to die first, who were born mundane and then were turned. We aren't like the seelies who were born in an immortal family. We were born like this, but we still have to see our families die, so why are we immortal? Back then I hadn't been able to answer her question, but know...” I brushed the hair away from Alexanders forehead affectionately.

“Catarina... I was born eight hundred years ago... If I had died when I was supposed to do, I'd never have met Alexander... Maybe it was my destiny to be here, to stay alive so I could meet him.”

I looked up at her shocked expression and winded eyes with a small smile on my lips. “I'm not saying I'm only alive for one person, because I don't want to think like that about myself, and I'm not saying that everything before I met Alexander didn't matter, that all the people I had known weren't important. I'm not saying all the pain I still feel because of my past is gone now, because that would be a lie. I'm just saying that maybe we are meant to be. That maybe I'll be happy now. I think that's my answer.”

 

 **Summary:** Magnus thinks a lot about Alec. He messages Catarina, because he needs help taking care of his angel. Alec wakes up and is really scared and in pain, but Magnus helps him through it. Magnus and Catarina talk a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MY POOR BABY :( Magnus will help you Alec!!!!  
> Thanks for reading, I love you all❤ ❤ ❤


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec wakes up. (I think I used that summary before :) )

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why am I so uninspired the whole day, but can't stop writing as soon as I am tired and just want to go to bed??? What is wrong with me??? This story will destroy me...

**Alec**

No! I just wanted it to stop. There were hand around my throat. Fists punching my defenseless body. Cold creeping under my skin, settling in my bones. Helplessness and Loneliness were consuming my mind, but I could stand this. I had felt physical pain before, my body would heal. The cold and the loneliness had been there my whole life. I hated them and wasn't sure anymore if I could survive them any longer or if they would finally push my over the edge, drag me down into oblivion, but I was used to them.

Then there were words. Words like knives, cutting deep and leaving wounds that wouldn't heal easily. They would leave scars, ugly and big, more proves of how broken I was.

Why was it happening again? Was it just the strange shadowhunter from the mall? Were the ones who came to me in the Silent City back? Had it ever really stopped? Had everything what had happened in the last two months just been an illusion?

I could remember Magnus taking care of me, Jace and Izzy not leaving me like I feared they would want to and they told me my siblings would. I could remember talking to Luke and starting to hope for a new future. I remembered going to school, finding my first normal teenager friends, who weren't my siblings. I had found a place in this world, somewhere I fit in. That couldn't have been just a dream, right?

I also remembered pain, fear, sadness, insecurities. I hadn't been fine, far from it, but I had been getting better. I had made progress. Magnus and I hadn't been a perfect couple, I was to broken for him after all, but I had been happy in some way. All the bad things made it just even more real, but if it hadn't been just fantasy, why was it over now? Why was I hurting again? Was I just not supposed to be happy?

My throat didn't hurt anymore, but I could still feel the strong grip of unwelcome hands around it. An image formed in front of my closed eyes. Magnus... Magnus had been there. He could help me, he would make it stop. I called out for him and suddenly everything changed.

The sharp voices and cruel words ebbed away and where replaced by my savior's loving voice, whispering sweet nothings into my ear. The hands on my body that caused me pain, but more importantly panic and helplessness, changed into warm arms wrapped around me, firm but gentle, holding me close and keeping me safe. They chased the coldness away and warmed me up not just my body, but also my soul.

The loving touch made it impossible for the loneliness to cloud my mind again. How could I be alone in this world if someone cared enough for me to hold me like this? The fear transformed into the feeling of home and calmness.

A familiar sent like sandalwood and burned sugar filled my nose, replacing the smell of dust and soap that I had smelled before.

An odd combination, but it wasn't as confusing as the flashes of the cold and way to intense light of the restroom and the also cold, but much different darkness of the Silent City. No matter how tight I pressed my eyelids shut, I couldn't stop the white light from from making me flinch back and giving me a migraine. Neither could I change the icy darkness that knocked the breath out of my lunges and pressed against me, slowly crushing me and not letting me go, into a softer one. I needed the kind of darkness that surrounded someone who was calmly sleeping without nightmares or just laying down to relax a bit, eyelashes softly brushing unbruised cheekbones.

Just moments before the darkness could suffocate me while the flashes of white light stabbed me like the knives I had felt slicing through my skin, in the light and in the darkness as well, a soft glow filled my mind and I could breath again.

I was standing in our kitchen, Magnus and mine. The morning sun filled the room with a beautiful, gentle light, but that wasn't what had chased away the memories. It was the caramel colored skin of the man standing in front of me, looking at me with those golden eyes, shaped like the ones of a cat, the green spots around the pupils reminding me of small waves traveling over a sea of grass, elastic stalks bowing in a warm summer breeze.

Those eyes were filled with so much love and understanding, I knew no matter how deep I'd fall, in how many pieces I' break, how lost I'd be, this eyes would always guide me back home.

 

The sight that greeted me when I opened my eyes made me smile. I was facing Magnus, his face was bare and his silky black hair was hanging in front of his closed eyes. I brushed it away and frowned. There were dark shadows under his eyes and I could see dried tears on his pale cheeks.

It hurt me to know that he was in pain because of me. If I had been stronger, if I had been able to defend myself like I was supposed to, he wouldn't look like this. I slowly drew patters on his exposed chest and sighed happily when he pulled me closer.

As soon as the sound escaped my lips he started to stir next to me. His eyes flew open, consuming me in their breath taking beauty. He yawned and smiled at me.

“Good morning pretty bo-”, suddenly his eyes widened and he stared at me in horror and his laid back smile turned into a worried frown. “Alexander, you are awake! Are you okay? Are you in pain?”

I chuckled at his panicked reaction and winced in pain. Looks like my rips were broken.

“Darling? Darling what's wrong? Please tell me how I can make it better.”, Magnus pleaded.

“It's okay Magnus, it's not too bad, but maybe I shouldn't move right now. Or laugh. I'd tell you to not be funny for a few days, but I know that isn't possible. Your stupid jokes are one of the many reasons I love you for after all, but you... uhm... you could...”, I said in a rush, trying not to blush.

“What do you need me to do angel? Whatever it is, I'll do it. I just want you to feel better.”

I blushed at the pet name and looked away. After a few seconds I connected my gaze with his again and whispered “Please kiss me.” reddening again.

“Oh Alexander, you only had to ask.”, Magnus purred and leaned in to capture my lips in a soft kiss. I tried to deepen it, but he pulled away.

“Is something wrong?”, I asked confused.

“Darling... Do you remember what happened when you woke up earlier? What you said to me?”, he said with a sad look.

“I... No, not really. Why? Did I do something wrong?”, I replied concerned, my brain desperately trying to find a way to chase away the clouds that were darkening the light that was shining in those beautiful eyes.

“No! No of course not! I just... you know that I love you, right?”

“Yes...?”, I responded slowly, not sure where this conversation was leading.

“Alexander, I will always love you. No matter what happens between us, I will always care for you and...”

“Magnus... Are you breaking up with me?”, I interrupted him horrified, tears burning in my eyes. This couldn't be happening, not now. I needed him to help me through this. I might have expected him to leave me one day, but not like this and it didn't make it any better.

“WHAT? NO! I could never... I love you Alec! I... I could never leave you”, Magnus said, almost yelling.

“Oh... okay.”, I said relieved.

“Alec... Alexander, I just want you to know that I love you, truly love you. You are my sun, my moon and my stars at once. I wish I could have stopped this man from hurting you like this, but I need you to know I'll always do everything I can do to keep you safe. No matter what happens to you, I'll be by your side to help you through it, okay? I love you so much pretty boy.”, Magnus told me, tears streaming down his face. I could see that he wanted to say more, but was holding himself back. He probably wanted to ask about what had happened, but didn't want to pressure me. I was grateful for it, I didn't want to talk about it right now and destroy our happy moment.

“I love you too. By the Angel Magnus, I love you so much.”, I told him and pressed myself closer to him.

We were quiet for a few minutes, until...

“Alec... I know you are probably exhausted right now, but I promised your family to tell them as soon as you woke up.”, he whispered and nuzzled my hair.

“Okay... just a few more minutes. I need to be close to you right now.”, I told him and let myself relax in his warm embrace.

 

 **Summary:** Alec has a lot of bad feelings because of the attack. Magnus safes him, though he doesn't know it. Alec wakes up and is in a quite good mood. Magnus is pretty emotional and worried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, you are amazing❤ ❤ ❤ BTW, I'd love to know your opinion!!!


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec dies.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> … just kidding!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... this is pretty short. I actually wanted this chapter to include a bit more, but I have a lazy day and wanted to upload at least something short. I'll write the other things I had planned just in the next chapter. Sorry.

**Alec**

The door slowly opened and Jace came in, awkwardly looking to the side.

“Hey Alec, how are you?”

“I'm fine. It hurts a bit, but I'll survive.” For some reason Jace flinched at my words. “Jace?”

“You almost died...”, he whispered and looked at me with bloodshot eyes.

“I think I should leave you two alone. Darling, is that okay or do you need me to stay?”, Magnus said and kissed my forehead.

The thought of Magnus leaving me alone wasn't too great, he was my knight in shining amour after all and I didn't want him to go, but I would be okay. Jace really looked like he needed some time to talk.

“Yes.” I told him and then whispered “But please don't go to far”.

“I won't, I promise. I love you.”, he whispered back, kissed me one last time and left the room.

As soon as the door closed Jace sank down on the floor next to me and grabbed my hand tightly. I leaned over to pull him in a one armed hug, trying to ignore the pain my leg and my ribs caused me when I moved. We just stayed like that for a long time until Jace pulled away.

“Two times. We... I just got you back and then...”, he said and stared down at me, shaking his head.

“I know Jace. It'll get better. I know it had been quite the shock, but I'm fine now.”, I assured him.

“No, your not. You can barley move without being in pain and...”, his face formed into a pained expression and he shook his head again. “You're not okay, but you'll be. You'll be okay” and after a few moments “I heard the screams.”

First I was just confused, but then I realized what he was talking about.

“You... oh god, who else?”, I asked him horrified.

“I think I was the only one. Except from Magnus of course. He only left your side to go to the bathroom. He didn't even ate, showered or brushed his teeth. Magical cleaning is really a bless. He changed your sheets like that too. I guess that skill is pretty useful in other situations as well, isn't it?”, he asked and smirked at me.

Good, Jace was back and... Wait, WHAT?

“I-I... Why would you say something like that? I... It's not like I would know anyway.”, I stammered blushing.

“Well... Wait... What do you mean you wouldn't know? You two even live together. I'm sure you guys... oh.”, he interrupted himself when he noticed me looking away ashamed.

“Alec, I'm sorry that I just assumed... I... There is nothing wrong with that, you know? But can I ask you something?”

I just shrugged. “Sure why not.”

“Why? I mean, if you're just not ready that's alright, but I have the feeling there is more to it.”, he asked and looked at me like he wanted to look right through me and figure out all my secrets. I considered for a second to tell him the truth, but he would just lie to me. He would tell me Magnus would want me, no matter what I looked like, but I didn't want to hear it. What if I accidentally started believing it?

It was even worse now that I was covered in bruises. I knew Magnus couldn't heal my body with his magic, but he had healed the injuries around my throat. Not just the bruises, but also the small cut from the man's knife. It hadn't been necessary, but Magnus loved my neck, he didn't want me to look like I did right now.

“No, no. It's just... well... he's my first boyfriend and all, so...”

“It's okay Alec, you don't have to explain. I'm just glad you are with the glitter bomb and not someone who would pressure you into something you don't want. He seems to truly love you.”, Jace said with an unusual soft smile.

“Yes... I guess he does.” I said smiling back at him. Maybe I could just enjoy being with the once I loved and worry about this problem later.

 

 **Summary:** Jace visits Alec. They talk a bit. Jace asks Alec about his sex life. Alec still worries Magnus might not want him, but he won't tell Jace. Just to make it clear: Alec is beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, you are amazing❤ ❤ ❤ please tell me what you think about this!!!


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke loves and cares for his “son” Alec Lightwood :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter is complete now!  
> I have a little problem with my computer, so I wasn't able to upload yesterday: :( Tomorrow and maybe the day after I won't update either, because there will be a party at my place and after that I have to clean up and deal with the hangover XD Sorry, I'm trying to fix my laptop. Hopefully it will be okay soon:) Right now I'm just glad I'm able to post this.

**Luke**

It had been really good to see Alec awake and okay again. Seeing him laying in that bed, not moving at all and really pale had been terrifying. Since Magnus asked me to talk to the boy for the first time I had grown to really like him. The Lightwood was smart, polite, responsible, shy but really funny and just not like his parents. Actually he wasn't like a shadowhunter at all, but he wasn't like a mundane teenager either. He had suffered so much, but he was still this gentile and caring person. After we met more and more and he even started to call me to ask me for advice, I couldn't help but starting to think of him as a son. Of course it wasn't exactly the same, but I liked that feeling. I already took care of Clary and Simon and I thought maybe spending time with someone like Alec Lightwood could be good for them and their positive attitude could be good for him as well.

The ring tone of my cellphone made me flinch and I quickly pulled it out. I frowned when I noticed that it was Jace who was calling me. Maybe some shadowhunter business?

“Garroway.”, I said when I picked up.

“Luke, it's Alec. He is hurt.”, Jace said without wasting any time with greetings.

“What? What happened? Was it the magic again? Will he be okay?”, I asked slightly panicking, but trying to sound calm. I was talking to a scared teenager who's brother was in danger after all.

“No nothing like that. Someone attacked him. He... he almost died Luke! We stopped that asshole from killing Alec and arrested him. Alec is with Magnus now. Izzy and I are on our way to their place.”, Jace said almost sobbing.

“Arrested? A downworlder did this?”, I asked shocked.

“No.”, Jace said sounding really pissed. “Shadowhunter. Not even a circle member!”

“What but why...?”

“I'll explain it later. Just come over, okay? Alec might need you. I... I don't know anymore what exactly he needs, but still...”, Jace interrupted me, sounding determining and unsure at the same time.

“It's okay Jace, of course I'll be there.”

I hadn't known Alec for more than three months, but I couldn't stand the thought of the young man being hurt. I would do everything I could to help my boy go through this.

 

I was laying on the floor of the apartment of the High Warlock of Brooklyn, wrapped up in a warm blanket. I had told my pack to call me if something happened, so I didn't have to leave. I had been allowed to visit Alec ones, but apart from that I hadn't been allowed to enter the room he was sleeping in.

Catarina had explained to me that this was different from the coma Alec had woken up from just a day ago. To many people and loud noises could disturb his sleep and upset him. I still couldn't believe how much happened to the poor boy the last week.

When I visited Alec after he had suffered from the spell which had went wrong, Magnus had explained me what happened. As far as I understood what he told me, and that wasn't too easy, he was sobbing the whole time, It wasn't just Alec's body that had gotten hurt. I didn't really want to think about how afraid the boy must had been.

The last two months I'd seen how the young man slowly started to heal. I clearly remembered how happy I had been when he told me about a special date with Magnus, blushing and looking down the whole time.

Before that day, when I'd met him for the first time I hadn't been so sure what to think of his relationship with the High Warlock. Of course I'd known Magnus would never hurt someone on purpose, he just wasn't that kind of person, but I still had been worried he might break Alec's heart and that wasn't even the worst outcome I could imagine. I knew Alec could be a strong leader, but personal relationships?

I'd noticed the way he always apologized even if he did nothing wrong and how he always tried to be perfect. I guessed he feared me getting angry at him and so he felt the need to apologize, but I'd figured out that there was something he was really terrified of: disappointing someone.

I didn't even want to think about the way Robert and Maryse probably raised the young shadowhunter. As soon as I figured out what was going on I made sure to always tell him I was proud of him, the way he deal with not being a real shadowhunter anymore and that what he was doing was enough. That _he_ was enough. Maybe I couldn't take the pain of years of not getting the love he deserved away from him, but I could show him what it meant to have people who really care about you and not worry all the time about doing something wrong. Every person made mistakes, that was just human, but Alec obviously didn't think so.

His want to please everyone without thinking about his own wishes could have been really dangerous in a relationship. I'd never thought Magnus would force the other man into something he wasn't ready for, but what if the warlock hadn't known? I wasn't so sure if Alec would voice his worries. He'd might just keep his true feelings to himself, desperate to feel loved and accepted.

The boy was so inexperienced, Magnus was Alec's first relationship after all. I was sure Magnus knew that so I trusted him to be careful doing... things.... with the younger man, but it wasn't just that what I'd been worried about. There was much more to a relationship what could have been too much for Alec. Opening up to another person after years of hiding his true feelings and especially after what happened to him... I hadn't been sure if Magnus would treat the boy right. Not out of cruelness, but maybe because he didn't knew better and love blinded him.

That all had changed after I'd asked Alec about his three months anniversary with his boyfriend. To my surprise Alec's eyes had had filled with tears, even though he'd still been smiling. In a quite voice he'd told me about that certain day.

He'd had a nightmare that morning, a terrible one. He'd told me that Magnus had had a really great plan for their special day. Just as I'd expected him to the warlock had made reservations in several romantic and quite expensive restaurants. Alec had described to me how Magnus hadn't had shut up about the date he had planned the whole week. The young man had shyly ducked his head when he'd told me that it hadn't took the older man more than one look at him to cancel everything and suggest to just cuddle in bed all day. At that point he was already ruby red, but when he confessed to me that that's been the day he asked Magnus to share a bed with him, he'd reddened even more.

When he'd noticed my confused expression and asked me about it I told him that I had been assuming that they had been doing that since he moved in. That had made him blush again. Really adorable.

In a quite voice, barley more than a whisper, he'd told me how he hadn't felt comfortable with that, but that Magnus came to his room to hold him every time he'd had a nightmare anyway.

We'd talked a bit more about his relationship and he'd told me how his boyfriend treated him with an immense amount of patience and never tried new things without discussing it with Alec first. I was glad to hear that, but it was obvious that they still had some problems. Almost after every discription of a nice thing the other did for him followed a confession of guilt for making it necessary for someone to take care of him. I always tried to get him to talk to me about it, but if I tried to ask him about certain topics he closed up completely. For example when I tried to start a conversation about what exactly happened in the Silent City.

When I'd first heard that the boy was already living with the warlock, I'd been really worried. If I had got to know Alec a bit sooner, I'd have offered him to stay at my place. I'd been afraid living with the other man might be too much for him in his situation and he wouldn't be able to get some space if he needed it.

Whenever we talked about Magnus and our conversation got a bit more serious, I was always very carefully with my words. I didn't want Alec to have the impression I was judging him or Magnus. In the past people had hurt him for being with the one he loved and I didn't want to take his happiness away. He needed people he could trust and Alec Lightwood didn't trust easily. Moreover I thought the other man was really good for him, I just wanted him to be careful and take care of himself.

The second time we met I had only briefly mentioned the possibility to stay with me if he ever needed help or things with Magnus turned out bad. Alec had reacted really grateful, so it had to be the right thing to say.

I still had some worries, but after the boy told me how he was treated by the older man I realized that he was absolutely safe with Magnus and I was happy he had been getting better the last month.

After everything he'd been through he had came to me a couple of times for help. Seeing him break down to tears had hurt every time, but whenever the young man smiled and told me excitedly about a nice day with his siblings or his boyfriend it warmed my heart.

I hadn't been so sure how his first day at school would turn out. I knew Alec wasn't good with meeting new people and teenager could be rather cruel, but he had called me that day, talking about his new friends and how mad he was at Magnus for not telling him about the warlock being his teacher and then, a bit shyly, about how exited he was about spending every day with his boyfriend now. It had been so good to see my boy so happy and...

“Luke! Alec woke up! You can visit him now!”

 

**Summary:**

Luke cares a lot about his “son” Alec. That's all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I didn't messed up writing Luke's pov  
> Thanks for reading :)  
> Oh and BTW, I have twitter now. I don't know if I'll do anything with it or if I'll do something, what exactly I'm going to do, but, well... it exists? I don't get social media, so really no idea what you have to expect...  
> twitter.com/MagicisrealM


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some family love and some talking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating. I edited Chapter 26. it's more than twice as long as it was before now. Read the notes to that chapter if you want to know why I didn't update.

You should probably read the second part of chapter 26 first. I edited it 2 days ago.

**Alec**

“Jace? Everything okay?”, I asked frowning. We hadn't talked or changed our position for more than 20 minutes now and that's why I was really surprised when my brother suddenly sat up.

“Aren't I supposed to ask you that.”, he replied with a weak smile.

“Jace...”, I said slowly, carefully watching his expression.

“I'm okay Alec, don't worry, but I won't be for much longer if I continue to keep you away from Izzy. Your sister told me she'd give me half an hour before she would kick in the door, so I should probably go get her now. Oh, and Luke of course!”, he explained and started moving towards the door.

“Luke? Why is Luke here?”, I asked confused.

“Why wouldn't he be here? I called him right after we took care of...”, his voice trailed of when I tensed at his words. Since Jace had entered the room my mind had been to busy with making sure he was okay to think about what happened, but now suddenly horrible images flashed in front of my eyes, fear that felt like hands around my throat grew in my chest and all the warmth that Magnus and my brother had given me was replaced by a lonely coldness that made me shiver and curl up under my blanket.

“Well... I... It doesn't matter. The point is that I called him and he immediately came over. He told Simon and Clary to go home and get some rest, but he himself refused to leave and slept on the floor last night.”, Jace told me, sounding like it was nothing special.

“He... He did all that just for me?”, I asked stunned.

“Of course. You two spend so much time together the last two months. Clary told me just a week ago that you are her first brother she really doesn't mind to be her sibling.”, he said looking worried and amused at the same time.

“Brother?”

“Yeah... you know... because Luke, her dad, basically adopted you?”

I smiled at the thought of being a part of the werewolf's family. When I thought of the word “father”, an image of Robert still appeared in my mind, but Luke's friendly smile and supporting words stopped the feeling of worthlessness that came over me when I pictured the stern voice and cold eyes of my father.

“Oh... I... I guess you are right... and she is part of the family anyways, now that you two are dating...”, I said blushing.

“I'm glad you think so.”, he said grinning, but then his eyes winded in shock. “Wait... Does that mean that your warlock is my brother now as well?” We both laughed and Jace left the room.

“Check if Magnus is alright, will you?”, I called after him and sunk back into my pillows.

I relaxed for a bit until the sound of a door being opened and slammed shut forcefully made me flinch.

“Alec! I'm so glad you are okay!”, Izzy cried and pulled me into a tight hug. I hold her for a few moments but then she pulled back and looked at me.

“By the Angel, Alec your leg! How bad is it?”

“I had worse, it's just broken. Mags can't use magic to heal it, so I'll have to heal the mundane way.”, I told her calmly.

“JUST BROKEN??? Alec your leg being broken isn't something you should be so relaxed about! And...”, she told me, her face flushed with anger, but then suddenly stopped. “What did you just called Magnus?”

“I... Uhm... It's just a nickname...”, I confessed blushing and looking away.

“Awww... You're guys are so cute! But seriously, how are things with your boyfriend?”

“G-Good I guess...”, I said a bit stunned.

Izzy just shook her head and rolled her eyes at me. “You guess? That's all? I need a few more details big brother.”

“Well... I... I'm really glad to have him in my life. He... Without him... I would be lost. I... Before the mall... and what happened the week before that... The last month I was happy, you know? I... I'm completely okay, but maybe... maybe one day? Before everything, before I met him, I... I never hoped for more than seeing you and Jace and Max happy, I never thought I could have that for myself. I'm still not sure how long this will last, but... at least now I know what I was missing out.”

Izzy just kept quiet for a few minutes and then pulled me into a soft embrace.

“I'm so happy for you Alec and I think maybe you and Magnus will last forever. You are the best person I know, you deserve this. I wish you could see that, but I'm glad you accept your own happiness.”, she told me with wet eyes and my vision became blurry with tears as well. I wanted to believe her so bad. I tried my best to don't listen to the voice in my head that whispered to me that she was just telling beautiful lies. Maybe I could just push my worries away for some time and enjoy having the support of my sister.

Izzy continued hugging me, checking if I was okay and asking embarrassing questions about my boyfriend. After some time she got up to call for Luke.

“Alec! I'm glad you are alright.”, Luke told me in a booming voice and clapped me on my shoulder.

“Thanks Luke.”, I said and smiled at him.

“Are you okay boy? Is there anything I can do for you?”

“Don't worry Luke, I'm fine.”, I said trying to sound convincing, but his concerned gaze made clear that he knew I was lying.

“Listen Alec, it's completely normal that you are not okay after something like this happened to you. It'll take some time, but you'll get better, as long as you work on yourself. As soon as you feel ready for that, you should talk to someone about everything what happened. Magnus, your siblings, me... We are all willing to listen to you and will try to help you.”, Luke told me in a calming voice and smiled down at me.

“Thanks Luke.”, I repeated. “I... I'll think about it.”

“Please tell me you won't keep my boyfriend away from me any longer, I can't stand that stupid blonde anymore.”, Magnus said when he entered the room.

“Magnus! Why is my hair covered in glitter?”, my parabatai yelled from the living room.

“Because you said my cat had a dumb name! Chairman meow isn't a dumb name, it's brilliant.”

We all spent the next hour in the bedroom, talking about unimportant things and laughing together. Suddenly the door flew open and my whole body tensed and I tried to move closer to the wall, away from the door and who might come through it. When I moved an intense pain shot through my broken leg and my whole chest felt like it was filled with broken glass.

I stared at the woman who was standing in the doorway. She had dark blue skin what would have shocked most people, but what really freaked me out was her angry gaze that was fixed on Magnus. I tried to ignore the pain that almost made me throw up and jumped out of bed, pulling the warlock back and placing him behind me.

“Who...?”, I managed to press through my gritted teeth before I cried out in pain.

“Alec!”, she yelled shocked. “What are you doing? You are not supposed to walk with that leg. Actually you are not supposed to move your leg at all or be out of bed! Magnus! You have to take care of your boy! You should have called me right after he woke up!”

The woman tried to come closer, but she stopped when she noticed the defense position I was in.

“Alec? What's wrong?”, she said confused. “Do you... Do you want me to use a glamor?” , she asked looking surprised.

“Who are you? And don't you dare come near Magnus!”, I told her, trying to ignore the pain.

“Alec, it's okay. She's a friend of mine, Catarina. I told you about her, do you remember? She won't hurt you. Or me. We're safe.”, Magnus explained, gently touching my shoulder.

“Oh”, I said blushing when I realized my mistake. “Well... This was not how I was planning to meet your friends.”

“Don't worry darling, how could anyone not adore you?”, asked Magnus with a small laugh.

When I finally understood what was going on and that neither Magnus nor me were in danger, my body relaxed and the pain became much stronger.

“Magnus?”, I breathed out.

“Yes?”

“Could you please catch me?”, I asked and collapsed, not able to stand the pain anymore.

“Alec!”, everyone yelled at the same time and Magnus strong arms wrapped around my waist.

“Alexander, I'm here. It's okay darling.”, he whispered in my ear and I felt the tickling sensation of his magic under my skin. If it hadn't hurt so much, it would probably felt really good and I was even a bit glad that the pain was there, because I didn't want to be turned on by my boyfriend in a room filled with my family.

The pain slowly ebbed away and I felt myself being lifted in Magnus arms and carried to the bed. He put me down really gently and tried to move away, but I grabbed his shirt and hold onto him as if my life depended on it.

“Alexander, baby, Catarina has to make sure you're alright. Is that okay?”

I nodded. “But please don't go.”

“Of course not darling.”

I felt a second wave of magic travel through my body. Not unpleasant, but not as amazing as the feeling of Magnus. His magic felt like home, love, life. A mental and physical sensation, one of the most fantastic things I ever felt. Of course I could never tell anyone, not even Magnus how it felt to me, he would just laugh about me.

“Catarina? How bad is it?”, Magnus asked panicked, pulling me a bit closer to his chest.

“Don't worry, everything is okay, but he must have been in lots of pain. Alec, why would you jump out of bed like that?”, Catarina said, shaking her head.

“You looked angry. I didn't know... I thought you would hurt Magnus.”, I answered her, suddenly very tired.

She smiled at me. “As your healer I have to tell you to be much more careful, but as Magnus friend I want to tell you I think we will get along just great.”

I smirked back at her. “Yes, I think so too.”

 

 **Summary:** Jace and Alec talk. Izzy and Alec talk. Luke and Alec talk. Catarina enters the room and Alec is scared and fears she might hurt Magnus because he doesn't know her and she is angry. He accidentally hurts himself a bit, but in the end he is fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be some real plot soon. Please tell me what you think :) Thanks for reading <3


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus gets a call he should have expected. And thinks a lot about Alec.

**Magnus**

“Magnus Bane here. Who the hell are you and why do you disturb me when I am spending time with my amazing, beautiful boyfriend?”, I said distracted and flipped Alexander's and my pancakes. I had been three days since the incident in the mall happened and today Catarina had finally allowed to use a little bit of magic on Alec to heal his broken leg. He wasn't completely healed, but at least he could walk. Or rather limp with crutches, but I was happy about it anyways.

Alexander not so much. I'd had to distract him with kisses so he would stop complaining, but that part had been quite pleasing. I'd known we couldn't stay much longer in bed, but by Lilith, I wanted too.

The day before he had asked me if he could wear one of my old T-Shirts. When I'd wanted an explanation, he had blushed so much I'd started to worry about his health and had muttered something about it smelling like me. I'd been just about to tease him a bit about it and look if I could manage to make him turn even redder, but when he had whispered “Maybe it will help with the nightmares when you are not around.”. I'd just shut my mouth, handled him the shirt and pulled him into a firm hug.

We'd spent the last few days in bed, talking about everything but what happened, because Alec still wasn't conformable with it, exchanged lazy kisses and just hold each other. Catarina, Izzy, Jace, Luke, Clary and Simon had visited often and even Raphael and Ragnor had offered me their help, but I'd decided that it wasn't such a great idea to let Alexander meet all my friends when he was still weak and tried to deal with having been beaten up and almost killed. His little brother Max had called at the oddest times to ask if Alec was awake and if he could talk to him. I guessed he had just called every time he could escape the observant eyes of his mother.

No matter what I was doing, since the attack I always tried to keep quite so I would hear Alexanders pained sounds if he had a nightmare. Yesterday I had accidentally started humming while preparing him lunch, until his screams had made me run to the bedroom. Of course I immediately took care of him, but I knew that if he had been screaming he had been trapped in a nightmare for quite some time already, so if my shirts helped him in that kind of situation, I would gladly give him my whole closet and wear lumps for the rest of my life. I just couldn't stand the broken look on his face anymore.

The only problem about this certain shirt was, that it was a bit too big for him and the v-neck exposed a lot of his beautiful chest. The hard muscles, the dark hair I wanted to run my fingers through and the silver scars, now mostly hidden beneath slowly fading bruises. The form of one of his old runes had coughed my eye and I couldn't help but imagine how it would be like to explore the silver, slightly raised lines with my lips and tongue.

I was very glad I hadn't really done that, because when Alexander noticed my stare his eyes winded and he quickly pulled the hem of the shirt up to cover himself. He had looked so uncomfortable that I'd whispered a quick apology and rolled of his body to lay down beside him and wrap my arms around him. I didn't know why exactly he had reacted like that, I had stared at him several times before, but I knew I had to be patient with him, even though it wasn't an easy task.

We had been together for almost five months now and had made out a lot of times, but clothes never had came off. Sometimes his shirt lifted up and I could get a quick gaze at that delicious stripe of pale skin just above the hem of his pants and if he weren't wearing one of his faded sweaters I was able to admire his impressive biceps, but I had never seen him shirtless, not even when he came out of the shower or when we went to bed. I had discovered that Alexander had no problem with seeing me shirtless or in really tight clothes, so I tried to tease him as often as possible and cause him to show me his beautiful blush.

I wondered if our relationship would move a bit faster if he hadn't been striped out of his marks, almost killed by my magic or attacked by some insane shadowhunter. I wouldn't force him into something he wasn't ready for or show him my impatience whenever my hands roamed all over his body but had to stay over his clothes and stop before I reached his groin.

I wasn't some horny teenager who couldn't control himself, but when I could feel his rock hard cock pressed against my thigh, not allowed to touch it, it was a bit difficult to stop myself from speeding things up a bit. I knew maybe I could seduce my boyfriend into loosing up a bit and maybe loosing some clothes as well, but I wanted Alexander to be ready, not just willing.

The voice that yelled at me through the phone after the pretty long break made me jump a bit.

“So he is alive!”, Haley said angrily. “Do you know how may times we tried to call him? He just disappeared! For the first few days we thought he was just sick or something, but now it had been a whole week and he wouldn't answer his phone. What the hell is going on?”

“Alec... had an accident. He... uhm... got hit by a car.”, I lied.

“WHAT??? Where is he? Is he okay? Why didn't you give us a call?”, said a male voice shocked. Jo.

“Calm down, Alec is alright. He has a broken leg and some nasty bruises, but nothing too serious.”, I said, trying to sound relaxed and not to thin about the image of a little but meaningful cut at his throat that hunted me in my dreams.

“Thank god! Can we come over today to visit him?”, Haley said sounding a lot calmer now.

“No, but maybe tomorrow. Today I want to take Alexander out on a date.”

“We'll go out today?”, asked Alexander when he entered the room, confusion written all over his face.

“Yes darling.”, I said ginning. “But I believe first Haley wants to murder you. She and Jo were really worried when they heard about your car accident.

“My... oh! Right!”, he said blushing and took the phone I was holding out for him. I turned around to finish cooking breakfast. I was already exited about what I had planned for my date with my boyfriend this evening. I just hoped he would like it.

 

 **Summary:** Magnus thinks about the days after the attack and his physical relationship with Alec. Jo and Haley call. They were pretty worried about Alec when he suddenly disappeared for a week, because they are great friends and care about Alec.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... date night? Nothing could go wrong, right?  
> twitter.com/MagicisrealM  
> Thanks for reading :) You are amazing <3


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec gets a surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... I know I didn't update really regularly this week and I'm really sorry about it. I'm not even sure if I'll manage to update tomorrow, because I have to do some work for school. At least I'll have some time this weekend, so I can try to make up for it, but I won't promise anything. This was supposed to be much longer, but I was busy with homework, sorry :( hope you'll enjoy it anyway :)

Magnus  
“Okay, open your eyes pretty boy!”, I said and watched Alexanders face heat up at the nickname.  
“Magnus!”, he breathed out. “That's amazing! How did you...?”  
“Izzy and Catarina helped me after I explained them what it should be like. They make a pretty great team, right?”, I said happily as I looked at the pavilion.   
They had placed it on top of a huge hill that overlooked the forest, the city and the ocean behind it. It was decorated with red, blue and yellow roses. In the center was set up a picnic and a bottle of wine. The whole thing was illuminated by thousands of little lights that were hidden behind the flowers. Their light shined through the petals and let the flowers look like they were glowing from the inside, but it was nothing compered to the light that was shining in Alexanders eyes.  
“What? But when did you plan...?”, my boyfriend asked confused and I couldn't help but chuckle.  
“Well... I might have lied to you about something...”, I said smirking and his body visibly tensed. It seems to me that he wasn't aware I was just teasing him.  
“A-About what?”, he asked nervously and I wrapped my arms around him to calm the poor boy down a bit.  
“Pretty boy, don't look at me like that! If it was something bad, why would I tell you at romantic picnic?”  
“To make me feel save and happy before you drop the bomb?”, Alec said such as way I couldn't help but roll my eyes at him.  
“No silly, that was not why I brought you here.”  
“And why did you do it then? Not that I am complaining, it's... it's beautiful.”, Alexander confessed blushing.  
“Remember when I told you about my planes for our three months anniversary? I might have let out a little detail... This was supposed to be your special surprise at the end of the day. I was going to pretend I was tired and wanted to go back to the apartment, but then take you up here. For the last two months I desperately tried to find the right time to do this, but I realized there will never be something like the perfect day or the perfect opportunity and I decided that we don't need it. Every day with you is perfect and more than good enough for a romantic gesture. Besides, I want to take your mind off things for some time. I want to show you that I care about you and this relationship, even when you are not fine. Especially when you are not fine. I want to be there for you.”  
When Alexander kept quite for a few minutes I started to worry I had said something wrong, but when his eyes started to fill with tears I panicked.  
“Alexander? What is it? Is this too much? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you.”, I said in a hurry, trying to fix the mess I just made.  
“To... To upset me? Magnus... I... This place... you... It's all so perfect.”, Alec told me, tears streaming down his face.  
“Really? You don't want to go back? If you wanted to, it wouldn't be a problem...”  
“What? No!”, Alexander almost yelled. “If this is a surprise for me, I'll enjoy my present as long as I can!” Then he suddenly looked a bit unsure. “You... You really wanted to do this for two months now? You planned this for our special day? By the Angel, Magnus, I am so sorry I wasn't able to...”  
“Darling, calm down, I'm just glad you like it.”, I said chuckling, but then became a bit more serious. “Alexander, my Angel... I need you to know that I don't blame you. It wasn't your fault at all and I am glad I was able to take care of you. The thing is... I know you care about me, so I don't mind if we have to change our plans a bit for whatever reason, because I know there will be a next time. As long as there will always be a new day with you and another one after that I know we will be just fine.”  
“Magnus...”, Alec started, but then quickly interrupted himself. “I... You... It's... By the Angel! How do you always know what to say?”, he stammered embarrassed.  
“It's okay darling.”, I said calmly and squeezed his hand.  
“I... I just... I don't know what... I love you Mags.”, he said still red as a tomato.  
“See?”, I told him cheerfully, “That's just what I wanted to hear! I love you too Alexander, so much! Come on now, let's have some food!”

Summary: Magnus shows Alec the surprise he prepared for his boyfriend. They both get a bit emotional.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading :)


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I told you something bad would happen on that date...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this sucks or if there are a lot of mistakes, it's just really late right now and I can barley keep my eyes open I'm sorry. At least this horrible, stressing week is over now :)

**Magnus**

I couldn't stop smiling when I watched Alexander. It seemed to me that he really liked the date I had prepared for him. The sun was slowly going down and the golden light made him look even more angelic than it usually did. The soft rays of light danced over his messy hair, making it glow. I just wanted to run my fingers through it. Well, he was my boyfriend, so I could.

I smirked when he made a noise that almost sound like purr and leaned into the touch. I loved to see him like this, so relaxed and trusting. I still couldn't believe I had this beautiful, strong man all to myself. Maybe things got complicated sometimes, but he was _mine._ He had agreed to stay with me, an eight hundred years old warlock, who he had to give up for so much. As long as he would have me, I would do everything I could to see his beautiful smile until the end of my life, though I knew that wasn't possible.

“What are you thinking about?”, he asked suddenly.

“Just... so beautiful.”, I breathed out.

“Yeah, it is. Thank you for showing me this.”, he said and looked back in the direction of the setting sun. It's light let the ocean glitter far, far in the distance like it was covered in thousand of diamonds and the rooftops of the city's buildings looked like they were made of gold.

“Alexander, I'm not talking about the sunset.”

“Oh. But what...?”, he asked confused. By Lilith, he was so adorable!

“Angel, I can't believe you have no idea what I'm talking about.”, I told him, gently touching his cheek. Again he leaned into the touch and let out a soft sight.

“I feel stupid. Come on Mags, tell me what this is about.”, he said pouting.

“You”, I told him chuckling.

“What?”, he replied, even more confused now.

I slowly moved towards my boyfriend, pushed him flat on his back and leaned down, so my upper half was laying on top of him and our chests were pressed together. Firm, but not too much, because I didn't want to hurt his still fragile rips.

“You are so beautiful.”, I whispered against his lips and before he could say something back, probably some nonsense about my words not being true, I pressed a soft kiss to his slightly parted lips. He tasted like the strawberries we had earlier and I slipped my tongue into his mouth because I couldn't get enough of him. After a few moments he realized what was happening and ecclesiastically returned the kiss. When his hands wandered over my body, somehow landed on my butt and squeezed it a bit, I shamelessly moaned into his mouth and he reacted immediately and started to knelt my cheeks. I had to fight hard against my own body to gain the control back and not just roll on top of my gorgeous boyfriend and have my way with him, but I knew that it had to be Alexander who set the pace of our relationship and as long as there was a relationship, I had no problem with waiting a bit. Of course my certain parts of me had a different opinion about that, but I knew it was worth it.

I was enjoying the amazing feeling of Alexanders strong biceps under my palms and his hands in my hair, tugging it a bit, just the way I liked it, when I suddenly felt his body stiff under my touch. I immediately stopped kissing him and removed my hands from his arms to prop myself up on my forearms.

“Darling? Is something wrong?”, I asked worried.

“Magnus... Can I... can I take my tie off? Please, I need to take it off.”

“Of course angel. You don't have to ask me if you want to undress. Believe me, I don't mind...”, I joked, but my smile was gone as soon as I noticed the tears that were glittering in his eyes.

“Alexander? What's wrong? Did I hurt you. I'm so sorry if...”

“No”, he interrupted me. “You did nothing wrong, it's just... the tie... it feels like...”, his voice was barley more than a whisper now. “It feels like... like hands around my throat. Magnus I can't... I can't breath.”, he gasped out and looked at me, panic showing in his eyes.

Before I could realize what was happening, I had already sniped my fingers to free him from the tie, immediately giving him what he wanted without needing to think about it.

As soon as it was gone, Alexander started coughing and turned away from me. “Magnus I'm sorry.”, he gasped out and when he faced me again fear was written all over his face.

I frowned at his words. Why would he be sorry? Did he honesty believe I would blame him for this? Or did he blame himself? He was the victim, why would he do that? I knew Alexander was really insecure and pushed himself to hard, but it couldn't be this bad, or could it?

“Alexander? You don't have to apologize. It's me who should be sorry, I shouldn't have done this, I knew you were still upset.”, I explained and gently put my hand on his shoulder, hoping he wouldn't flinch away.

“Darling, please look at me.”, I whispered and slowly rolled him over so he was facing me again. “Alexander, it's okay. I just want you to be okay, but I know you'll need some time. It won't be easy, but I'll be there to help you, always. I love you.”, I told him, hoping I could make him understand just how true my words were.

“I love you too Magnus.”

 

“I-I'm sorry Magnus. I guess we should go home now.”, Alexander said, not looking at me, but at a spot somewhere above my shoulder.

“Alec? Alexander what is it? I'm sorry I did this, I went too far. Please believe me I won't do it again. I need you to trust me. I didn't meant to...”, I chocked out, realizing what just had happened. What had gone wrong? What had I done wrong? Okay, I knew what I had done, but why did he react like this instead of just saying something? Did he really trust me that less? What if he really didn't trust me and wanted to try being with someone else? No, he wouldn't do that, Alexander wasn't like that, but what had I done that caused this? Maybe my boyfriend had some serious troubles and I hadn't noticed? Was I loosing Alexander?

“If you want me to, I'll sleep on the couch or in my old room.”, my boyfriend continued without even listening to me.

“Do _you_ want to sleep somewhere else? Because that would absolutely fine with me.”, I said and then freezing when I saw the look on his face.

“No!”, I almost yelled. “Not like that! Of course I want you in my bed, in _our_ bed, I just wanted to say that it is your decision... You know that, right?”

“Yes, I do. It's not that, I would never think something like that about you.”, he told me honestly, but I could tell he was still far away, lost in his own thoughts. “I'm sorry I ruined this date. Two times. You put so much effort in planning it, and I ruined it”, he said ashamed.

“Angel, I did this for you, I just want you to be happy. And if that wasn't the problem, what did I do wrong?”

“You did nothing Magnus. You are perfect. Can we just go home now?”, Alexander told me in an emotionless voice that broke my heart.

“Of course Darling, whatever you want.”, I said, trying to hide how hurt I felt and opened a portal back to the apartment.

 

**Summary:** Magnus and Alec make out. Alec panics a bit, because of his trauma, but Magnus calms him down rather quickly. Later something else happens between the two, but Magnus isn't able to fix it this time. What exactly happens and who is to blame for it? And why are they both apologizing all the time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... what is going on? Did Magnus really did something bad to Alec? Is Alec overreacting? Why is he acting so strange? And when will Alec finally let Magnus in and talk to him about things?  
> What do you guys think? Please tell!!!  
> Thanks for reading :)


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec's pov of whatever happened at the end of their date and what happens after they got back to the apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually wanted to post this yesterday, but I couldn't finish it in time. This is rather long, so I hope I could make up for not updating yesterday :)

**Alec**

“I love you too Magnus.”, I told him and how could I not? I was broken once again, after he tried his best to fix me, but he still wanted to stay by my side. I wasn't even able to enjoy our date like the normal teenager I was supposed to be. I was pretty sure this wasn't what Magnus had expected when he started a relationship with a seventeen years old shadowhunter.

He had probably thought I was like Jace or maybe like Izzy. Maybe even like Clary, but not like, well, not like me. Not so different. I didn't really fit in his life, I didn't really fit in anywhere, but he had accepted me the way I was. Magnus had formed his life until it fit to me, not the other way around.

Quite evenings with movies and take out, instead of parties and clubs. Just some lazy, loving kisses and cuddles instead of the frequent, hot sex he most likely had expected from a boy in my age. He must have thought being with me would be carefree and easy, because I was just some teenager who shouldn't have any worries or problems, nothing to take care of but him. But I couldn't be like that. I had expected him to leave when he realized I was too different, to broken, to much work, but he had wanted me anyways. Magnus had showed me what it meant to love and be loved and I would always be grateful for that, even after the day he left me.

“Alexander?”, Magnus voice brought me back to reality.

“Yes, yes. Sorry, spaced out a bit. Could you maybe repeat what you just said?”, I said in a rush and blushed a bit.

Magnus chuckled and shook his head in amusement. “I just want to know what do you want to do now. It's already getting dark, so maybe you want to go home, but we could stay for a bit longer if you feel like it.”

“Can we stay here?”, I asked, not wanting this night to end so soon.

“Of course, whatever you want darling. I'll give you whatever you need, always, just say the word.”

I knew he meant much more than just this date. He was so perfect, loved me so perfect, that I couldn't help but press my lips to his, but he pulled away far too soon.

“Come with me, I have prepared something for us.”, he told me, took my hand and lead me away from our pavilion.

“There is still more?”, I asked shocked. He had already done so much for me.

“Don't worry, it's not to much.”, he chuckled. “And now close your eyes.”

I did as I was told, though it was against all my shadowhunter instincts, but I had gotten used to it a long time ago. Magnus was the one I trusted most after all.

“Okay now lay down.”, Magnus said and let go of my hand.

I frowned, but did it anyway. The feel of a soft blanket under me confused me even more. I felt Magnus lay down next to me and his strong arms pulled me into his chest.

“Okay, open your eyes now”, he whispered into my ear and when I did I let out a surprised gasp. I had been so focused on Magnus that I hadn't noticed how dark it had become. Here, far away from the city with it's bright lights, I could see millions of stars in the dark blue night sky above us.

“Magnus! That's...”, I started but my voice trailed of when I looked at him. The light of the stars was reflecting in his golden-green cat eyes and his smile was much more breathtaking than the sunset and the stars in combination.

“...beautiful.”, I whispered and cupped his cheek with one of my hands. I let my thumb travel over his cheekbone and he leaned in to capture my lips in a soft kiss.

Of course it felt amazing, but I wanted more. I let my hands sink into his silky hair and pulled it a bit, just the way I knew he loved it and earned a soft moan in response, just as I had expected. He pulled me a bit closer and pressed our lips firmer together and I shifted a bit so he rolled on top of me, our bodies touching as much as possible, so close that there wasn't any space between us anymore.

Magnus opened my lips with his tongue and slipped it into my mouth. One of his started stroking my biceps, the other one traveled down my body until it reached my butt and he squeezed it just the way he did it after I woke up from the coma the spell had caused and my family had interrupted us. Obviously he hadn't been sure how I felt about it before that day, but now that I had shown him just how much I enjoyed him touching me, he was rather enthusiastic.

When he squeezed my cheek a bit firmer I let out an exited groan, my legs fell open and he slid between them. I felt something hard being pressed against my leg and I couldn't help but push my hips up to let him feel just how turned on I was myself. My erection rubbed against his hard abs and I moaned at the feeling.

Suddenly Magnus gripped my hips with his strong hands and moved me a bit so our clothed erections brushed together and we both moaned when he moved his hips against mine to create some delicious friction.

I was so lost in the pleasure that I almost missed one of his hands sliding under my shirt. God, it felt so good to be touched by him. I wanted to just lay back and let him do to me whatever he wanted, touch me wherever he liked. When his thumb brushed over my right nipple my hips jerked up and I had to pull away from his hot mouth and bite my own lip to hold back a scream. I hadn't even known I was so sensitive there, but I desperately wanted him to touch me like that again.

When Magnus noticed the look on my face his lips turned upwards and with an evil grin he began to slowly push my shirt up. He was so concentrated on staring at my body that he completely missed that I wasn't moving against him anymore. My whole body was frozen in fear. It wasn't that I didn't want to continue. I never wanted this night to end, but I knew if I didn't stop him know, it would end anyways and our relationship would as well and I wasn't ready for that. I would loose him one day, but this was far to early.

“No! Stop!”, I heard myself scream and before my brain could catch up with my body I was standing a few meters away from Magnus, who was laying on the grass, looking confused and hurt.

He stood up and I took a step back. “I-I'm sorry Magnus. I guess we should go home now.”

The look in confusion on Magnus face turned in one of worry. “Alec? Alexander what is it?”, he said and then his eyes went wide. “I'm sorry I did this, I went too far. Please believe me I won't do it again. I need you to trust me. I didn't meant to...”, he chocked out.

I couldn't believe it. Even now he wasn't mad at me, but was blaming himself. I was the freak who just pushed him away in the middle of something beautiful. I was the one who should be apologizing.

“If you want me to, I'll sleep on the couch or in my old room.”, I offered, knowing he wouldn't want to cuddle after I ruined our date two times, after he had put so much effort in planning it.

“Do _you_ want to sleep somewhere else? Because that would absolutely fine with me.” Oh. Well, I had expected it, but it hurt nevertheless hearing him say it out loud.

“No!”, he suddenly yelled and I flinched back. “Not like that! Of course I want you in my bed, in _our_ bed, I just wanted to say that it is your decision... You know that, right?”, he said, looking at me in a way he never did before, so broken and small, so vulnerable. But why? Shouldn't he be mad? I'd just kicked him to the ground without any explanation and... Wait... did he think I thought... But how could I ever think something as horrible as that?

“Yes, I do. It's not that, I would never think something like that about you.”, I told him and then the shame took over. This whole situation was my fault after all. “I'm sorry I ruined this date. Two times. You put so much effort in planning it, and I ruined it”

“Angel, I did this for you, I just want you to be happy.” God, he was so fantastic. He loved me so much and cared for me. I just wish I would deserve it. It was just not fair! How was I suppose to bear the pain of loosing him, if he continued to make me feel this way? And I was already loosing him. I was so concentrated on holding the tears back, that I almost missed his next question.

“...if that wasn't the problem, what did I do wrong?” Shit. What should I tell him? That I was just some freak who had been lying to him the whole time? That he had wasted his time with me?

“You did nothing Magnus. You are perfect. Can we just go home now?”, I said trying to not just break down in front of him.

“Of course Darling, whatever you want.”, he replied sounding really hurt and opened a portal to the apartment.

As soon as I we were home I excused myself to the bathroom. I slammed the door shut and sank down onto the cold floor. I just wanted to cry, let some of the pain out, but I knew I couldn't have been quite and I didn't want to face Magnus right now. After a few minutes my heavy breathing calmed down a bit and with shaking legs I raised from the floor and walked over to the door. For a second I thought about checking myself in the mirror, making myself looking less like the mess I was, but I couldn't stand my own reflection right now.

“Alexander”, Magnus called out when I entered the living room and took a step towards me, but than stopped himself, looking unsure at me.

“Well... We... You never answered my question, so I prepared you a room, so if you don't want to be close to me tonight...”, he said, staring at the floor, but I could still see the pain and shame that was written all over his face.

“Magnus... I meant what I said earlier. I trust you. I know you would never hurt me and I know if I had just told you to stop you would have done it immediately. Please stop blaming yourself. Please stop looking at me like... like I was afraid of you. I'm not.”

“But then what went wrong? Because this doesn't make sense to me. I know things aren't easy for you right now and I'll do everything I can to help you, but how am I supposed to do that if you don't talk to me?”, he said now staring directly into my eyes. He still didn't sound mad, but sad and desperate.

“I-I don't want to talk about it. Can you... I need you to...”, I stammered ashamed of myself for putting that look onto his face.

“Whatever you want darling. I'll give you whatever you need.”, Magnus said and took my hand in his.

“Can you just hold me tonight?”, I whispered.

“Of course Alexander. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

 

 **Summary:** Magnus and Alec star gaze at the end of their date. They make out and both of them enjoy it. A lot. When Magnus wants to take Alec's shirt of, Alec panics, because he is still insecure about his body and thinks Magnus will break up with him if he sees everything of him. He pushes Magnus away and after that things get pretty awkward. Magnus things Alec might be afraid of him. Alec tells him that wasn't the problem, but won't tell him what is going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... so Magnus finally noticed that something is wrong? Can he get Alec to tell him what is going on? Or will this destroy their relationship? What do you think? Please tell!!!!  
> Thanks for reading! :)


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus and Alec get really emotional...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating for 3 DAYS!!!!!! I was busy with school trips to some universities and came back home late and exhausted and yesterday I forgot to save the chapter before my computer died :( But here is the new chapter, I hope you'll enjoy it :)

**Alec**

I couldn't remember why, but I knew I had been very upset when I had fallen asleep last night. Maybe something about my parents? No, I hadn't talked to them in months. Maybe Jace or Izzy had said something to me? No, they hadn't done anything. Maybe I'd had a flashback or something like that? No, the memories still scared me, but it wasn't as bad as it could be. Maybe something about Magnus? But if that was true, why would his arms be wrapped around me, his front pressed to my back?

And then I remembered what had happened yesterday, what I had done. First everything had been so fantastic. I still couldn't believe Magnus had prepared this beautiful place just for me... It could have been the perfect date, but I'd ruined it. Twice.

The first time hadn't ended too bad. After I told Magnus the tie was hurting me and what I needed he had taken care of it and hadn't even been mad at me. He hadn't even reacted annoyed, he had been supporting and so, so gentile. The date hadn't even ended after that problem was solved.

Star gazing with Magnus had been amazing. No matter how many dates we already had, he always found new ways to take my breath away, new things to show me, new ways to make me feel loved.

When he had kissed and touched me, it had felt so good. I wished we could have continued. I imagined what he would have done next, if I hadn't stopped him. He would have taken my shirt off, would have continued to kiss me. He would have slid my pants and underwear down, so I was completely naked, I would have taken his clothes off as well, I would have been allowed to finally saw all of his sexy, perfect body and then...

Then what? I wasn't exactly sure what would have followed after that. Of cause I knew the basic dynamics of sex, but I didn't knew what he would have expected from me. Maybe he would have showed me how to please him? Was I even able to do that? He had been with so many people before, certainly he expected much more from a lover than I could offer him.

But that didn't matter anyways, because I had stopped him. No, I hadn't just stopped him, I had yelled at him and shoved him to the ground. I knew I just should have told him to stop, that I wasn't ready, even if that wasn't exactly true. If I wasn't such a pathetic freak, I wouldn't be in this situation now. I just wanted to be a normal teenager and make my first sexual experiences with my boyfriend.

“Good morning Darling.”, yawned said boyfriend. When he shifted a bit, I could feel something hard being pressed against my ass. I had to hold myself back to not let out an embarrassing moan and grind back against Magnus erection. Suddenly his whole body tensed and then his warm arms were gone, taking the safe feeling with them.

“Alexander... I'm so sorry... I didn't meant to force you into this situation.”, Magnus told me, staring at me with wide, golden cat eyes I almost got lost into.

“What are you talking about?”, I asked frowning.

“Well... I'm not so sure myself... But yesterday you said that you trust me and me might not stopping if you needed me to wasn't the problem... and I know you aren't ready yet... What is absolutely fine with me! I just thought with all the stress, you know, after everything what happened to you... this... might be too much.”, he explained, looking at his own feet instead of me.

Suddenly I realized that this was about much more than just sex. 'This' didn't only meant sexual situations. 'This' meant being close to an other person at all. 'This' meant dealing with someone else's feelings. 'This' meant being in a relationship.

I jumped out of bed as well and pulled him into a tight hug. First his whole body tensed, but then he relaxed into the embrace and hid his face in my hair.

“Magnus, I love you. You are always so unbelievable gentile and patient... I never expected anyone to treat me the way you do... but yet here you are, doing it without being asked for it and it feels... I can't even explain you how good being with you feels. I don't think I could be with someone else, even if I wanted to, because nobody could take care of me like you do. I... I feel so broken Magnus. Nobody could ever help me the way you do. After... after the Silent City... I thought I would never be the same again... and I was right. I won't, I can't, but it's not all bad. I changed in a good way too. Thank you for that. Thank you for this life. For this version of myself. When he... when that shadowhunter pressed the knife to my throat... I thought I was going to die. I was so scare Magnus... But then I heard your voice. You told me everything was going to be okay. And I saw you too. In the kitchen. The sun was rising, filling the room with golden light and you... you looked so beautiful. You made it better. If I had died that day, I would have died happy, thinking of you. And then... I had this dreams... Not really dreams, more like memories... usually you wake me up, but that time you didn't. I don't know why, maybe I didn't scream for some reason, but you didn't need to be there to save me. I saw you again, in the kitchen... I heard your voice again... and... I felt warm and safe... you made it all go away and you didn't even know it...”

After I had finished he didn't say anything for a few minutes and started to panic, thinking maybe I had said to much, but then I felt something warm and wet hitting my cheek. I looked up at him and saw that he was crying.

“Thank you Alec. I... I wasn't sure if I was doing this right... if I was good for you, or... or if I was making it even harder for you. I know you are hurting, emotionally far worse than physically and I... I just want to help you. I would give up everything I have to make you feel okay again, but I'm not even sure if anything I tried worked. I... Sometimes...”, his voice cracked and with a loud sob he pulled me even closer.

After everything he just told me I needed a moment to react, but then I tightened my arms around him as well. I had never thought he could feel like this, not after everything he had done for me. He always acted so confident, like nothing in the world could ever bother him.

“Sometimes I think we shoulddn't be together.”

My whole body froze. What did he just say? Was he going to break up with me? After everything he just said? Was he really this cruel? But if the whole situation affected him this much, maybe he had decided he didn't want to feel this way anymore?

“I... I want you to be okay and sometimes... sometimes I just think you would be happier with someone else. Sometimes I feel like I should let you go, but I can't, I just can't Alec. I know I'll have to some day, but not now, not before we had time to create some memories I can hold on to so I won't fall apart after you're gone. I know it's selfish... sometimes I feel like starting this relationship was selfish. You are so young Alec... you don't know anything about this... Maybe... maybe if it hadn't been me who flirtedwith you for the first time, made you accept yourself, maybe you could have been happy with someone else... You deserve the world Alexander and I wish I could give it to you.”, Magnus sobbed.

When I pulled away to look at him I noticed that he had glamored his warlock mark, something he never did then we were alone, only if he was angry or I did something to upset him and he didn't want to show all of himself, didn't want to be vulnerable.

“I don't want the world, I want you.”, I told him, tears streaming down my face. “Nobody could have made me come out to the whole clave like you did. I'm not with you because you were the only one who ever noticed me, I'm with you because you are you. Nobody else could have done what you did for me. I love you Magnus. Not because I have to, just because you are you.”

“I love you Alexander. So much. I... I...”, Magnus sobbed and suddenly he was looking at me with his real eyes again.

“I love you too Magnus. I don't want to loose you.”, I whispered, wishing he would just ignore the last part, but I just needed him to know how I felt.

“You won't. I'll love you forever my sweet angel.”, he said and the normal Magnus was back, the one who complemented me in every second sentence and had eyes filled with so much faith in me and our relationship that it was enough for both of us. I wanted to believe him, I wanted it so much.

Maybe... maybe he really loved me enough to not care about my looks, my fears, everything that was wrong with me? But I had lied to him... I hadn't shown him everything of me, while he had been honest with me. Okay, for him it was far easier, because he hadn't anything to hide, he was perfect. But... he had shown me his cat eyes... I knew he hated them, but he had shared this part of himself with me, even though he had been scared, but I... I had lied to him. Maybe I hadn't technically lied, I had just being leaving things out... and he knew how the scars on my arms and the one on my neck looked like, but still... Magnus never saw all of them, all of my body. Actually I should be grateful he never really thought about it, he would be grossed out.He would be angry if I told him. One day Magnus would find out he had been wasting his time.

“I wish that was true.”, I breathed out before I could stop myself.

“What are you talking about? Why would you loose me? I'm not going anywhere Alexander, I promise.”

“I love you.”, I told him instead of answering his question.

“Darling? Alexander, please tell me what is going on.”

“It's nothing Mags. I love you.”, I said and pressed our lips together. “I should get ready for school.”

 

 **Summary:** The morning after the date that went wrong. Magnus and Alec both blame themselves. They talk a bit and say each other some nice things. Magnus tells Alec a bit about his own insecurities and Alec tries to make it better, but still refuses to open up to Magnus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... they finally talked... a bit... Don't worry the will talk more, like really talk about things, soon.  
> How will that happen? Will Magnus get Alec to tell him what's wrong? What do you think? What's your opinion about this chapter? Please tell!!!  
> Thanks for reading!!!!!!❤ ❤ ❤


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec's first day at school after he had been away for some time. And then something else happens...

Alec  
After we had talked things with Magnus had gotten a bit easier, but it was still awkward. He knew that I knew that he knew I was lying to him when I said that nothing was wrong. I wished we could just go back to how it had been before, but I knew that wouldn't work. We were a time bomb and at some point I would loose him anyway. I could fight for him, try to be a different person, someone he wouldn't get bored of, but there were things I couldn't change.  
After I had made clear I didn't want to talk about it by responding with 'I love you's to all his questions I had kissed his tears away and then started to get ready for school. He had kissed me goodbye, but I'd felt that he was still unsure about what had happened and our relationship. I tried to reassure him, but I didn't knew how, because I wasn't sure how much time we had left myself.  
I leaned on my crutches and walked towards the front door of the school. I was a bit late, because I had to make a few breaks on my way, because of the pain in my chest and my leg. Magnus had offered me to create a portal, but I had told him I wanted to spend some time outside before sitting the whole day in a boring classroom.  
Of course he had wanted to walk me to school, but I'd told him that wasn't necessary. I was pretty sure he had figured out that I needed some time for myself. Magnus had looked so sad when I had left, but he hadn't forced his company on me. No matter how hurt he was, he always tried to do what was best for me. Even when he was breaking inside, he never blamed me. Sometimes I wished he would scream at me, or maybe just ask for me to take care of him, like he did all the time for me. This morning had been a good start. I just hoped we would be okay for some time, before everything ended. He was right, we needed time to create some memories, but it wasn't him who was going to fall apart, it was me.  
“I'm sorry sir. I know I am late, I had some problems with my leg on my way to school.”, I told my English teacher when I opened the door.  
“Alec!”, two voices screamed and suddenly two pairs of arms were wrapped around me.   
“We have been so worried Alec! Magnus told us about the car accident. Why didn't you give us a call? You don't show up for a whole week and don't call us? Not even once?”, Haley almost yelled at me when she pulled back and Jo just crossed his arms and glared at me.  
“Sorry. I was in coma most of the time, so...”  
“Coma???”, Jo asked shocked. “Magnus didn't said anything about that! Are you sure you shouldn't stay at home for a bit longer? It's Friday, you could have waited at least until the weekend is over.”  
“Magnus thinks so, but I'm okay I promise.”  
“Mr. Lightwood, we are all happy you are okay, but could you please sit down now?”, the teacher said and suddenly I was aware of the fact that all eyes in the room were fixed on me.  
“Of course, my apologies sir.”, I said blushing and limped to my place between Jo and Haley.  
“So Alec, how is it to spend so much free time at home alone with nurse Magnus?”, whispered Jo when the teacher turned around to the bored.  
“I... uhm... It's nice... he... he takes care of me.”, I told them with a smile, thinking about the beautiful date he had prepared for me, but my face fell when I remembered how it had ended.  
“What's wrong? Did you guys have a fight or something?”, Haley asked frowning.  
“Not exactly a fight... look, I don't really want to talk about it, okay?”, I said, looking down at my hands.  
“Sure! Let's talk about something else...”, she answered with an evil grin.  
“Please don't... Alec don't want to hear about that!”, Jo groaned and covered his face with his hands.  
“Of course he wants to!”, Haley said, still grinning. “A lot happened while you weren't around. Jo finally asked Jenny out!”  
“Wait, are you talking about Jennifer Robbins? The girl he had been crushing on for three months now? What did she say?”, I asked, a bit surprised by my own enthusiasm, but it was just so nice to know that my friends were okay and hadn't anything to worry about but marks, homework and crushes.  
“They have a date tomorrow!”, Haley exclaimed happily.  
“That's amazing.”, I said smiling and punched my blushing friend on the shoulder.  
“Mr. Lightwood! I know you hadn't seen your friends for some time and you three have probably a lot to talk about, but could you please do that after class?”  
“We are sorry sir.”, Haley said and we all tried to look as innocent as possible.  
The rest of the day went pretty well. We talked a lot about Jo's date on Saturday and it was just nice to hang out with my friends without people looking at me like I was going to fall apart if they weren't careful enough. A few times I had to hold myself back from flinching away when strangers got to close to me in the hallways, but most of the time I was okay.   
We were leaving the classroom our last lesson took place in, when someone walked into me and spilled a whole bottle of juice over me.  
“Oh my god, I am so sorry!”, said the boy and took a step back.  
“It's okay, don't worry about it, there is a fresh shirt in my locker. See you guys Monday. And text me after your date Jo, I need to know everything!”, I shouted over my shoulder and limped over to my locker. I took the shirt out and moved over to the boy's restroom, but before I could open the door a cold panic raised in my chest. I knew it didn't make any sense, but I knew I couldn't go in there, not after what happened the last time I had been in a place like this.  
I decided to use the now empty looker rooms. I took my shirt off, but before I could pull the fresh one over my head, the door behind me opened and I heard someone gasping followed by a quiet “Alexander?”. I froze when I recognized the voice.   
No, he couldn't be here, not now. This wasn't fair! Slowly I turned around to face Magnus.

Summary: Things between Magnus and Alec are still pretty awkward. Alec spends a nice day with his friends, until someone spills juice all over his shirt. Because he has a problem with public restrooms after what happened to him the last time he used one, he goes to the empty locker rooms to change. When he is still shirtless, Magnus walks in...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bam bam baaaaaaam! Now Alec can't hide anymore! How will Magnus react to seeing Alec like this for the first time? How will Alec handle this situation after being afraid for such a long time? What will happen next? Please tell me what you think, I'd love to hear your opinion!!!  
> Thanks for reading!❤ ❤ ❤


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus finds a little surprise in the locker rooms...

**Magnus**

As soon as the door closed behind Alexander I had to sit down, my shaking legs just could hold me up anymore. Had I really told him all these things about my insecurities? He had said so many beautiful things about me, about our relationship, but how could I be sure they weren't just lies?

He had told me I was helping him, but he still refused to tell me what was really going on. I didn't cared that he had stopped me though he seemed to enjoy our little making out session at the end of our date. By Lilith, I would even mind if he told me he never wanted to have sex with me, because he just didn't like sex at all. Of course it would be hard, in more than just one meaning of the word, but it wouldn't scare me the way his current behavior did. I knew there was more to it, something that might destroy our relationship, but I couldn't figure out what was going on.

I spent the rest of the day sitting at home, trying to ignore the ache in my chest. I pulled my phone out at least five times every hour, but I didn't have any new messages from Alexander. On a normal school day he would have texted me at least once, telling me about something his friends had said about us, or just asking how I was doing.

But what if he wasn't texting me, because something happened? Maybe he never made it to school? Quickly I pulled my phone out and sent a short message to his friends.

 

**To: Haley and the one with the pink hair**

hey, sry if I'm interrupting you, but is Alexander with u? I didn't hear from him the whole day and just wanted to make sure he is alright

 

**From: the one with the pink hair**

yeah, alec is here. He's okay, though he's acting a bit strange. Did the accident effected him this much? Will u pick him up today?

 

**From: Haley**

Don't worry Magnus. Alec is fine, but he was late this morning and said he had some problems with his leg. Now he seems to be alright, though he is a bit jumpy today. I guess a side effect of getting hit by a car. How are you? Everything okay?

 

**To: the one with the pink hair**

Okay thank you jo. I guess being back at school is hard for him. And yes, I'll pick him up, but please don't tell him. It's suppose to be a surprise.

 

**To: Haley**

I'm fine, thanks for asking. And thank you for telling me about Alexander's problems with his leg. I'll pick him up today and make sure he'll get home without being in pain, but please don't tell him yet. I hope you and Jo are alright, I'm grateful you two are looking out for Alec.

 

**From: Haley**

We're just fine. Jo has some news, but I'm sure Alec will tell you later about that ;)

 

I put my phone down and let out a deep breath. That idiot! I had told him walking the whole way to school on his own was a bad idea! At least he was with his friends now, they would take care of him.

When I reached the school most of the students were already leaving. Haley had called me when I was on my way to tell me that someone had spilled juice all over my poor Alexander and he was changing right now. I figured he was probably in the restroom and went down to the looker rooms to check if I could find an empty one I could create a portal in.

I stopped in front of one of the rooms and pressed my ear against the door to check if it was used right now. When I couldn't hear a single sound I pushed the door open.

Skin. So much glorious white skin, covering strong muscles. And that ass! The best ass I had ever seen, right under that perfect back.

“Alexander...”, I breathed out without thinking.

He turned around and I couldn't help but stare. I had never seen so much of Alec's bare body and it took my breath away. I had waited so long and now he was just standing in front of me, shirtless and looking like a Greek God. He had strong shoulders, a toned chest and... chest hair. I hadn't thought he would have chest hair, but it suited him perfectly. It looked so soft, that I couldn't help but imagine running my fingers through it or hiding my face in it. My gaze traveled lower and all my thoughts were stopped by the sight of his abs. I wanted nothing more but push him down on the floor and lick this piece of art. His strong v-line leaded down to the hem of his pants and suddenly I wished he was wearing even less. How could he make me so hard just by not wearing a shirt?

I teared my gaze away from his body when I realized that I didn't exactly had his permission to look at him like this, hungry and with lust filled eyes.

I wanted to apologize to him, but when my eyes met his, I noticed that they were widened with fear. Moreover he wasn't blushing like I had expected him to do in a situation like this, he was paler than I had ever seen him and I was slightly worried he might pass out.

Suddenly his eyes flickered to the shirt that was laying on the bench between us and back up to me. I didn't know what was going on, but once again I was acting without needing to think about it, giving Alexander what he needed. I sniped my fingers and he was wearing the shirt and his favorite faded sweater.

“Magnus... I'm sorry.”, my poor angel pressed out and I realized with horror that his eyes were filling with tears.

“Alec? Alexander, what's wrong? What are you sorry for?”, I asked, coming a bit closer, but stopping when he took a step back.

“Magnus... I love you, I'm sorry I lied to you. I just didn't want to loose you.”, my boyfriend sobbed, tears now freely streaming down his face.

“Alexander? What are you talking about? What did you lie about?”, I asked him, now getting really scared, because I couldn't figure out what was going on and I didn't know what he might have been lying about.

“This.”, he said and gestured to himself. “Me... I never showed you... I just didn't want to loose you so soon. I guess you are angry now, I understand that.”

“I still don't know why you are so scared. Is this about me seeing you shirtless? I'm sorry, I didn't know you were in here and I'm sorry for staring, I was just...”, I traveled of, not wanting to say something to embarrass or upset him even more.

I must have said something wrong, because he suddenly began to shake and more tears were streaming down his face. I wanted to hug him and tell him whatever this was about was going to be okay, but he flinched back again when I moved toward him. It broke my heart to see the poor boy like this.

“I know... I'm sorry Magnus, you have to be so disgusted now...”, he whispered and stared at his own feet.

“What? Why would I be disgusted?”, I asked confused, still not understanding what caused this reaction.

“B-Because of me!”, Alec sobbed. “I-I have all this scars and... and I'm just so _ugly._ I'd understand if you want to break up with me now...” He had moved to the other end of the room, sat down on a bench and curled up to a small, sobbing ball.

“Alec... how can you... why would you... Why would you think something so horrible about yourself? You are so, so beautiful... All of you is so beautiful...”, I whispered, carefully taking a few steps towards him.

“How can you say that? I-I'm ugly...”, he whispered so quiet I was just barley able to understand him.

I couldn't believe he really thought that. Why hadn't I noticed anything until now? His reaction was so... extreme. This must have been on his mind for some time now.

“Alexander... please never think something like that again. You are the most beautiful person I've ever met... you are my angel... I love you so much Alexander.”, I told him and slowly moved towards him, carefully watching his reaction. When he didn't flinch away this time, I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into a tight hug.

“You are so strong, so beautiful”, I whispered into his ear. “I never thought you were ugly and I never will. And about your scars? They are just battle scars. We all have them, they show what you have been through.”, I whispered into his ear, desperate to show him how much I loved him.

“No.”, He said and tried to pull away. “They aren't all battle scares. Not the ones were my runes have been once. They just show that I'm nothing. I'm not a shadowhunter like my family, I'm not a downworlder like you, I'm not even a mundane like my friends, I'm nothing Magnus!”

“Yes they are.”, I told him and tightened my grip around him. “They tell your story, the story of the bravest, kindest, strongest, most beautiful person I ever had the pleasure to meet. And you don't need to be a downworlder, shadowhunter or mundane. You are just Alexander Lightwood, my Alexander and that's what I love you for.”

“You... you won't break up with me?”, he asked in a small, unsure voice.

“Of course I won't. I love you so much Alexander, I could never leave you.”, I said and pressed my lips to his forehead.

“And you are not mad at me for lying to you?”

“You never had anything to be ashamed of, so you never lied to me.”

He turned his head to look at me. His big blue eyes were filled with tears, but they were still unbelievable beautiful.

“I love you Magnus. Can... Can you take me home now? Please?”

“Of course darling. Don't worry, I'm here now. I'll take care of you.”, I said and created a portal. I pulled him through it and we both lay down on the couch. I let his head rest on my chest and whispered sweet nothings into his ear.

“Magnus?”, Alec said after he had calmed down a bit. “I... I'm sorry for yesterday... I got a bit detracted and then... I shouldn't have pushed you to the ground like that. I know I could have told you to stop, but when I realized what you were doing I was so scared...”

“Oh Alexander... Why were you so scared?”

“I thought you would leave me and... I... I just didn't want to loose you... sorry for worring you.”, he muttered and looked away.

“Oh Alexander...”, I repeated, “You won't ever loose me.”

We didn't said anything for a few moments, but then I made a decision.

“Alexander, darling, could you please stand up for me?”

He got up and looked at me, confusion written all over his face.

“Good. And now take your shirt of, will you?”, I asked, squeezing his hand reassuring.

“What? Why? Magnus, I really don't want to.”, Alec said and tried to pull his hand away, but I didn't let him.

“Alexander, please trust me. I would never do anything to hurt you. And now please take your shirt of.”

“O-okay.”, he said in a shaking voice and pulled his sweater and his shirt over his head. It took everything I had to not look down or reach out to touch him.

“Good, really good. And now close your eyes darling.”

 

 **Summary:** Magnus is worried about Alec. He goes to his school to pick him up and accidentally walks in on him changing. Alec freaks out, because he thinks he is ugly and Magnus might want to break up with him after seeing him shirtless. Magnus calms him down and takes him home. Suddenly Magnus wants Alec to take his shirt off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...? What do you think about this chapter? Why would Magnus want Alec to undress? What is he planing to do? Please tell me your opinion!!!  
> Thanks for reading❤ ❤ ❤


	35. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Why wanted Magnus Alec to take his shirt off?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FUCK!!! Sorry about the swearing, but it is past 4:45 am and I have to get up in less than two hours!!! This was supposed to be a lot shorter. I was planning on splitting it, but I just felt inspired and well... Please just kill me.

**Alec**

“Open your eyes baby...”, Magnus whispered into my ear.

I did as I was told and immediately flinched back and turned around.

“Magnus, what are you doing? I don't want this!”

“It's okay darling, please trust me.”, he said and lay a hand on my shoulder, but I pulled away.

“Magnus, I-I don't like this. You said you'd never forced me to do anything I don't want...”

“It's okay angel. I promise you it'll be just fine. Now please...”

“But I don't want this! Please stop Magnus. I... I'm sorry, but I just can't do this. I can't do this with you.”, I interrupted him, now slightly shaking.

“Alexander... You now I would never do anything to hurt or upset you, but please let's try this together. Please trust me...”, Magnus said, sounding so sad that I couldn't help but follow his lead.

Slowly I turned around to face the big mirror he had placed in front of me. I could just barley manage to not jump back, away from my own reflection.

“You are so strong Alec. Thank you for trusting me. And now tell me, what do you see? What is the first thing you notice?”. Magnus said and wrapped his arms around my waist, but for some reason he didn't appear in the mirror. There was just _me._

“I-I don't know... I... I'm pale... I look so... strange... and there are all these scars... they look so...” I wanted to say ugly, but I knew it would make Magnus sad, but he looked like he knew what I was thinking anyways.

“Do you want to know what I see?”, he whispered into my hair and pulled me a bit closer.

“It's a mirror Magnus. You see the same thing. _Me..._ ”, I answered, even though I knew I wasn't supposed to response to his question. I couldn't see his face, but I felt Magnus flinch at the way I said _me._ He probably thought I was crazy.

“You are right, you are pale.”, Magnus said and I squeezed my eyes shut, unable to look at my reflection, not for a second longer.

“Your skin is like porcelain... so pure... And your scars? If I don't concentrate on them, I don't really notice them. My eyes get to distracted by all these muscles... You have such a nice body Alexander... You are trained, but not too much... You are perfect... so sexy... But yes, I can see your scars. Now that they are all healed and just silver lines you look a bit like a diamond, you know? My precious Alexander...”

I just kept quite for a few moments after he had finished. His words sounded so honest, I slowly started to believe them and it scared me. Was that really what he saw when he looked at me? But what could be good about being this pale? And weren't my scars disturbing him when he tried to have a look at my body?

As if he had heard what I just thought Magnus started to whisper into my ear and kissed along my neck. “One day I'll trace all your scars with my tongue and suck some bruises into your soft skin... everywhere, not just your neck. You would look so good covered in my marks... so dark against your pale skin... One day you'll look at your own reflection and won't be able to think about your scars anymore, because all you'll see when you look at yourself will be the bruises I left and all you can think about will be how good it felt when my mouth was on your skin... kissing you and leaving marks... making you mine... showing you just how beautiful you are.”

“M-Magnus”, I whispered and blushed furiously. Magnus had joked around before, made some comments and gave me a wink or let something slip while making out, but he had never talked like this to me and suddenly the room felt really hot, though I was already shirtless.

“I love to make you blush.”, he continued, voice still husky and really sexy. “No other shadowhunter would ever do that, they are way to arrogant. No downworlder either, most of them are to rough for that. Maybe some mundanes would, but not like you... nobody I ever met is like you... I love you so much Alexander. I want you in every way possible, please never doubt that again. I don't just want you, I need you.”, he said, suddenly sounding really serious. He had sounded serious before too, but this was something else. I decided to ask him later about it, because right now I couldn't think about anything but how close he was and how hot his voice sounded as he whispered into my ear.

“Come on baby, open your eyes. Look at yourself. You are so pretty. Sometimes I'm worried you are too beautiful and maybe someone will come along and steal you away. It might be selfish, but I want you all to myself... my beautiful angel...”, the man behind me said and kissed the top of my head.

Still a bit unsure I opened my eyes again and looked at the other me in the mirror. First I wanted to squeeze my eyes shut again, but suddenly an image flashed through my head. God, what had Magnus done to me? Would I really look like that if I was covered in bruises he had sucked into my skin, the proofs of his love?

“That's it darling. You are so beautiful, all of you is so angelic. Come on, look at your face. What do you see?”

“I... I don't know...”, I said unsure where to start.

“You can do this Alexander. You know what I want you to do. Just tell me the first thing you notice.”, Magnus told me softly.

“I... My hair. It makes me look even paler. It's like a shadow that just swallows me. Pale skin and dark hair. There is just nothing special about me...”

“Yes, it is really dark. Such a lovely contrast against your skin... It doesn't make you fade into the shadows, it makes you shine... just like the angle you are, or maybe like a diamond. But if you are a diamond, your eyes are even more rare gems... You know I love them, right? Have I ever told you dark hair and blue eyes were my favorite combination? So perfect... You are so perfect for me...”, Magnus told me, voice now low and really sexy again.

“But you must have seen so many people like me... How can you still think my eyes are special?”, I asked frowning.

“Yes, I have seen many pairs of blue eyes... some like eyes, not just the color... some to dark, like deep caves you could get lost in, but I've never seen eyes like yours. They have such a lovely color. Cobalt. They are dark and I get lost in them all the time, but in a good way. And there is also light. These traces of ice... so beautiful. There is so much light in them and so much warmth. No matter how long I look into your eyes, I never get bored. They are the most special thing I've ever seen.”

My sight got blurry with tears, but I didn't care. “You... you really think that? Because I have been a bit worried one day you might would loose interest in me... I thought you would get bored and just find someone else, someone more interesting. I... I don't want to loose you...”, I whispered, unable to speak louder, too scared I might destroy our moment, that this might be just a dream.

“I'll never get bored of you. I know you think being you, being different, is something bad. It's the opposite. It's the best thing about you.”, he said smiling down at me. “I know there is more Alexander. I've seen it in your eyes. Your beautiful, special eyes. Look at the mirror again. What else do you see?”

“My nose.”, I said a bit calmer this time. “It's too big.”

Magnus chuckled and turned my face around so he could kiss my nose. “That's nonsense darling. You're nose is perfect for your face. You have such an amazing bone structure, you should be happy about it. Your cheekbones are so high, most people would kill for a face like yours. And your jawline is so strong, so manly, so sexy...” he trailed of and started to leave little kisses along my jaw.

“But what about... ah... my lips?”, I asked still a bit insecure but really distracted by Magnus mouth that was on my neck again.

“Your lips? What about them?”, my boyfriend asked confused.

“They... they are to big for my face... It looks strange...”, I said looking away, a bit embarrassed how much of me I showed him today.

“Oh Alexander... why would you ever think something like that? Your lips are so erotic... They don't look strange, they look like they are begging to be kissed...”, Magnus whispered in a really, really sexy voice and I had to bit my lower lip to hold back a moan.

“Then do it. Please Magnus. Please kiss me...”, I whispered back and suddenly his mouth was on mine. It felt warm and safe, but there was something else too. His voice and his words had already turned me on, but the way he was holding me, gentile but firm, pressed against his warm body, made me hard in no time. I had waited so long for doing something more than just making out, taking the next step, whatever that might mean.

“Magnus.”, I panted against his lips. “Magnus I want you. Please...”

Suddenly the arms around me were gone and Magnus took a few steps back. “I don't think this is a good idea Alexander.”, he said, struggling to control his heavy breathing.

“You... you don't want me? But you said...”, I trailed of, suddenly feeling exposed and insecure again. Magnus must have sensed that, because he came closer again to embrace me in a tight hug.

“I know how what I said might have sounded to you, but you don't owe me anything. I didn't want you to feel like you are forced to do anything like that. I'm sorry angel.”

“But I don't feel like that! I _want_ this Magnus. I want you.”

“Alexander... I know this situation is really overwhelming for you, but I know you hadn't been ready before. You should think about it some more. If you feel the same in a week or maybe in two...”

“But I am ready and I have been for a long time!”, I interrupted him. “I was ready, I just couldn't do anything about it, because I didn't want to loose you!”

“Oh Alexander... Are you sure you want to do this with me?”, he asked suddenly sounding even more unsure. “It's supposed to be about trust and not even two hours ago you thought I was going to break up with you.”

“Magnus... That had nothing to do with you. I trusted you. I still trust you, of course. It was me I had a problem with. There is now way I would have told someone else what I just told you. And it's not like I want to go all the way just yet, but I want... I don't know... I want to do something. Try things. With you.”

“Okay...”, he said slowly. “If you really want this, we can try some things out.”

 

 **Summary:** Magnus shows Alec his own reflection and they discuss his insecurities. Alec just deserves someone who tells him how beautiful he is. When Alec feels better, he tells Magnus he wants to take the next step in their relationship. Magnus isn't so sure about it, but after Alec assures him that he is ready, Magnus agrees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I am really sorry about the first part. Some of you might have thought horrible things about Magnus. So sorry!  
> So... the sex step? How do I even write smut???? At least I'll have some fun on my Monday xD  
> What do you think about this? Please tell, I'd love to know your opinion!  
> Thanks for reading, you are amazing❤ ❤ ❤❤ ❤ ❤❤ ❤ ❤


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec and Magnus try something new ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SORRY!!!! I know it's been a while since my last update, but I had been really busy and this chapter is about four times as long as most of my other ones and I didn't want to split it.  
> This is absolutely unimportant for the plot, but it's not just smut. There are a lot of interruptions for talking, because they need to take their time. Maybe I will write chapters that focus a bit more on the smut in the future, but right now they need to take it slow.  
> Enjoy reading! :)

**Alec**

Magnus leaned in and kissed me so soft and gentile my heart melted in my chest.

“Alexander... I love you, I'll take care of you”, he told me and took my hand in his. He led me to the bedroom and I could feel myself get nervous, I was almost a bit scared. I didn't know exactly what was going to happen next, but I really wanted to find out. With anyone else I would have probably freaked out, but when I looked at Magnus I knew I was safe. He would guide me through this, show me what to do and make sure nothing happens to me.

When we were in front of the bed he slowly sat down and pulled me down next to him. He kissed me again, but after a few seconds he pulled away again.

“Alexander, before we do this you have to promise me something.”

“What are you talking about?”, I asked confused. Why was he looking so serious? Had I already managed to do something wrong?

“Promise me to be honest with me. If you want to stop, if something doesn't feel right or if you just want to slow down a bit, tell me. I know you know I will stop. If something you wanted first doesn't feel the way you expected, we don't have to continue. No matter at which point, even if we are in the middle of something, we can stop. We can try something else or just cuddle for the rest of the day. I know you always try to make others happy before you do what you want and need, but this has to be about you. No matter what happens, you will never disappoint me and it will change nothing about our relationship. Alexander, please just promise me to tell me the truth and put yourself first for once. Please promise me that.”

“O-Okay Magnus. I will. And now please kiss me.”, I nodded.

Magnus smirked and leaned in again. First the kiss was soft and slow, like the other two we shared before, but then it turned into something else. I let my hands sink into his silky hair and tucked it a bit, earning a moan from Magnus. I eagerly opened my lips when I felt something wet traced my bottom lip. He immediately slipped his hot tongue into my mouth and I moaned as well when it met mine.

Suddenly I realized that Magnus wasn't touching me at all. I pressed myself against him to show him I really wanted this and one of his hands slowly started to travel up and down my back. His warm hand felt so fantastic against my skin, I just wanted him to touch all of me. I wanted too feel his touch all over my body, taking the tension away.

After a few moments a second hand started to rub my bicep and Magnus started to leave soft kisses as he traveled over my chin and jaw down my neck. He started to suck at my pulse point and my hands found their way into his hair again. We both moaned in union and suddenly a strong want overtook me.

“Magnus, can I... uhm...”, I started a bit embarrassed.

Immediately he pulled back to look directly into my eyes. His pupils were blown wide with lust and his gaze dropped down to my naked torso. He looked at me with a hunger I've never seen before and I suddenly felt like I was going to burst if we wouldn't get further soon.

After a few moments he looked back up at my face and his gaze softened, showing me that no matter how turned on he was he never stopped loving and caring for me as well.

“Whatever you want Alexander. You just have to ask.”, he whispered in that husky voice he had used earlier when we were standing in front of the mirror.

“Can I... Can I take your shirt off?”, I asked and he nodded, smiling at me.

I lifted his tight shirt and pulled it over his head. Slowly, inch by inch the golden skin beneath it was shown and I could help but stare. I had seen him shirtless before, but I never had allowed myself too really have a look, not like this. Not while I knew he was watching me, watching him. Not in a situation like this. Magnus had shown me his body several times to tease me a bit or when we were just sleeping, but we never had really touched or made out when he was in this state of undressnes. I guess he had sensed that that would have made me uncomfortable, even if it would have been because of my own insecurities and not because of him.

Magnus had such a perfect body and I was allowed to see it. Only me. I could finally really look at him and... I raised a hand, my heart starting to beat faster and faster. I wanted to feel his soft skin under my fingertips and press my hands into his hard muscles when he moved. Just before my trembling fingers could brush against his toned chest I stopped to look up at Magnus. I wasn't exactly sure if I was supposed to just sit there and touch his torso without doing anything else and if Magnus would allow me to do so.

My eyes met his and my quick breathing calmed down a bit. Magnus would just tell me. It was going to be alright, even if I felt a bit embarrassed at the moment.

“Go ahead Alexander, you can touch me. Take your time, explore a bit. It's okay.”, he said lovingly, but still with this hunger in his eyes. I blushed when I realized that he _wanted_ to be watched and touched by me and I quickly looked down again.

My hands traveled down from his shoulders to his biceps. Suddenly I realized how strong he was and couldn't imagine him hovering over me, pinning me down, or maybe lifting me up and press me against a wall. I bit my lip to hold back a moan and tried to calm down a bit. Letting my thoughts go in that direction had made me even more nervous. I was so gad I was doing this with Magnus and not with someone else. Everything was so new and scary but I still felt save.

I pressed one of my hands against his chest and smiled when I could feel his strong, rhythmic and rather fast heartbeat. A nice reminder that he was exited as well and had waited for this probably just as impatient as me.

I slowly let my hands slide down over his chest to his spectacular abs. I could feel his muscles flex as I let my fingertips wander over them a couple of times and wondered how it would be like to kiss and lick them.

His dick was obviously hard in his pants and I was suddenly really proud I had done this to him. He was hard for me. He wanted me in a way I had feared he could never want me and was already so worked up, even if I hadn't touched him yet or made any contact with his groin at all.

I wanted to do something about it, but I wasn't sure what exactly and was way to nervous too. Soon, but not right now I decided. Magnus had promised we could go slow.

My hands wandered back to his chest and when my palms rubbed over his nipples he suddenly tensed a bit and his breathing that had slightly quickened since I'd taken his shirt off stopped for a moment.

First I wanted to apologize, because I thought I must have done something wrong to cause this reaction, but when I looked up at him he didn't looked angry or unhappy. He looked... I couldn't really describe it.

Experimentally I let my thumb brush over his right nipple and he... he purred. Now his warlock mark suddenly made much more sense to me.

I tried to relax a bit and just accept the new and really nice situation. I knew Magnus had been watching me carefully the whole time, so I didn't need to get his attention to make him look at me before I leaned in and pressed my lips to his. My hands started to freely travel all over his naked torso and I let the moans I had been holding back finally escape when I felt his hot tongue enter my mouth.

“You can... You can do the same... touch me and all...”, I told him and immediately his hands moved from my biceps to my stomach. One of his hands slide up to my chest. Suddenly his thumb started to play with one of my nipples. A wave of pleasure rolled through my body. I let out a high pitched moan and arched into his touch. I couldn't help it, he touching and taking care of me felt just so good.

“Fuck Alexander, you are so sensitive.”, Magnus groaned and buried his face in the crock of my neck.

“Is... Is that a bad thing?”, I asked panting a bit, confused about the whole thing. “Why are we reacting so different to that? For you it wasn't like that. You seemed to like it though...”

“Yes I did, but you are right, it's not the same for me. Everyone reacts different to certain things. Please don't worry, we have more than enough time to find out what feels good for you and what doesn't. And just so you know, you moaning at my touch isn't a bad thing at all. It's hot.”, he told me with a wink.

“T-Thank you.”, I said smiling a bit and shyly biting my lip. “Thank you for being so patient and gentile. I know you are worried something could go wrong or you could make me uncomfortable. You told me I could ask you if I wanted to try something and I want you to do the same. Don't be scared I'll freak out or something. I trust you.”

“Oh Alexander.”, Magnus said softly and then his eyes dropped to my lips and he groned loudly. “Fuck Alec, you're driving me crazy you know? I can't believe you don't know how sexy you are. You look so delicious right now. Messed up hair, flushed, _shirtless..._ I have been waiting for such a long time to finally see you like this and I'm not disappointed. You really look like an angel... my angel. And your lips! How can you not know what you are doing to me right in this second? Every time you bit in those divine, full lips I can barley control myself, wishing I was the one who is doing that to you.”, Magnus said, his hands slowly sliding down my back, finding my butt and pulling me closer. I moaned at his actions and his words and hungrily attacked his lips. He started to squeeze my ass and I moaned again, pressing myself closer to him and griping his biceps tightly. Oh wow, I really had a thing for his muscular arms and I never had thought my cheeks could be so sensitive. From the way he touched me I could tell he liked this just as much as me. I was kind of glad we fit together this well and had already found something we both liked. It wasn't much, but maybe that meant there were other things we both liked. That would make this a lot easier.

Suddenly I was laying on my back, Magnus on top of me. He gave my bottom lip a last sharp nip and then pulled back to look down at me.

“Is this okay?”, he asked, sounding a lot more relaxed than he did earlier when he was asking questions like this.

I couldn't speak for a few moments, because yes, this was absolutely okay. Magnus was hovering over me, his cat eyes filled with want and his body pressing down on mine. Not so heavy that it felt like he was crushing me, but enough to feel him, and it was so good to have him on top of me like this.

“Alexander?”, Magnus asked when I kept staring at him with wide eyes. He shifted a bit and, causing the bulge in his pants to rub against my clothed cock and I threw my had back with a loud moan.

“Yes... It's okay... More than okay...”, I said and pressed up against him.

Suddenly the worry in Magnus eyes was gone and a grin formed on his face. “Is that so Alexander?”, he asked and suddenly he was palming me through my pants and I closed my eyes, letting the pleasure wash over me.

“Look at you darling. Already so hard for me. I dreamed about seeing you like this, you know? But it was nothing compared to the real thing. You are so beautiful.”, he said and I bushed furiously. I was pretty embarrassed about the whole situation, but hearing him say this felt so fucking good. I liked the thought of him thinking about this way, even dreaming of me and it made me feel a lot better about myself.

“You... really? Did you really thought about this? Did you... I mean... It has been a long time. When you thought of me, did you...?”, I said, unable to finish my question.

“Alexander! Are you asking if I touched myself imagining you were with me, moaning at my touch, looking just the way you do right now?”, Magnus asked in a low voice and suddenly I felt even more embarrassed.

“I... I... uh... It's just... I... Fuck sorry. I just...”, I stammered, looking away and wishing I had never said anything.

“Hey, Alexander. Please look at me. I'm sorry, I know you are nervous. You don't have to be ashamed of this. And just to inform you, yes, I did. I love you and even when I just met you, before we were at that point of our relationship, I already thought you were the most beautiful, sexiest person I've ever seen.”, Magnus told me and I frowned at him.

“Magnus... Did you just blush?”, I asked and he turned even redder.

“I... well... Maybe?”

I grinned and kissed him again. His tongue started to explore my mouth again and his hand griped my ass a bit more firmly. Our groins rubbed together and my pants started to feel really uncomfortable. I removed my hands from Magnus biceps and let them slide down to his belt.

Was I really going to open his pants? Take them completely off? And mine too? What would he look like? I had never seen anyone's dick but my own. What exactly was going happened after we took our clothes off? What was I supposed to do? What did he expect?

I looked up when suddenly a hand caught my wrist. “Is something wrong?”, I asked, unsure why he was stopping me.

“Alexander, you are shaking.”, Magnus told me softly.

“I... Really? I'm sorry.”

“Darling, please stop apologizing. Just tell me what's wrong, will you?”

“I'm not sure.”, I told him honestly. “I didn't even realized I was shaking. I... I'm just so nervous. I don't know anything about this. It's just... no matter how much I want this, I just don't know what I am supposed to do. I think to much and just get nervous. I feel a bit lost.”

Magnus nodded and smiled at me. “Okay, I understand. Thank you for telling me, but do you know why this didn't happen earlier? Before you moved your hand you seemed to be really enjoying this.”

“I was.”, I said looking at him and thinking about his words. “I think it is because I didn't have to think about what I was doing. You know what to do, so I could just relax and enjoy it.”

“Hmm”, Magnus hummed. “I wanted to let you try things on your own and explore a bit, but now I see that that's not the right way. If you want to, I will guide you, make the decisions. Of course you will still be in control and what we do will be up to you, but you won't have to think too much. What do you say?”

I thought about it and realized that it could work. I trusted Magnus and had no problem with him taking the lead.

“Okay, I think that's a good idea. You can show me how this works, so next time I'll be a bit better prepared.”

Suddenly Magnus weight was gone and he was standing at the end of the bed. I stared at him with wide eyes when he slowly opened his belt and let his pants drop. I couldn't tear my gaze away from his tight, purple briefs. There was a small wet spot in the front and they didn't left much to the imagination.

“I believe this is what you wanted, isn't it Alexander?”, he asked playfully, but I knew it was a serious question. I only nodded wordless, still staring at his body.

Magnus stepped closer and rested his fingertips on my belt. “Do you want me to take these off? They look a bit tight.”

I turned red again, but nodded. Slowly, his eyes never leaving mine Magnus opened first my belt and than my pants. When he dragged my zipper down his fingers brushed against my erection and I let out a low moan.

“Lift your hips for me baby.”, Magnus whispered into my ear and I did as I was told.

After he slid my pants all the way down and pulled them off he crawled back on top off me.

“Magnus?”

“Yes angel?”

“I still don't know what will happen next.”

He smiled and kissed me softly. “That's up to us darling, though I would like to make a suggestion.”

“What... What is it?”, I asked, suddenly really nervous again.

“Do you want me to suck you off? You can say no, I won't be offended.”, Magnus asked and my hitched in my throat.

“You want to...? Really? I... Oh fuck. Please Magnus, please do it. Oh fuck.”, I rambled nodding my head enthusiastic.

Magnus chuckled and bent down to kiss me. “As you wish.”

His lips left mine and traveled down to my neck. He started sucking at that special spot that drove me absolutely crazy. I could feel him smirk against my neck when I let out a loud moan. I let my hands sink into his hair and tucked it, causing him to moan as well. I smiled proudly. Magnus wasn't the only one who learned some things in the last five months.

Magnus slid a bit lower and begun to cover my whole chest in little kisses. Suddenly I realized how close his face was to my body. This couldn't be pleasurable for him, right?

I felt so uncomfortable with the whole situation that I wanted to tell him to stop, but before I could say something he did something I hadn't expected. My hands fell to my sides and I couldn't do anything but stare down at him. He moved from the long battle scar across my chest he had just kissed to one of my rune scars that was covering my rips. I gasped when he licked the raised skin, following it's form.

“Magnus...”, I breathed out, unable to find the right words to describe what I felt in that very moment.

“Did you thought I forgot my promise? You are so beautiful angel and I'll make you see it. I'll make you unable to see your scars, because you can't look at anything but this”, Magnus said and let his teeth sink into my skin. Not hard enough to draw blood or to hurt me, but enough to make sure he would leave a mark. Okay, maybe it hurt a little, but fuck, it felt amazing.

Magnus looked up at me, the question in his eyes clear.

“Yes Magnus, please continue. I... God, Magnus I love you so much.”

Magnus smiled at me, but then his soft expression turned into a smirk. He bent down again and started to bite my chest and suck marks into my skin. He kissed and licked my scars until I was a moaning mess beneath him.

Suddenly his mouth closed around one of my nipples and the touch went straight to my dick. I ached up into his touch and let out a high pitched moan.

“The sounds you make Alexander... So much better than I had imagined it.”, Magnus purred, before he gave my nipple a last sharp nip before he slit further down my body.

The first thing he did was giving my faded parabatai rune a gentile kiss and smiling up at me. My eyes filled with tears and I smiled back at him. Never before I had felt so loved and accepted.

Magnus started to lick my abs and actually moaned when he pulled away.

“I've been waiting to do this since the first time I saw you in a tight shirt that showed off this piece of art.”, he told me and slid even lower to suck a mark into my left hipbone. When he moved, his chest rubbed against my rock hard cock and I pressed myself against him, desperate for any kind of friction.

I looked down and noticed that a strip of my pre-cum that had been soaking through my boxers was shimmering on the golden skin of his chest. By the angel, why was everything he did so goddamn hot?

“Alexander? Can I take these off?”, Magnus asked and hooked his fingers under the hem of my boxers.

“Wait! Can... can you give me a second? Please?”, I asked blushing. I had totally forgotten what he had been planing to do.

“Of course darling, take your time.”, Magnus said and sat down at the end of the bed.

I rested my head on the pillows and took a deep breath. So much happened today, it was a bit overwhelming. Only a few hour ago I had had a complete breakdown, thinking Magnus was going to leave me. I hadn't even been able to take my shirt off in front of him and now he was going to see my dick and even touch it with his mouth? That was a lot to get used to.

“Okay”, I said after a couple of minutes. “I think I'm okay now. Go ahead.”

“Are you sure? We can stop or do something else.”

“No. I want this, it's just... It's all so new. Not just what we are doing right now, but also this feeling. I feel so... safe. I guess I'll need some time to get used to it.”, I told him, unable to really explain all my feelings, but he seemed to understand anyway.

He looked at me a last time to make sure I was really ready and then slowly pulled my boxers down. I blushed violently when I noticed the way he was staring at my naked body.

“God Alexander... You truly are beautiful, every part of you. You look so good right now, laying in our bed, trusting me with this part of you and presenting yourself to me.”

“Magnus... please”, I moaned and he gently massaged my tights before he parted them to slit between my legs.

When he dragged his tongue along the underside of my dick I fisted my hands in the sheets and through my head back. This was the first time anyone but myself had touched my unclothed cock. Magnus firmly took me in his hand and started to stroke me slowly. Then he bent down to kiss the tip and circle the head with his tongue.

“So delicious Alexander.”, he purred and licked my pre-cum off his lips.

“Pl- ah... oh fuck... Please Magnus.”, I whimpered and my hands found his hair.

I closed my eyes and bit down on my own lip as he took the tip in his mouth and started to suck. It felt so good I could barley breath. He pulled back with an obscene 'pop' sound and when I looked down I saw him grinning up at me. He reached down to massage my balls with one of his hand while the other pressed down onto my hip to hold me in place. Without his eyes leaving mine he sunk down on my dick until his nose was pressed into my public hair. I couldn't tear my eyes away from him when my member disappeared into his perfect mouth. He looked so hot, lips swollen and stretched around me. Even when it hit the back of his throat he didn't stop.

After I was fully settled in his hot, wet mouth he stayed like this for a couple of seconds and only pulled up to take a deep breath through his nose before he sunk down again. He started to bob his head up and down and when I tucked his hair he actually moaned around my dick.

That was all it took. An intense wave of pleasure traveled through my body and I could barley shoot out a warning before I came with a strange cry. I had closed my eyes and when I looked down I saw Magnus staring right into my eyes while he swallowed before he licked his lips clean. Fuck. Did he really just did that? He looked so hot doing that, that I totally forgot being embarrassed about not lasting very long.

“Enjoyed yourself darling?”, he asked and grinned at me.

“By the Angel... Magnus... That was... You are amazing...”, I told him and cubed his face.

“Thank you darling.”, he smiled and crawled back on top of me. I could feel his still hard cock being pressed against my leg and blushed.

“Oh... Do you... do you want me to... you know... do the same for you?”, I asked, not able to look him in the eyes.

“No darling, you don't have to do anything. This night is all about you, I can take care of it myself.”, he said and gave me a short kiss.

I relaxed a bit. The thought of sucking Magnus off wasn't unpleasant and I wanted to try that soon, but right now? I wasn't sure if I could have handled that. Him taking the lead had made me forgot about my worries for some time, but I didn't have the courage to do something like that after everything what happened today.

“Okay, I'll... uhm... go to the bathroom then.”, Magnus muttered and I noticed that he was actually blushing.

“Wait....”, I said and gripped his biceps when he tried to roll off me. “Can I... Can I touch you?”, I asked blushing just as much as he did.

His eyes widened at my words. “Are you sure? You don't have to.”

“I know Magnus. I... I... I want to.”, I stammered and looked down.

I had expected him to tease me, maybe try to cheer me up, say something smooth and grin at me, but he didn't do anything of that.

“Fuck! Are you sure? Oh god. Yes Alexander, of course you can.”, Magnus said, sounding more like I had earlier than his usual self.

“Can you... uhm... can you stand up... You need to... your underwear...”, I said, hoping he would understand.

Magnus immediately got up and slowly begun to pull his briefs down. They were already soaked with pre-cum and he moaned a bit when the fabric rubbed against his erection.

My mouth suddenly became really dry when I finally saw him naked. He was a bit shorter than me, but thicker. His dick was a bit darker than the rest of him but the skin still looked like it was made of gold. The tip was wet with pre-cum and some strong veins traveled up and down his length.

“Like what you see?”, Magnus asked, sounding like his usual, teasing self again. I nodded without tearing my gaze away and he crawled back on top of me.

I shook a bit when I took him in my hand. He felt thick and heavy, his skin smooth against my palm but still hard. Experimentally I let my thumb travel over his head and he moaned into my ear.

“Yes darling, just like that. You are doing so well.” His praise encouraged me quite a bit and I started to stroke him.

“Come on Alexander, don't be so shy. You can grip me a bit tighter.”

I did as he was told and earned a low moan. “Yes, just like that... so good...”

I tilted my head upwards to suck on his collarbone and let my other hand sink into sweaty hair while I speed up my pace.

“Fuck Alec... Don't stop... I'm so close...”, Magnus whimpered and I moved my hand even faster. I could feel him pulsating in my hand and the feeling made me moan as well.

Suddenly Magnus threw his head back with the loudest moan he ever made and I felt a hot liquid hit my skin before he collapsed on top of me.

“That... that was amazing Alexander.”, he told me and rolled off me.

“Really? It... it was good for you?”, I asked to make sure I hadn't messed up.

“Really good...”, he responded. “Way better then masturbating in the bathroom.”

I blushed and then looked down at me and realized that I was still naked and covered in his cum. The thought that I had him on me was pretty hot, but the whole situation still made me nervous.

Magnus noticed my gaze and clicked his fingers to let the mess disappear before he pulled a blanket over us and me against his chest.

“Sorry for that baby. Feel better now?”, he asked and started playing with the hair at the nape of my neck.

“Yes. And you don't have to apologize. You didn't make me uncomfortable by... you know...”, I told him, my cheeks heating up again.

“Hmm”, Magnus hummed. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I feel amazing. Thanks Magnus.”

“You don't have to thank me darling, I enjoyed it just as much as you did.”, he said and kissed my forehead.

“I'm not thanking you for what you did, I'm thanking you for the way you did it. You are always so gentile and patient. You treat me with so much love and respect... I know you try to make me feel save and comfortable with this and I need you to know that it is working. I'm really happy right now. Thank you.”

“Oh Alexander... I love you so much. And you are sure you don't need to talk about anything?”

“I'm sure. Can we just cuddle a bit?”, I asked and blushed again.

“Of course Alexander. Whatever you want.”, Magnus told me and pulled me a bit closer.

“Magnus?”, I said after a few minutes.

“Yes angel?”

“I love you. So much.”

“I love you too Alexander”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the smut didn't suck, this was my first time writing something like this. blushed so much! xD  
> Are they finally happy now? What do you think about this scene? PLEASE TELL ME!  
> Thanks for reading❤ ❤ ❤


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I know it took me some time AGAIN and I'm really sorry. I was on vacation with my family and then school's been a bitch. Sorry!  
> Enjoy! :)

**Magnus**

I woke up in a comfortable and soft bed, a warm body pressed against mine. When I opened my eyes the first thing I saw was Alexander's peaceful sleeping face that was illuminated by the sunlight that was dancing through the room, softened up by the thin curtains. I kissed his head and pulled him closer against my chest. This was the perfect way to wake up.

Much better than waking up alone in an empty, cold and far to big bed. Somehow the fact that Alexander was with me, even if he was just laying next to me, made me unable to think about anything but my own happiness and smoothed away the pain of hundreds of years that was making my heart heavy.

With Alexander it felt so light I believed I could fly all the way up to the sun that was gently kissing his soft skin, but felt grounded at the same time. For the last few decades I had felt like everything was spinning around me, like I had no aim. With Alexander everything was clear, but my mind was still clouded by my love for the boy. It was like the future was all lay out in front of my eyes, but the darkness faded away, unable to survive in the light that Alexander Lightwood was. Like his beauty drew me in and directed me, but also blinded me at the same time.

I let my hand travel up and down Alec's naked back and sighed happily.

Wait... his naked back? Why was he... Oh. Right. Did last night really happen? Had this beautiful, amazing boy really allowed me to take him to my bed? Did we really did all those things together? Before yesterday I hadn't dreamed of finally getting what I desired any time soon. I knew I had to be patient with my innocent and scared Alexander.

I might be glad about getting off and really, really happy me and Alexander had shared a those beautiful moments, but that was nothing compared to the relieve that nothing had gone wrong. That I still had him.

I had been so scared maybe I would upset him somehow or he would realize this was to much for him and leave me. Especially after what had happened before he had told me he was ready I hadn't been so sure if it was really a good idea for us to make such a big step when he was inthat state of mind, but I had been too caught up in my own emotions to stop it from happening.

What if Alexander wasn't alright? He had said he was happy afterward, but maybe that had changed now he had calmed down and could think clearly? Had I done the wrong thing by giving him what he wanted? Had I let the one down I loved the most?

And then there were all those things he had said about himself... How could I never have noticed before how he felt. Had I really managed to make it better? Or had I made it worse by pushing him into a new and confusing situation?

Alexander had looked so uncomfortable, vulnerable, scared and in desperate need to cover up when I walked in on him being shirtless. Just shirtless. And what had I done in response to that? I had exposed him even more, in a way he had never been before.

“Magnus...? 'something wrong?”, asked a sleepy voice next to my ear. I turned my head a bit to look at Alexander and got lost in his beautiful blue eyes once again. I didn't know what I would do if I had really hurt this beautiful boy.

“Darling, did I wake you up?”

“No. I woke up to cuddling with my boyfriend, just before you suddenly tensed up. Everything okay?”

“Alec... Alexander... Are you okay?”, I asked, trying to sound as soft as possible.

“Yes? Why wouldn't I be okay?”, my angel asked confused.

“Because of what happened yesterday.”

“What... Oh.”, Alec said and turned red. “You mean because... because we... took the next step. It... It was fantastic Magnus. I... I... I really liked it. All of it. And I meant what I said before we fell asleep. You... you are really good to me, you know? I love you.”

“I love you too.”, I said relieved, though I still wasn't sure if he still felt the same way about himself and his body, but I decided to not ask him right now.

“I... I am really happy Magnus. Everything is perfect.”

“Are you sure there is nothing you need darling?”, I asked him and kissed his forehead.

“No. Everything is...”, he started saying before a loud noise interrupted him.

“Okay, maybe I'm a bit hungry.”, he laughed, blushed a bit and looked down at his stomach.

“Stay here, I'll cook you breakfast.”, I told him and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

“Magnus, you don't have to do anything. I'll just...”

“No.”, I said and kissed him on the lips this time. “You are my boyfriend and I want to cook you breakfast.” With that I got up and went to grab some boxers. I could feel Alexanders gaze on my still completely naked body, but I didn't mind, not at all.

After I prepared us some eggs with beacon, a plate of pancakes, toast with butter and some orange juice I went back to the bedroom, but Alexander wasn't in our bed anymore. I set the plate down and let my gaze wander through the room, searching for my missing boyfriend.

His pants were still laying on the floor, but his boxers were gone. I turned around to the open bathroom door and froze when I spotted Alexander, who was staring at me, only in his underwear and with tears streaming down his face.

“Alec! Darling what happened?”, I asked, to scared to come closer.

“You... you promised and... it... I... it really worked.”

“Alexander? What are you talking about?”

“It's... I mean... I still don't like it, but... you... you made it better.”, Alec sobbed.

“Darling, please explain me what is going on, will you?”

“You said I would fee better and... I don't know. I kind of do. A bit.”, he said and smiled at me. Then he turned around again and I suddenly realized he was standing in front of the mirror.

Alexander raised a hand, pressed his finger against one of the many dark bruises I had left all over his chest and hissed a bit.

“Oh Baby, did I hurt you? I'm so sorry, I didn't meant to!”, I gasped horrified, but Alexander still smiled.

“You... you really like me, right? This.”, he said and gestured to the mirror. “You have to, right? Otherwise you wouldn't have done this. You've been right, you know? I... I still don't like this, but... at least I don't see the scars anymore. You covered them all up.”

When he mentioned his scars I finally understood what he was talking about and let out a quiet sob.

“I... You... You have to like this. You have to really think all those things you said about me, or you wouldn't have done this, right? You really think I'm beautiful?”, he asked, staring at me and not his own reflection anymore and instead of an answer I stepped forward and wrapped my arms around him. Maybe I had done something right after all.

 

 **Summary:** Magnus wakes up next to Alec the morning after they took the next step. First he is really happy, but then he suddenly starts to worry that maybe he didn't do the right thing the night before. Alec assures him that he is alright. Magnus goes to the kitchen to get them some breakfast and when he comes back he finds Alec crying in front of the mirror. Magnus is really confused and scared, but Alec explains him that he is happy because he is happier with himself now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, once again pretty emotional. How did you like it? Please tell!!!  
> Thanks for reading!!! :)


	38. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They talk a bit more about Alec's fears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating the whole weekend! Saturday I was on a school trip and Friday I tried to go to bed early because I needed to get up at 4 am the next day. 4 AM!!!!!! :(

**Alec**

After Magnus and I had eaten the breakfast he had cooked for us, both of us had taken a quick shower. Of course Magnus had decided to tease me a bit by asking if he was allowed to join me and then starting to laugh when I had blushed violently.

I had told Magnus that I would rather shower alone. It wasn't that I didn't like the idea of trying that with Magnus, not at all. Many times I had fantasied of him in this bathroom, while using the same shower, wishing he was there with me. I wanted to try that one day, but not today. So many new things had already happened last night and I just new I would fuck up if I did this now.

When Magnus had left the room I'd noticed that something else had happened... or rather hadn't happened, and it took my breath away for a second. I had been embarrassed and I wasn't ready at all... but I hadn't been scared or uncomfortable.

Usually a cold panic crawled into my chest whenever Magnus suggested doing something like that, even when I knew he was just joking. It wasn't that I didn't trust him or that Magnus made me uncomfortable in general. It was quite the opposite actually and it had been freaking the hell out of me. I had wanted, but never allowed myself to do something about it for so long that it was strange to feel so... so free all of a sudden.

Many times I had imagined being with Magnus I couldn't help but hear him yell at me for wasting his time and see disgust instead of love in his beautiful eyes. Even when I was alone and... well, enjoyed some time alone... sometimes my mind went to dark places and I felt even more ashamed of myself.

But now things had changed. I wasn't okay with everything, but it was better. At least my biggest fear was gone now. I'd had make it through my first sexual experience without loosing my boyfriend. And there would be more! Yesterday I hadn't even dared to think about it because I hadn't believed that even that first time had been happening, I still couldn't believe it to be honest, but now... Magnus seemed to be okay with me being... me. So there was going to be more, right?

More... not just sex I realized. More everything! More Magnus, maybe forever! He wasn't going to leave me, I wasn't loosing him. There was actually a chance I was allowed to be happy! All his promises he would take care of me as long as he could, would love me, only me, forever... Were they all actually true? Was I really allowed to have this?

“What are you thinking about?”, Magnus asked suddenly.

I flinched and turned my head to look at him. I had been so lost in my own thoughts that I hadn't even noticed that the water in the bathroom had stopped running. Now Magnus was standing in front of me, bare face, messy hair and bare chest.

“I... uhm... Nothing...”, I muttered, trying to cover up how emotional I felt at the moment.

“Alexander... please tell me, please trust me.”, Magnus said and he sounded so vulnerable that I couldn't help but starting to start talking. My heart broke a bit when I told him all about my past fears and he slowly sank down next to me on the bed. I hated having to put all this on him, he was already carrying the weight of so many years.

“Alexander...”, Magnus interrupted me, “How long... how long did you feel like this? How long were you holding back only because you were too scared?”

“I don't know... I think I was ready not long before I got the letter from the clave... I... I wasn't so sure if I would be good enough... but it wasn't as bad as after... you know... everything... and then I was... I didn't... I needed time, but I think maybe one month before I started going to school? I wanted and I was ready, but... I just wanted to stay with you and I knew... no, I thought I knew I would looses you if we... if I... did something about it.”, I told him, looking down at my shaking hands.

“Two months...”, he whispered sounding quite shocked.

“Yeah...”, I said lamely, “Sorry for making you wait so long. I guess you were getting a bit impatient.”, I said and sent him an apologetic look that was obliviously really needed as his eyes were suddenly filled with anger.

“Impatient? Me getting impatient?”, Magnus hissed.

“No! That's not what I meant!”, I tried to explain, scared I might had managed to offend him. That was the last thing I wanted to do, especially after everything he had done for me. “I trust you Magnus, you are the best person I know and you are treating me so good! I know it must have been hard for you, but you were so good to me! I just...”

“Hard for _me?_ Alexander, it had been _two months!_ I can't believe...”, Magnus almost yelled and jumped up. I didn't think I'd ever seen hm this angry before, or at least not at me.

“I'm sorry! I... I didn't meant to do this to you! I just... I couldn't! I know it's selfish, but I didn't want to loose you! I just wanted to be happy, but... but...” I stammered panicked. How could this be happening after everything we've been through?

“Alec, stop apologizing! I... By the Angel I can't believe this! I would rather cut my hands of than touching you when you don't like it, or don't feel ready, or, or feel like _that._ Of course I wouldn't like it too much, but if I could choose between my own dick being ripped of and loosing you, I would give it away with a big smile on my lips. I'm not angry for not getting sex! I would never yell at you for not sleeping with me! Actually I don't want to yell at you at all, but I am so angry right now! You... you were scared out of your mind and mentally tortured yourself like that for two months and you worry about me not getting off? If I get sex out of this relationship or not doesn't matter to me at all! And you shouldn't care either!” Magnus let out a frustrated sigh. When he noticed my pale face and widened eyes the fire in that endless swirls of gold lost some of it's heat and he sat down again, taking one of my hands in his and massaging my trebling fingers.

“Sorry darling. I'm just worried because I thought you've been ready for... I don't know... Maybe two weeks? You seemed really enthusiastic when we were making out the other evening. After we watched that movie I wanted to show you. I thought that was the moment, but... I just wish I had been able to help you. I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable... I could stop talking like that if it helped you...”

“No! Please don't change, I love you just the way you are. You don't make me feel uncomfortable. It's me not you.”, I assured him, now that he had stopped yelling feeling a lot calmer.

“How often have you been feeling like that without me noticing?”, Magnus asked and his gaze was so gentile it took my breath away.

“I... I don't know... Every time we were making out I had to... concentrate. I just wanted to go with it, but I was to scared. I... I was so glad you were okay with waiting for me, so I only had to stop you. That's why I got so scared after the picnic. I wanted you so much and everything... everything felt so good Magnus. I just forgot to stop you. Usually you wouldn't have touched my bare skin and usually I would have just asked you to slow down a bit, knowing you would do it immediately, but I just... forgot.”

“So last night wasn't just the first time we did more than making out, it was also the first time you really let go expect from something you didn't do on purpose and that scared you even more?”, Magnus asked, gently stroking my forearm and I just nodded shyly.

“There is more, isn't it?”, Magnus asked, so much pain showing in his beautiful cat eyes.

“I... Remember last night when you told me you... you thought of me?”, I asked blushing violently and I noticed the hint of red on my boyfriend's cheeks as well.

“I did too.”, I admitted. “Actually you've been the only one I thought of since I met you for the first time, when I... you know...”

“Really?”, Magnus asked stunned. “What about...?”

“Jace?”, I guessed.

“Well...”

“No. You, only you.”, I told him, still flushed.

“But what about it darling?”, Magnus asked after he just stared at me for a few moments.

“I... Then too. I felt like that. Not always, but sometimes when I tried to imagine you... doing things to me, or me doing things to you...”, I whispered, not believing I really told Magnus about my dirty thoughts about him. “Then sometimes it happened too...”

“Oh Alexander... But how long were you going to do this?”, he asked and suddenly a few tears were running down my cheeks.

“Oh Alexander...”, Magnus said again and pulled me into a tight hug. “You'll be okay. Everything will be okay.”

I couldn't help but let out a small laugh. “This is the first time I actually believe that, you know? I wasn't planning on fooling you forever, you know? Just until you would leave me and then...  I don't know. I wasn't planning to ever be with someone else and I thought staying with you was impossible. This is the first time I really believe there is a happy future for me. The first time I believe all your promises. I never doubted your love, but the fact that I'll keep your heart forever. You were the first one who ever made me truly happy Magnus. You showed me what love means and now you are my first hope  for a better future.

“I love you Alexander. So much.”, Magnus said and pressed is lips to mine. Yes, maybe this was really the beginning of our forever.

 

**S** **ummary:** Alec realizes how good it feels to not be scared. He tells Magnus and they talk about how Alec had felt about himself and their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, again an emotional chapter with a lot of talking. The next chapter will have a lot of fluff and some smut, because I just feel like it and they deserve it, and now that they are finally okay there will be more plot in the next chapters and a bit more of other characters. And then I'm going to break your hearts and make you all yell at me, but don't worry, you're save for now ;)  
> Thanks for reading, amazing, beautiful people out there❤ ❤ ❤ Please tell me what you think about this, I'd love to know your opinion :)


	39. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus needs comfort and love as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually wanted to write something happier today, but after watching 2x12 I decided to write something about Magnus being comforted because I really missed that in the episode. Enjoy!

** Alec **

“Okay... and what do we do now?”, I asked and Magnus raised an eyebrow at me.

“What do you mean?”

“Like... is there any reason for me to put on pants?”, I asked and rested my head against his shoulder.

“Oh darling... After what I've seen yesterday, I don't think you should wear any clothes ever again”, he said and I let out an embarrassed little laugh. It was hard to believe that he really liked my body that much, but he was still here, so I would just be grateful and not question it.

“...but I don't think so. This is our day, we can do whatever you want.”

“Yeah... but what do _you_ want? I know this all effected you too and I want you to be okay.”

“I... What?”, Magnus asked perplex. 

“Magnus... I almost died. Twice. Then I pushed you away, you must have been so worried... And yesterday... I know you've been nervous as well. You... you did so much for me. You've been so strong for me. I was completely breaking down in front of you and you took care of me... I know this all effected you too and I want to take care of as well.”

“Alexander...”, Magnus said in a strange voice before he suddenly wrapped his arms around me and hid his face in my shoulder. I didn't really know what was going on or how to react, so I just sat there and hold him close to me. I began to slowly stroke his hair and whisper sweet nothings into his hair, because that always helped and couldn't do any bad, right? After a few minutes something wet soaked through the fabric of my T-shirt and I realized that he was crying. Dammit! What had I done now?

“Baby? What's going on? Please tell me, you are scaring me...”, I whispered as gentile as possible and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding when he nodded against my shoulder.

“Remember when you asked me how I always knew what to do or say? After you got that nightmare about whatever they did to you in the Silent City?”

I shuddered. I still hadn't talked about it, to no one and I was actually a bit surprised they all had agreed to give me time, but I knew at some point he would make me talk about it.

“Remember how I just laughed and told that knowledge just comes with living so many years? Well... I lied. It's more like... I know what not to do. I try to give you, and I did that with every past lover I ever had to be honest, even with short term relationships and one night stands, I try to give people I care about what I never had. I treat casual relationships with respect and try to make them feel important, even if I make sure they know it's not love. I don't promise one night stands my heart just to get into their pants and I don't ignore them afterwards or make them feel like if the fact we had sex makes me think different or less of them. And when I fell in love I make sure my partner knows it. I would give everything I have away to give them what they need, but I do not only that, I try every day to make them smile and prove my love by little things. It' just who I am. I know how to treat you right because I know what other people needed from me and what I always missed and I don't want you to feel like that. Nobody should feel so... so alone. But you... you notice me, you really see me. You don't think it's my job to make you happy and I always have to be fine. And knowing that I could show you how being with someone is supposed to be... I just needed to make sure you are alright, but you... you give me what I always wanted but never could have... I... Thank you Alexander. Thank you for loving me the way I love you.”

After he had finished I just sat there for a couple of minutes, pressing him a bit closer to my chest, unaware of the tears that were falling down from my own eyes. I only realized that I was crying when I noticed the little drops that shimmered in Magnus damp, black hair, like the stars on a clear night sky. One of them turned into a shooting star and rolled all the way down to Magnus neck. As soon as it hit his skin his head shot up and he looked at me. His face was glittering from tears instead of make up and I wondered if it might have been like this all along and I just hadn't been aware of it.

“Alec... You are crying... I'm so sorry!”, Magnus gasped and leaned up to kiss my tears away. I just stared at him, my mouth hanging slightly open. How could anyone ever hurt this beautiful, selfless man so much? How could so, so many people take so much from him without immediately handle themselves over to this perfect, amazing person?

“Magnus, Magnus stop!”, I said as soft as possible and pushed him away.

“W-What? I... Why are you mad at me?”, Magnus asked, sounding like a scared little boy and not like the powerful, flirty High Warlock of Brooklyn.

“Magnus...”, I said and shook my head in disbelieve. “Stop taking care of me. You don't have to, I'm fine. It's my turn now. I'll tell you what is going to happen now. You'll lie down on the couch with your favorite blanket, the purple one with that weird golden strips. You know, the one we don't use that often, because it makes my skin itch. I'll cook you the tea that seems to relax you so much, the one you bought from china. Three spoons of sugar and no milk, right? And you can eat some ice cream if you like. We should have some mind chocolate chip, you always buy too much of it, just because it's your favorite sort. Seriously Magnus, you have to get more open-minded when it comes to ice cream! I get that you don't like hazelnut because you had that when that asshole tried to make you sell your loft and than insulted your outfit, just because he thought pink colored hair and suit are to much, what they totally don't are and you told that jerk of course, but what is wrong with vanilla? Whatever, I'll get you whatever you want and then I'll cuddle you and we can watch that TV show you are obsessed with, how does that sound?”

Magnus just stared at me, mouth hanging open and his eyes still shimmering with tears.

“Or we could do something else, whatever you want! Shit, I am talking way too much. I probably sound like Simon.”, I said and made a disgusted face at the thought, but Magnus still didn't respond.

“Magnus?”, I asked carefully.

“It's... It's all right... How did you...?”

“How I know what you need?”, I guessed and he nodded, a few tears dropping down from his chin. I reached up and brushed them away before I kissed his forehead.

“I love you Magnus. Every little thing about you.”

“I love you too.”, Magnus said, still looking a bit shocked.

“Alexander?”, he asked after we just stared at each other for a couple of moments.

“Yes?”

“I really want some ice cream now.”

I chuckled and kissed him softly before I pulled away to cub his face and look into his eyes. “Then you'll get it.”

 

 **Summary:** Alec asks Magnus what he needs, because he knows that everything what happened effects Magnus too. Magnus is really surprised and emotional and tells Alec that never anyone cared about him like that and tried to give something back. Alec surprises Magnus once again by knowing exactly what to do to make him happy. And Magnus wants ice cream. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... Maybe smut in the next chapter? What do you think?  
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
